Dinner in the Foyer?

“As you soak in His Presence, and soak up His love for you, you will begin to know that you are truly and totally loved, maybe for the first time in your life. This will change your life in so many ways. You will feel and experience His love and His rest and His peace daily and this cannot help but affect your life.”
― Linda Boone, Intimate Life Lessons; developing the intimacy with God you already have.


     In the book I am reading the author talks of a friend who was thankful to be single. He expressed it often, but one day he began praying in tongues and the interpretation of what he was saying was a deep longing for a wife and family.  Once he acknowledged this, he was soon married and blessed with children.  My first thought was that he must have had some idea he wanted marriage.  But the Lord pointed out to me there have been times in my life when I thought, truly believed I had forgiven and then realized I had buried deep in my heart a debilitating bitterness.  Many times I have thought the actions of another did not affect me at all, only to read something or hear something later and realize I was really hurt.
     I think all people, especially abused or deeply hurt people keep the inner most rooms of their heart locked up tight so even they forget those chambers exist.  When we step into an intimate friendship with another person, we slowly reveal who we really are to each other, but there is a place we decide to stop revealing, often times depending on their reaction or behavior.  When we step into an intimate relationship with Christ He loves to reveal to us who He is, but this relationship is different than a human friendship, because He also reveals to us who we really are. 
     If Jesus were standing before me right now, the one thing between Him and my heart is flesh.  That's why we have to invite Him into our hearts.  Truly give it to Him.  Allow him to roam around in those dark and locked up places.  It is so much easier to hear our flesh than it is to hear that still small voice.  We have to rip back that flesh over our hearts and give Him complete access.  If we keep Him on the outside His words have to travel through our flesh, which is a me, me, me filter.  Allowing Him to roam freely in the deepest darkest chambers of our heart can be painful, but it is so worth it.
     I constantly ask God to reveal hidden sin.  Lord if I am prideful show me.  If I am holding on to bitterness reveal it to me.  I want to see it and I want to repent and truly change.  I expect there to be bad behaviors, feelings and habits in me, but to my surprise instead of hidden sin, He is working on revealing hidden desires.  Yes, He cares about our desires.  During our conversation about how I could possibly not know what's in my heart He suddenly gave me a picture of Him on the cross.  I was overwhelmed with how alone He felt.  He even cried out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?"  Then He whispered to me, "I get it."
     "WHAT?  Get what?  I have friends.  I am not alone."
     The truth.  I always feel alone.  The only one who has even touched on removing that deep heart felt loneliness is Jesus.  I do not feel alone when I am alone with Him.  "What are you talking about, Jesus?"  He had to walk me through the feeling of loneliness to reveal a deep desire I would have denied up until that moment.  I want somebody, I want Him to take care of me.  I have always prided myself on taking care of myself.  It's easy to submit when God asks me to do something, like bless someone, pray for something, love another.  No problem.  Now, He is taking me through a test of receiving.  This is more difficult for me than giving by far.  He has taken away everything I put my security into and said, "Let me take care of you."  I don't know how. 
     I want to kick open doors that are not mine to open.  He wants to gently push other doors open and invite me to step through into an unknown place.  My flesh wants to provide for myself and others and He is saying, "Let me."  He is telling me that I want Him to and He wants to provide for me, but I don't totally trust Him to do that.  This is an area I keep Him on the outside.  My flesh is between His presence and my heart.  My flesh says, "I will provide for myself what I need."  He says my heart is expressing a desire opposite of my flesh.
     My flesh and my spirit go to war.  My head backs up my flesh, while my heart is in support of my spirit.  And the war goes on as I try desperately to crucify my flesh and allow my heart to beat in time with His.  
     I heard a woman speak recently on how our Father, the King opens the door and invites us to live in His castle, but so many of us stand in the foyer.  Whole churches are gathered there in the foyer, peeking in to watch Jesus move about the place.  She used the example of how we would feel if our kids felt they only deserved the foyer.  What if they never sat at our table, slept in a nice comfortable bed, enjoyed the presence of our company?  How ridiculous that sounds.  I see my friends in the castle moving about with Jesus, I hear them laugh.  I'm stepping in.  I'm checking out every corner of this castle He wants to share with me.  But, I think I will do that after I spend some time just sitting with Him on the couch.  It's more satisfying to wait for Him to open the door and invite me in to where He wants me to be, than to kick the door down and find out I'm at the wrong castle.

His plan is not locked into time, it is locked into obedience of faith. When we step out into what He says, His will is done. - Don Nori Sr.    
 

Without free will - love does not exist.

“Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely. ... He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken.”
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf


