Follow Me

“I have faith that God will show you the answer. But you have to understand that sometimes it takes a while to be able to recognize what God wants you to do. That's how it often is. God's voice is usually nothing more than a whisper, and you have to listen very carefully to hear it. But other times, in those rarest of moments, the answer is obvious and rings as loud as a church bell.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song



    I think I have lost my ability to put my thoughts. feelings, experiences and conversations with God into any kind of order using the English language.  Sucks because it is the only language I know.  I'm trying to sum up the last weeks, months and all I get are tears.  I remember taking rides in the mountains and snapping pictures, even panoramic to get the beauty of what I saw, but the picture would come back without most of the beauty.  It's like trying to get the Grand Canyon on paper, it's not going to happen.
    
     So we go back to a day when I decided to sell everything and go.  Go where?  Where ever God told me, even though it was my plan and not His.  Then one day I realized, He was planning with me.  Whose plan was this anyway?  As I looked around the house, adding up in my head how much money I could make, He said, "Give it away."  Excuse me? 
     We jump ahead about a month and here we are.  It's all gone.  I'm down to a few boxes and He says, "Give more."  My flesh says, "You should be working two jobs and feeding the poor."  Who does this?  Those hyper spiritual Jesus freaks, that's who.  I guess that's me.  I've said this before and I will say it again, The Lord often opens my eyes when He repeats my questions and statements back to me.  I said, I want all you have to give me and He said to me, I want all you have to give me.  I seemed to have let God out of the box, but not his answers.  I was thinking I might be blessed with a great job.  Well, I got one.  I work for Him.  He has promised to pay, to provide.  All I have to do is whatever He asks.  Sounds easy?  It's not.  It is, but it's not.  He told me, if He had given me a job, I never would have considered leaving.  I would have stayed there in that house where I was comfortable.  Following Christ is anything but comfortable most of the time.
     I come from a family of workers, many work-a-holic's.  I have created 3 children who are all hard workers.  It is what we do.  It is the right thing.  In conversation with the Lord, He wants everything I own except my car to fit in my file cabinet.  I am almost there. 
     He has given me several projects and several people to pray for.  I am busier than ever and totally blown away at the favor and blessings.  People are showing up and offering to pay for things.  I trust Him.  I have to.  I am staying with a wonderful couple who I can talk to about anything and they understand these supernatural Jesus freak things that God does.  I haven't been open with everyone about what He is doing, because not everyone would understand, but it's time to put what man thinks aside.  I only care what Jesus wants.
     In a couple months, I know He will some how (good testimony material) pull together the money for Africa.  That is where He is sending me.  At least for awhile.  He has not been very specific, but that's okay, details don't matter at this point.  How do I pay for a plane ticket?  What if I don't have to?  What if I pass through a door and I am there?  It is biblical.  So, is...

Matthew 19:21 (NIV)

²¹ Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

    

Learning to Fly!

“If Christians around the world were to suddenly renounce their personal agendas, their life goals and their aspirations, and begin responding in radical obedience to everything God showed them. the world would be turned upside down. How do we know? Because that's what first century Christians did, and the world is still talking about it.”
― Henry T. Blackaby, Spiritual Leadership: Moving People on to God's Agenda


     He sent a comforter and He would not have to do that if His plan was for us to be comfortable in our lives.  I have all but begged God for a job in the last months and months and months.  My resume is pretty good, but nothing, not one interview, absolutely nothing.  Then one day as I walked around the house I rent, with a handy man sent by the landlord, I heard the Lord whisper, "It's time to go."  Later He would tell me if He had given me a job, I would never leave this place where I feel safe.  I would never even ask Him if this is where He wants me, because this is where I want to be - safe.  Then He tells me to let everything go. I have given everything away.  Basically all I have is my clothes and my car. 
     If you think you trust God, wait until He has you give everything away.  He has plans for me this summer and I am excited about those plans and at the same time, I am scared.  The world says I should have a job.  My flesh says I should probably have two jobs.  God already has 4 major events planned for ministry this summer and He is providing for me.  Every time I get nervous He shows up in a big way.  Step out in faith and I will take care of you. 
     Leaving this house where I found Jesus is very difficult.  I have memories here of demonic attack that were terrifying, but I have more memories of God showing up.  There has been so much healing here.  It's easier to give my things away than it is to walk out the door of this house. 
     I sound like one of those Jesus freaks we have all been warned about.  I think I am one.  If the definition of a Jesus freak is someone who totally believes and trusts in Him and is willing to obey and follow, well... then I guess I am a Jesus freak.  In the last few years God has shown me where He was each year of my life.  He has shown me how He protected me before I even really knew Him.  He has shown me the value in the lessons, the reasons for the pain and glimpses of the plan He has for me.  There is a freedom and a peace that comes with knowing I am walking in His will.  There is no safer place to be.  There will be people who think I have lost it.  But I have a cross to carry and if I pick it up and walk the path He has chosen, He helps me carry it.  I am excited to share what he does in my life as I let go of the control I pretended to have and allow Him to take it all. 
    

"Nowhere near the driver's seat, and I love this journey God's got me on!”
― Dolls Bowman