      Where are you God?  How many times have we all screamed that?  I love the questions we scream at Him and all He does is repeat them back to us.  Where are you?  Uh... right here where you left me?  He sits right in front of us, then circumstances blind us and we can't see Him, but He hasn't moved. 
     The conversation starts out all business like.  I do not have rent money, You have to do something.  After a 48 hour freak out, I'm done with You God, I thought You said You love me blah blah blah, I break.  I am broken.  Whatever You want Lord, just tell me what to do.  I want you to stop wandering off.  The advice of a friend was to go back to the last thing he told me to do and that was editing.  I have to finish editing my story.  He has a plan.
     I went back to the story with only 20 pages left to go through, but the last three blew me away.  In my story I was telling about how I took Jesus on a tour.  I drove Him around showing Him where several traumatic things happened to me.  I talked to Him as though He was totally unaware these things even happened.  Then we came to the field where the rape occurred.  I told Him.  He gave me a picture of Him there speaking loudly into the ear of the man, begging Him to stop.  I couldn't handle anymore so I drove home.
     I emailed a friend, hoping to find relief in the torment I was going through because of the picture.  His response?  "Imagine how Jesus felt."  I don't remember exactly how I responded to that statement back then when it happened, but when I read it while editing I decided it was time to ask.  I set the laptop down, got on my knees in my favorite prayer spot and with an obvious angry tone I asked Him.  "How did that make you feel, Jesus?"  He immediately responded with a picture.  The rape was occurring in an interrogation room.  That alone says something.  There was a huge mirror on the wall where all I could see was what was happening to me.  Me.  It was about me.  But  it was a two way mirror and on the back side of the mirror where the investigators stand watching from another room was Jesus.  He was slamming His fists on the window and He was yelling, "Stop!  Don't hurt her.  I love you."  Yes, I knew He loved the rapist.  At the same time, He was screaming to me, "I'm sorry.  I never wanted this.  I love you."  But neither of us could see Him or hear Him.  Then in that still small voice I heard, "The glass is made of free will."  Of course our side was a mirror, because it was all about us.  He was all about himself that night no matter the cost.  I was all about what was happening to me.
     This made sense to me and brought a few tears, but I still had to ask, "But how did you really feel?"  Then He gave me a memory.  My grandson wasn't old enough to talk yet and was having a procedure done at the hospital.  My daughter could not handle it and walked out.  I had to hold him down.  He was crying and angry and fighting.  I was crying and hurting and kissing his face, trying to comfort him.  Then he looked at me with eyes I will never forget and still bring tears to mine.  I could see the question, "Grandma, why are you letting them do this to me?"  It ripped my heart completely out of my chest.  The Lord said, "You could have forced them to stop.  You could have picked him up and took him out of there.  But??  You knew what needed to be.  You knew what was best in the long run.  I could have broken through that glass and picked you up and took you out of that car, but without free will love does not exist."  I saw Jesus, I saw His heart.  My grandson did not want comfort from me, he wanted his mother.  I did not want comfort from Jesus, but instead ran to alcohol and many other things through the years, still angry at Him for allowing it to happen.
     Like many people I have forgiven those who hurt me, but coming to a place where I understand Jesus' position is healing beyond anything I have ever known.  At this time we have a 14 month old baby girl living with us.  After this revelation I cannot look at her without understanding God even more.  At first it was when she was being naughty and knew it.  She reached for something she should not have while looking right at me.  She knew.  I thought of all the times I have done that.  I give it to Him and then take it back, knowing it is wrong. 
     Then I watch her sleep and all I can think about is how God watches His children, us as we sleep and how that feels to Him.  When she figures out that the triangle shape fits through the triangle hole and looks over at me to share in the excitement.  I wonder how many times God is clapping for us and we don't even look His way.  He has taken me to a place where I see it everywhere.  I can't look at people and not see what He is seeing.  How many times our parents told us not to and we didn't listen.  He knows that one.  Today I heard of a friend who reached out and hugged a stranger in tears and introduced her to Jesus.  How did God feel about his daughter in that moment?   I know how I feel when my kids reach out to show a stranger kindness.  What was the right thing to do in her eyes, I believe caused a loud thunderous celebration in heaven, not only because the kingdom grew by one, but because Daddy was proud of His little girl for stepping out and trusting Him.  She stepped out of the comfort zone and into the unknown, found His lost child and brought her straight to her Daddy's arms.  I love that picture.
     We tend to want the dealers arrested and punished who are selling those drugs to our kids, but He wants the dealer in His kingdom as much as He wants our child, because they both belong to Him.  At any given time looking at our kids we can see mistakes they make that break our heart and sometimes we see courage or kindness that melts it.  He sees every struggle, every tear, every fear of everyone of us even if we think He is not watching.  How can we ignore that?  We see Him as we see our earthly father and that is not how He is.  No matter how good our dad was, He is better.  He is perfect.  He smiles at our messy faces, He can't help but stroke our hair while we sleep, He sees the danger as we learn to walk and has to let us fall.  He laughs the first time we see snow and bends the branches down a little lower so we can reach the fruit we want to pick.  He stands behind the glass of free will and He allows us to suffer, but He kisses our faces, offers comfort and weeps with us.  This life is about becoming more like Jesus and He tells us to grieve with those who grieve and weep with those who weep, because that is what Jesus would do and does.  

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“What makes a man's 80 year-old Irish uncle skip like a little boy? "Me Father is very fond of me!”
― John Ortberg Jr., Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them

Truth?

“We must cease striving and trust God to provide what He thinks is best and in whatever time He chooses to make it available. But this kind of trusting doesn't come naturally. It's a spiritual crisis of the will in which we must choose to exercise faith.”
― Charles R. Swindoll

     For weeks, okay for months, I have been overwhelmed by the deception of others.  Why do people lie?  You are probably tired of hearing about it.  I understand that people sin and have their own personal battles.  I sin and have my own personal battles.  But lying knocks me over.  Why?  I have been asking God over and over why He is showing me this.  Why is He allowing me to see the deception by people who claim to love and follow Christ?
     This morning, I finally got what He is showing me.  It is a huge lack of trust in Him.  It is a lack of knowing our true identity in Him.  We have to step out in faith, but people who lie on a regular basis have no faith.  They depend on their own manipulation to get the job done and often times they believe the job is for Him.  But they don't trust Him to come through.  They don't dare step out in faith.  Why is this lesson coming at this time?  Because I am editing my story, my book about my life.  Transparency, and trusting the Lord with that transparency is crucial for touching the lives of the unbeliever.  When I look at people who have been following Christ for over 30 years and who still operate daily on deception, my first thought is "God, what did you do?"  Why hasn't He won them over after all this time?
     I understand we all deal with doubt and unbelief at times.  It is hard to trust, especially if trust has always been an issue in your life.  But when a new believer walks through the door and sees a person who is supposedly following Christ but they are lying to get approval or whatever they want, it can turn a newby right around and send them back out the door.  Over the last few days, the Lord has been showing me just how damaging lying is to His Kingdom and how angry He is about it.  It's not the lack of trust that He despises so much as the lie spawned from that lack of trust.
     Transparency in the believer is what draws the unbeliever.  Our testimony is so important and if that testimony does not include trust in God, what good is it?  I can show you who I really am and trust God to protect me.  How many times have we heard another's story and identified with part of it and found freedom in that?  If what we are projecting is false belief, how are we to win hearts?
     So in editing my story, I have been tempted to delete parts that could set a captive free.  Those parts that only another abused person would understand.  Why?  Not that I want to lie about it, but that I don't want to be embarrassed or judged because this is personal.  I don't want to embarrass my kids and I do have to take that in to consideration.  But as long as it is truth and it is God's will, I have to believe I am under His protection. 
     The enemy has tried desperately to keep me from being open.  Fear of what man thinks.  But it is that fear of what man thinks that has kept too many abused people, abusers, sinners, etc. etc. from speaking truth and from getting help.  There is a difference between outright lying and deciding not to expose a part of your life, but if God says to expose it and you don't, isn't that disobedience?  Isn't that a sin?  We are as sick as our secrets.
     The enemy is the father of lies.  If we can't trust the Father of Truth, we are on the wrong side of this war.  Every time we tell a lie, the enemy places another chain around us, around our heart.  We stand before Jesus wrapped in our own deception and expect He does not see it?  He knows what Truth is because He is Truth and He has the key to unlock those chains and set us free.  All we have to do is muster up one seed of faith and trust Him.  Set an example.  As many as we can help, we can hurt.  But if we turn it around, then as many as we can hurt, we can help.


“Faith don't come in a bushel basket, Missy. It come one step at a time. Decide to trust Him for one little thing today, and before you know it, you find out He's so trustworthy you be putting your whole life in His hands.”
― Lynn Austin, Candle in the Darkness     

Love

“We’d avoid a lot of insecurity, if we fully, wholly believed in God’s wild affection for us.”
― Mary E. DeMuth, The Wall Around Your Heart: How Jesus Heals You When Others Hurt You




     Truth should not scare us, because it sets us free.  It's the lies we have been told all our lives by the enemy that kill, steal and destroy.  I have talked to several friends in the last few days who say there are certain people who intimidate them.  Some of these people are so secure in who they are to Jesus and in the Kingdom until a certain person or type of person, walks in the room.
     As I have been going back and editing my story, getting it ready for publishing, I keep seeing patterns in my history.  I tend to choose to get my security from narcissists.  People who want to control and who have no interest in my needs, but want to feel good about themselves.  They want to control me and my life with no regard for my needs.  So, as the Lord is showing me where my insecurity is causing this, every time I choose this type of person, my insecurity grows.  The devil has had a plan from day one.  I have to break this cycle.
     In the last days the Lord has been showing me how important it is to get our identity from Him and Him alone and how that identity needs to be with us at all times, no matter who is in the room and what lies the enemy is spouting.  He has shown me in scripture how the last days will be full of false teachers, prophets and such.  I tend to see these people as evil.  I may be wrong here.  They may be rebellious, but what if the rebellion stems from fear.  Maybe started in fear, but turned into an intentional rebellion. 
     So a pastor who is insecure in his identity massages the ears of his congregation so they do not reject him.  A prophet gives you a word you want to hear and not from the Lord, so you don't reject them.  Maybe what God is saying is believe in me, believe in my love for you or you will become intent on pleasing others with false words.  Once you have let that insecurity get a firm hold on your heart, it will grow and truth will escape you.
     The greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all you have.  And love your neighbor.  To love the Lord and be in obedience will grow your trust in Him and extinguish insecurity.  To focus on loving Him and allowing Him to love you brings truth - He is truth.  We can't speak anything but truth and be in God's will.  I think about Samson, lying to Delilah about the secret to his strength.  I don't think it was okay with God that he lied about this.  I think Samson should have told the truth.  That truth should have been NO - I am not going to tell you.  Just say no.  But instead he lied.  A lie is a lie no matter what the purpose.  To sugar coat a word from the Lord or make one up, to twist the words of scripture to please your congregation comes from insecurity and a need to control an opinion of you.  Truth is so important.  Christ is truth - any less than truth and it's a lie and the devil is a liar.
     If a person is insecure at all, I suggest they study the love of God.  The bible is full of stories and verses on His love for us.  The most important thing for us to do is love Him and the cool thing about it, is He fills us with the very love we give back to Him.  When you truly know who you are in Him, obedience and loving others comes without effort.  What a powerful kingdom it would be if we all knew, really knew how much we are loved. 


“If [you] are [a Christian] … you should feel secure and honored that God loves you so much! That knowledge is a joy and a privilege. No one can ever take that from you because no one can ever take you from God!”
― Van Harden, Life in the Purple Wedge!

Man or God?

“On some positions, cowardice asks the question, is it expedient? And then expedience comes along and asks the question, is it politic? Vanity asks the question, is it popular? Conscience asks the question, is it right?

There comes a time when one must take the position that is neither safe nor politic nor popular, but he must do it because conscience tells him it is right.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.


     The conversation lately bounces back and forth between truth and motive.  Truly following Christ is not an easy thing to do and I am seeing this more clearly all the time.  When He asks us to do something, often times, our first thought is "What will people think?"  He is concerned with what people think, but it's not about whether they are in agreement with us or not.  It's about where that thinking will take them.  Will it eventually be for the good?
     I have been in battle the last couple weeks as the Lord has asked me to do something, that I know (okay believe) will be taken the wrong way.  The minute I open my mouth to speak about this fear with the Lord, He asks me, Are you worried about what men think or what I think?"  Is it about pleasing man or pleasing God.
     I feel like I have been in a battle for my life over the last two and half years.  I am tired.  I want peace.  The only way I can even touch on peace is to stay in His will.  This doesn't mean things will be easy, but there will be peace.  Even when it hurts.
     I have learned a lot about perspective in the last weeks.  There is my truth, there is your truth and there is His truth.  His truth seems to run deeper and affect more and in different ways.
     Through all this, I have found that I am actually falling in love with Him.  I told God, I fight doubt too much to be your messenger.  He said, "You doubt yourself, but you don't doubt me."  Wow.  Isn't that the truth?  I know that I know, He will always be with me.  His way will always be the best and only way. 
     The other morning I woke from a strange dream.  The dream was a can opener.  That's it.  All there was.  Just a picture of a can opener.  What does that mean God.? It has to be You, because I do not dream of can openers.  My first thought?  Are you having me open a can of worms or a can of whoop-ass?  Then He explained.  What do we usually open with a can opener?  Cans of food.  Provision.  He said, "You know when you clip that can opener on that can that you will find food."  He was assuring me that when he provides the can opener and He points out the can, no matter what is in it, worms or whoop-ass, He will provide.  He provides all we need to do what He asks us to do. 
     The Lord has pointed out a very important man for me to watch.  Jeremiah, the prophet.  When I can't handle life another second, I watch the movie about Jeremiah for my entertainment.  This poor guy, spoke truth, he warned the king and the people, and they laughed at him, put him in prison, tortured him and he still cried for them.  As Jerusalem fell and the king was captured, I can only imagine what pain was in Jeremiah's heart.  Just like when your kids are little and you warn them and they do it anyway and you watch them hurt.  Your own heart bleeds almost more than theirs at times. 
     To watch somebody fall, to watch them implode, is excruciatingly painful.  To watch a man drown while Jesus is holding out His hand to Him, but He is in too much of a panic to reach for it rips my heart apart.  I believe I have a good idea of what Jeremiah went through that day.  I think of the king and also Samson, when the Lord took His hand of protection off them and they were turned over to the enemy, the enemy took their sight.  They could no longer see.  The enemy had control.  At that point you pray their ears for God become more sensitive.
     Lord, please, don't ever hide your voice from me.  Remind me often of the darkness I choked on alone in the night and how your light, led me out.  Guard my heart from the arrogance that causes your presence to fade from me.  Refresh me in the very palm of your hand and may that hand be the only platform I speak from, that I fight from.  Tuck my small heart into Yours where lies cannot penetrate it and where truth causes it to beat in time with Yours.  May it never become hard causing tears for others to dry up and my mouth to be sealed, never to speak your words of comfort to the hurting.  May the pain of rejection always be fresh in my mind so I may have empathy for those who fear loneliness.  May I always find comfort in Your voice, even when convicted.  Lord, may the sound of Your voice always penetrate any walls I construct around my heart and draw me back to You.  And may I never be ashamed of the tears that I cry for your children.  May my fleshly needs never outweigh the need I have for You.


“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you.”
― C.S. Lewis

How much Truth?

"The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche


      How much truth does it take to please God?  Over the last months it seems God is highlighting in a neon yellow every white lie being told around me.  I would guess this is a lesson for me.  I have been accused of being too honest at times.  Can a person be too honest?  If you don't want to know if your butt looks big, don't ask me. 
     The most difficult lie to call BS on is one of motive.  We don't know what is in another's heart.  How can we even question motives?  Some lie out of being misled by others.  Some lie out of interpretation of what they heard or saw and that is not really a lie.  It is their truth. Maybe one's truth is not truth to another.  Possibly, it's a bad memory that causes a lie.
     But what to do when you know it is a lie, a deliberate untruth?  When do we call it out and when do we let it go?  If I hear a person lie more than once, I struggle to believe anything they say.  If they give me a word from God, I don't believe it.  Because the only reason to lie is to manipulate another's thinking.  Usually it is to please man so they don't see who we truly are.  Or it is to get what we want.  Lying is selfish and manipulating. 
     We have to ask God if He is showing us these things for us to call it out, to check ourselves, or to see the brokenness in a person and to pray healing.  My issue with it, is that my life, the life of an abused person is usually full of lies and secrets and I get a really bad taste in my mouth.  Do I think it is possible for us to be 100% truthful all the time?  Not really.  But is it intentional or is it as simple as saying "I am fine" when we are not?  That seems to be an acceptable lie.
     I believe there are two kinds of intentional liars.  The one who wants to have control of a situation or people and the one who only has the intention of controlling the other's perception of who they are.  Both of these are caused by insecurity.  The need to control is out off fear, whether it's controlling a situation or controlling a perception. 
     Maybe this is why lies hurt.  If you lie to me it is because you don't trust me to care about you if I know the truth.  And obviously you don't trust God.  To not trust God, I believe, is caused by not knowing your identity in Him.  What has He spoken to me when I hear somebody has told a lie about me?  You worry about your integrity and let Him worry about your reputation.  This is really difficult at times.  The Lord has repeatedly told me not to defend myself.  That is a hard habit to break.  To me this is the ultimate test of my trust in Him.  Especially when He tells me, to follow Him, I will be hated.  I have gotten a good taste of that. 
      So, how do you handle a person who lies?  Exactly how God tells you to handle that person.  It may be different than the last one.  He may have you confront and He may have you be quiet.  They know they are lying so to point it out seems pointless.  What is the real problem with being in a relationship with a liar?  You don't really know who they are.  God does.  We are to trust Him.  He does not lie.  Ever.

“I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it--and that's all I got.”
― Sabrina Ward Harrison

Jezebel, Ahab or Elijah?

Deuteronomy 32:34-35 (NKJV)

34 ‘Is this not laid up in store with Me,
Sealed up among My treasures?
35 Vengeance is Mine, and recompense;
Their foot shall slip in due time;
For the day of their calamity is at hand,
And the things to come hasten upon them.


     God puts it on my heart and until I share, I can't find peace.  Those moments, just before sleep are sometimes crazy.  This seems to be the time the Lord speaks to me the clearest.  I wake up in mid sentence and sometimes scripture.  I wasn't sleeping yet, but I heard the words, "Their foot will slip in due time."  I know God is about love and that is His main concern, but He talks to me about a lot of things and lately it is His anger.  God does say, "That's enough."  There is scripture to back this up and what comes next is not good.
     Immediately when I heard the words, I looked to see what time it was and it was 12:12.  The number 12 refers to government and the Lord is speaking about the government of the Church and the government of this nation.  He is angry.  He has warned and warned and warned.  He has shown me that many leaders are being controlled by demonic spirits and I have prayed their eyes would be open to truth, I have asked Him to forgive them, because they are not aware of the creatures who are controlling them, but God explained to me they are still making a choice.  Even when a demonic spirit is ruling us, we still know right from wrong.  We know we are lying when we tell a lie.  We know we are bullying when we allow our angry outbursts.  These leaders are not turning to God for help and He is the only One who can save them.  Pride, arrogance, control, manipulation, etc. etc.  God is done with it. 
     We should fear the Lord more than we fear the enemy.  He is in charge.  The spirit of religion, witchcraft, and Jezebel are ruling so much of the Church.  But what He has been talking to me about in the last couple days is the spirit of Ahab.  Those who sit back and let the control, the angry outbursts continue are just as guilty as the one who is demanding he knows how things need to be. 
     We are about to see some major churches fall.  We are about to see major leaders fall.  He is speaking more about the Church than national government in this area.  He needs the Church to be ready for new believers to walk in the door.  He is bringing them.  But the arrogance in the Church is chasing them back out the door.  Arrogance, like when a Jehovah's Witness walks through the door to check out this Christianity thing and the pastor makes a crack about JW's.  Where do you think that guy snuck off to?  Back to where he is accepted. 
     Nebuchadnezzar was cut down and driven crazy two live with the wild beasts because of his arrogance.  There is going to be some serious logging going on, because I see a lot of trees coming down.  Those who think it's all about them instead of God.  Those who see what is happening and are not doing anything.  Jezebel can only be taken out by a pastor.  Pastor's aren't doing anything.  Ahab's are giving her control and what is she doing?  She is out killing the one's who are telling the truth.  Why?  Because she knows it is the truth.  In the gut of the person under the spirit of Jezebel, they know the truth is being spoken and yet they choose to do it their own way.  I know of one pastor who has a spirit on him that has 7 arms and scales.  The scales represent pride.  When I asked God what the seven arms meant, He said it is an imitation of Him.  I don't totally understand this, but this person knows they are lying and manipulating and yet they believe they are hearing God.  Anger and confusion is a sure fire sign of who is in control of your thought life.  It's not God.
     My heart is hurting for the people being hurt, by these demonically influenced leaders.  I have comforted baby Christians who have been deeply wounded by these people,  Even though these leaders know something is wrong, they are too arrogant to reach out for help.  They speak words their actions don't support.  For instance, I heard a pastor say we don't need to be doing spiritual warfare, just give it to God, yet I know of a time this pastor brought a team to a house to drive out demons.  It was more than one time, so why doesn't his words back up his actions?  Actions and words don't line up.  He is under demonic influence of Jezebel and all those under his teaching, all those pastors under his authority are in danger.  We are in the last days and Jezebel is back stronger than ever.  Pray for the Elijah spirit to return and finally put that witch in her place.
     The Jezebel spirit can sit dormant in a person for years and when an old wound is reopened, all hell breaks loose as she comes out in a rage.  This is why forgiveness and the healing of old wounds is so important.
     Some of the signs you are under the spirit of jezebel
1. You refuse to admit guilt or wrongdoing
2. Lies - very well I might add
3. Talks in circles
4. Takes credit
5. Volunteers in many areas
6. Criticizes
7. Ignores people
8. Accuses others of being under the influence of Jezebel
9. Domineering
10. Vengeful
11. Acts religious
12. Knows it all
13. Demands forgiveness, but does not forgive
14. Puts words in other peoples mouth
15. Loves to Vent
16. Exaggerates
17. Independent
18. Withholds information
19. Likes to use the element of surprise
20. Commands attention

     There are many other signs.  I would suggest reading a good book on Jezebel.  "Confronting Jezebel" by Steve Sampson or "Unmasking the Jezebel Spirit" by John Paul Jackson.  If you have the spirit on you the first thing it will do is point toward someone else.  Before you read a book like this I would pray that God show you what you need to see and that he blind you from the rest.  We all have a degree of desire to control in us, so if anything touches you repent right away.  Repentance is the only way out of this.  We have to be brave and ask God to show us the truth.  His patience with people under this spirit is just about out.  This spirit loves to fill us with fear.  But, we have all the authority we need and moving closer to Jesus is the way.  If you are dealing with this spirit go straight to God and listen to Him.  Make sure it is Him by checking to see if His words line up with scripture. 
     The other night in a vision the Lord gave me a picture of a white wolf.  It was sitting with it's back to me and howling.  I asked the Lord what it meant.  I said to Him that white means pure.  Very clearly the Lord spoke to me and said, "It is still a wolf."  The fact that it was howling meant something too.  It represented the voice of a wicked person.  The Lord had me watch a movie where very likeable thieves were stealing jewelry and taking it to a jeweler and he would change it up so it wasn't recognizable.  Say they gave him a ring.  He would melt down the gold and reset the stone in a different ring.  He would say repeatedly, "It comes in dirty and it goes out clean."  The Lord said, "It is still stolen."  Even though the criminals were likeable they were still criminals.  We have to pray for discernment.  I have said it before and I will say it again, it is so necessary in these days we are living in.  If your spirit says something is wrong - listen!  Go to God and if you can't be sure you are hearing Him, go to a person away from those you know.  The enemy does not take over one persons life without taking a few around him.  If you rely on one person to tell you what is going on in the spiritual realm, you could be in deep trouble.  Go to someone who doesn't know those around you and ask them to pray with you.  Ask for words of knowledge and prophecy and then check them with God and scripture. 
     God is waiting for you.  He hears your prayers and He sees your tears.  Just this morning He had me read about Hezekiah and until this morning I had never heard of him.  It's a good read.  If you are not in God's will, and you are misleading or hurting His flock, He will take you out.  BUT, He will hear your cries of repentance if you are willing to repent.  He is listening.  Are you?
     We are born sinners, destined for hell.  As we look up out of the pit, there is Jesus and in His hand He is holding out the cross for us to grab hold of so He can lift us out.  But, it is our choice to grab on or to stay in the hell we are in.  If we are not living in His will, we are living in the will of Satan.
     I am going to sleep now and I will decide whether God wants this one posted in the morning.  Well, it's morning and I guess this is a go - I am praying for every person who reads this and needs to see the truth will see it.  That God opens eyes through this writing.  I am praying for you.  Jesus loves you.

Revelation 2:20-22

New International Version (NIV)

²⁰ Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols. ²¹ I have given her time to repent of her immorality, but she is unwilling. ²² So I will cast her on a bed of suffering, and I will make those who commit adultery with her suffer intensely, unless they repent of her ways.

Free Will - Means to Make a Choice.

“You were saved when you believed in Jesus, but you were transformed when you realized He believed in you.” - Kris Vallotton


      So, you're a little girl about 14 years old and an angel appears in front of you.  "Even though you are a virgin, never touched by a man, you will conceive and give birth to the Son of God."  Yeah, okay, sounds good to me.  Really?  We think what God asks us to do is difficult?  Can you imagine what was going on in Mary's head as she stood there looking at this angel with his far out word of prophecy.  Do you think it may have crossed her mind, what everyone else is going to think about this?  Who will believe it?
     There are several stories in the Bible that must have brought up these same emotions.  Really God?  Is that you?  Moses standing at the sea, the army coming at him, wanting him dead and all these people looking to him to save them.  Did it go through his mind to drop the old walking stick and run?  Trusting that God is going to show up is not always easy. 
     We tend to think that our situations are unique, but you read in the bible long enough and you will find that story that resonates with your spirit.  That story that could be about you.  How many of our stories could have been written somewhere in between Abraham and Moses?  These people had to have the same doubts and questions we have.  We can't help but wonder what they went through in their hearts and minds, before they courageously said, "Yes, Lord.  I will trust You!"  and then He came through for them. 
     What about the ones who failed?  What about the ones, who lied, ran, took what they wanted?  I have found a common theme in most of those stories.  Let's start with David and Bathsheba.  David wanted what was not his.  He was a king with everything, but greed drove him to take another man's wife.  Well, another man's life.  His buddy Saul had the same affliction.  He was afraid, in all his greed, that David was going to take his kingdom and he wasn't about to stand back and give it up.  Greed and jealousy walk hand in hand.  When we want it all, we are not happy with those who have what we don't.  Jealousy.  A result of greed and jealousy is control.  Jezebel is the ultimate example of a control freak wanting it all.  The first thing she does is align herself with those she can use to get it all, those who will not fight her.  Control is easiest over the weak.  Who does she hate most?  Those who speak truth.  Truth is her enemy.  
     If we break this down a little bit, we see that jealousy and greed produced Satan.  He was a beautiful worshipping angel who decided he wanted to be the one worshipped.  Greed and jealousy were and continue to be behind every sin.  Me, me, me causes sin.  Sin could stand for Satan Is Narcissistic.  The cure for sin is submission to God.  If we are totally submitted to God, Jezebel/Satan will run from us.  Our authority is in our submission.
     Satan wants us to be rebellious toward God.  When we are rebels, we are serving Satan.  But our submission is our protection.  We have to give up total control.  Any time we try to control another person or situation we are not in God's will.  He has given all of us free will and to control someone is taking that gift that was given to them by God. 
     I know the things God asks us to do are very difficult at times.  We feel like that pregnant teen standing in the middle of the square, engaged to a man who we have never touched and judged by all who are standing there with stones in their hands.  But, what did God do?  He showed up.  He sent an angel to Joseph.  He always supplies us with the support we need either through other people, things, His word and/or Himself.  He will always lift us up when we obey.  Joseph married Mary, knowing she spoke truth.  Why?  Because God told him through an angel.  God will always confirm truth.  Through their obedience they were kept safe. 
     Sometimes I wish God would send an angel to tell me what is about to go down and how to handle it.  Maybe an email in black and white.  I have not been blessed in that way, but He has sent people to tell me I am on the right track, keep speaking truth, and don't take my eyes off Him.  He has sent books, scripture, and friends to confirm what I have heard.  You protect your integrity and I will protect your reputation.  He has told me this several times.  It's true.  He is.  The Lord is Truth and the Devil is a lie.  We have to choose who we will follow.  The sad part is there are so many who will not speak the truth (peace keepers) and what they don't realize is saying nothing is siding with the enemy.  They are making a choice who to follow, by not making a choice.  This is an Ahab spirit aligned with Jezebel and just as evil. 
     Truth is the only way.  Obedience to that truth is love.

“We need to understand that our circumstances never cause heart issues, they only reveal them.”

Kris Vallotton

 

The Dream

Ezekiel 34:7 (NIV)

7 “‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord:


     Obedience is not always easy.  But it is the only way.  This is one of those times.  It was a little over a month ago in the middle of the day, I was busy doing something, when a picture flashed through my mind.  It was a man's genitals.  Instantly I told God, "I don't know where that came from.  I'm sorry God."  Before I could say anymore He interrupted, "You made it sexual.  To me it is only a body part."  After a few seconds, I asked if He had put that in my head or was it the enemy.  He took responsibility.  I right away thought about how many times I had heard God does not give us sexual visions or dreams.  The Lord's answer to me was, "Remember Adam?  The fig leaf was his idea."  Okay, so is there a point to this little exercise?  Or are you just pointing out the differences between my thoughts and Yours, Lord?
     About a week later, I realized there was a lot more to it than I knew.  I woke up one morning totally disgusted by a dream I had.  I was busy rebuking evil spirits and begging God for forgiveness.  I'm sorry Lord, I know that was the enemy.  Or was it?  God??
     "That was from Me."
     "I don't believe it, Lord.  That was sick."
     "I wanted you to see how sick it really is."
     I started my day without talking about it any further.  This was not going to be talked about with anyone else either.  The old teaching of God does not give perverted dreams was far out weighing my trust that He was giving me a message.  There has to be something wrong here.  That had to be the enemy.  If it was You Lord, interpret the dream.  Tell me what it meant.
     First off He explained the man in the dream.  He was from the 70's with long brown hair swept to the side.  He wore a green T-shirt and jeans.  What was he doing?  He was raping sheep.  There was no nudity.  And even though I knew they represented the whole flock there were only two sheep.  Their faces were almost cartoonish as one's expression was disgust and the other's was confusion.  Explain this dream to me Lord. 
     "Man in his natural state is raping my flock.  Even though they know something is wrong, they continue to trust the shepherd."
     It was over the next few days and actually weeks that I would come back to the Lord and ask Him to explain more.  One day, out of the blue, the Lord asked me, "Why were there only two sheep?"
     I knew they represented the whole flock, but it was true, there were only two.  I immediately got the word division.  Some see it and they are disgusted and leave, while the others continue to trust.  This is dividing the Church.  Those who are leaving are left wandering, looking for a shepherd they can trust.  But now they are looking through fear.
     I asked the Lord for another word about what He wanted me to know.  I heard the word, "Wolf".  Well, obviously.  Not much of a clue.  Remembering the man was from the 70's I googled the 70's and as I read something stood out to me "Tom Wolfe"  He wrote an article called "The Me Decade and the Third Great Awakening" 
     Okay God, what does that mean?  The shepherds are in it for themselves.  Rape is about control.  Sex with an unwilling partner is about meeting your own needs and not caring how the other party feels or what they want.  The Me Decade! 
     There was one more important piece of the dream that I had forgotten about until this conversation with the Lord.  For one split second before the dream ended, I saw he did not have human genitalia.  He had a dogs.  First of all, that makes sense if he is a wolf.  Second, the Lord asked me what a dog means to me.  Well, it can mean a demonic spirit, but I also believe it can mean an unbeliever.  The Lord said, "He is doing it to them with his unbelief.  His unbelief is allowing the demonic to control him."
     Now what?  Now the anger comes.  Why?  Why is he doing this, but more importantly WHY are you telling me?  Why?  What do you want me to do about this?  Who is this shepherd?  The Lord said it is more than one.
     Why would He give me this dream?  I have prayed about it.  I have prayed for the leadership and pastors who are being deceived.  I have doubted it was God and finally asked for confirmation.  A word from the Lord should be backed up by scripture.  Ezekial 34 was the first scripture He gave me and then 2 Peter 2 and the list went on.  Because I do not know the Bible like I want to, I know it was really Him giving me scripture.
     This morning, again, I asked why He would give me this dream and why He would ask me to share it here.  He began by comparing a shepherd raping sheep to a child being molested.  Hmm.  Maybe this is because of my anger at the people who blindly follow.  I don't feel that anger anymore.  In fact since the dream, my heart has grown hugely for the flock.  I remember as a little girl knowing what was happening was wrong, but aren't we all supposed to trust adults?  He had told me at one time that I would be working with abusers.  Now I had to ask exactly what that meant. 
     The Lord has told me how angry he is.  Over and over he has explained to me how it upsets Him when He sends someone out to represent Him and they only think of themselves.  He has also shown me how His heart aches for these shepherds who are being deceived and greedy.  Who are wounded and it is through those wounds that they are being deceptive.  Exactly why the sexual abuser abuses, because they once were abused.  These shepherds were abused by religion, so they turn around and do the same.  Religion once controlled them, so now they will control religion.  The whole cycle is very sick.
     He also explained that without repentance those who harm a child, be it literal or spiritual will suffer.

Luke 17:2 (TLB)

^2-3 If he were thrown into the sea with a huge rock tied to his neck, he would be far better off than facing the punishment in store for those who harm these little children’s souls. I am warning you!
“Rebuke your brother if he sins, and forgive him if he is sorry.

     There is also scripture about responsibility.

1 Peter 5:2-3                    
Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.

1 Timothy 3:1-16           
The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?

     Now, the flock is to respect and honor their leaders, but that's not what this dream was about.  We do have a responsibility to NOT put man above God.  I have done this.  It is not right.  Man will fail us and putting him on a pedestal does harm to both of you.
     We do have a responsibility to check all teachings with the bible.  ALL.  We cannot put our salvation in another person's lap.  It is our responsibility.  Even though the responsibility of being a shepherd is huge, he is only a messenger and we are to check the messages.  The enemy will twist the truth.  It does not have to be a bold faced lie to be deceptive.  It's okay to judge a shepherds behavior in fact we should be judging the shepherds behavior.  And we should give grace and mercy if he repents.
     A good shepherd will answer your questions when you ask him to prove himself.  I know this, because I am always asking the Shepherd of all Shepherds.  He loves to engage in conversation.


1 Thessalonians 5:14-18

14 Dear brothers, warn those who are lazy, comfort those who are frightened, take tender care of those who are weak, and be patient with everyone. 15 See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to everyone else. 16 Always be joyful. 17 Always keep on praying. 18 No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Guilt is okay for the Proud.

“If you want to fight hell and the power of darkness that seek to destroy the hearts of our daughters, I know a type of spiritual warfare that creates value in a daughter's spirit. It is called "Taking your Daughter out for tea" or "Going to Her Soccer Game", and it works in direct opposition to the agenda of hell and darkness that wants to destroy their lives.”
― Jim Anderson, Unmasked: Exposing the Cultural Sexual Assault


      My favorite subject - beating the enemy.  I was trying to sleep.  It was 1:30 in the morning and I could hear my friend downstairs on the phone.  She was doing battle.  On the phone she had a girl, a young girl who was being attacked by the enemy.  I in my selfish need for rest wanted her to be quiet doing it.  Yes, I still fight my selfishness.  But then she came up the stairs to my room, she was going to leave to do battle in person and wanted advice, wanted anything I had to give that would help her with this battle.  She asked me to go with her.  "No.  My God it's the middle of the night."  Yes, I am that selfish at times.  After she left my room and it was quiet, I heard the Lord.  Really?  Do you remember the nights you were under attack and alone.  The nights the dark spirits were dive bombing at you and you couldn't even think straight and how badly you wanted another human voice to say, "It's okay?"  The nights when the enemy could still shut out My voice? 
     I jumped up out of my bed and ran downstairs, "I'll go.  I will go.  Give me a minute to throw on clothes."
     It had been a while since I fought the enemy for someone else.  I clean my house of any ungodly spirits and fight personal attacks, but to go out and defend another, I have not done for quite awhile.  It was a 10 - 15 minute drive, so we prepared.  We asked God to go before us and prepare hearts, to give us direction and make his presence known.  This girl was very young and her aunt who was with her was not much older.  
     We did not leave there until after 5 am.  We found the aunt had a stronger spirit on her than the girl.  It still amazes me how this petite, beautiful little girl can look so innocent and then when you make eye contact, you see the enemy.  He is daring you.  I have found in my experience, the first and most important thing to do is lighten the mood.  We are all too serious when this doesn't have to be a big deal.  After lighthearted introduction didn't squash the fear of this thing manifesting in some scary way, the second most important thing to do is remind everyone who is in charge.  God's got this.  We have all authority and they only do to us, what we allow.  That's when you address the enemy.  You tell him how it's going to go down.  See, we don't allow manifesting.  He is not allowed to make a scene.  He leaves in a quiet little cough or a yawn and that is all he is allowed to do.  
     The Lord was talking to us.  He was telling us awesome things about these two girls.  How much He loves them, how precious they are to Him and what wonderful things He has planned for them.  Most of the warfare was done through explaining to these two daughters of the King, exactly who He sees when He looks at them.  It became obvious right away that these girls never felt heard.  We were there to listen.  They never felt like anyone cared what they had to say.  Their family had been beaten up by the enemy for several years through addiction, sexual abuse, witchcraft, etc. etc.  
     These girls weren't ready to let go of the familiar spirit they had lived with most of their lives, and if they aren't ready to let go, we can't force them.  But we did plant the seeds of love the Father had for them.  Quietly this fragile little girl who had been tormented by spirits her whole life whispered, "I want God to prove His existence to me."  By the look on her face, I believe she felt as though she were saying something wrong, but we prayed and we asked God, "Lord this little girl wants to know you.  Please show yourself, show her who You truly are."  I had to warn her to be prepared.  Pay attention to all that goes on around her, because He shows up in some awesome ways that leave you rubbing your eyes and asking yourself if that just happened. 
     It's so easy for society to believe in angels, because we want them to be around us.  It's not so easy for us to believe in demons because who wants them?  But they are real and some people are tormented before they are ever pushed from the womb.  They are scared into, beaten into believing there is something wrong with them.  But I take it as a compliment.  If the enemy isn't messing with you, you must not be living right. 
     Spiritual warfare is not only telling the enemy to go, it's more about inviting the Holy Spirit to come.  We want Him to take over our mind, body and soul so there is no room for the enemy.  We will be going back to pray for these girls again.  We will leave the seeds there to grow.  The hunger to know Jesus grows and the enemy will not like it. 
     The thing the Lord has been showing me lately is how these tormented girls are actually blessed.  When you have seen the dark side, it makes you run toward the light.  God has shown me lately how many people think that when this is over they have a ticket into heaven.  They think just because they believe, they are in.  Well, the enemy believes, he knows the bible inside and out and he isn't going to heaven.  It's not about believing, it's about following.  It's about getting out of bed at 1:30 because God sent you out.  It's about your own will being ignored and God's will being all that matters. 
     I watched a show the other night about a "deeply religious and devoted to Jesus family"  As I was watching the show I was totally blown away, but what they thought was okay.  The bible says that God will judge the unbeliever, but we are to judge our brothers and sisters in Christ.  We are to point out their sin IF God tells us too.  As I watched this family talk of bikini waxing and sex in a very vulgar way, I could feel the Father's sadness, because this was being portrayed as acceptable behavior on television. 
     I asked the Lord what He wanted me to know about this.  What did He want me to do?  If I still fight selfishness, how do I know that I will be with Him for eternity?  We are supposed to obey, obeying is loving Him.  We are forgiven if we repent.  Repentance is not talked about enough.  The willingness to allow God to shine His light into our hearts and show us where we need to change is the answer.  To be totally 100% submitted.  When we rebel, we must repent.  But we are supposed to give grace?  He guides the humble and teaches them His ways (Psalm 25:9)

James 4:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.

 

 

     To admit wrong, humble yourself and repent, change your ways, brings that grace He so much wants to give us.  He explained to me, why as a leader, as an example to others we must be healed, we must address our sin.  A church with infants as leaders is a place where the guilty can hide and feel safe from the condemnation of hell, but a church with leaders who have testimonies, true testimonies of how He brought them from sin to total redemption is a church with humble leaders who do not make those  who are still oppressed feel rejection.  We represent Christ and we can't do that if we give the message that sin is acceptable.  A sinful heart is changeable and striving for that is what brings us into a divine intimate relationship with our Lord and savior.  Denial of sin, refusal to change is rebellion, it is prideful and the Lord opposes those who do not humble themselves.  Someone who still drinks milk is not able to teach another how to chew meat.

     One thing the Lord had me tell these beautiful daughters of His, was that He knows exactly where they are at in their journey and given all that they have been up against He is pleased with them.  They have a lot to learn, they have a lot to realize about who they are in Him and the authority they have, but they are reaching, humbly reaching out to touch His robe.  That's all He wants. 

 

1 Corinthians 5 (NIV)

5 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. 2 And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? 3 For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. 4 So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, 5 hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh,[a][b] so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.

6 Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? 7 Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8 Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[c] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”