“Good character is the quality which makes one dependable whether being watched or not, which makes one truthful when it is to one's advantage to be a little less than truthful, which makes one courageous when faced with great obstacles, which endows one with the firmness of wise self-discipline.”
― Arthur S. Adams
Testimony is where it is at. To hear somebody's experience can make ours feel less intimidating, so I am going to share this experience in hopes that it helps someone else walk through a healing of their own.
The Lord has been speaking to me about the word "Stop!" We react in different ways to the Lord when He tells us to stop doing something. A friend mentioned the other day that I am hard on myself. I am strong in my convictions and I beat myself up more than anyone else possibly could. The enemy doesn't even need to help in some areas. Ha. The subject we were on is smoking. I have been told by God that it is time to stop. He actually told me this months ago. I was told that it is rebellion that stops me from laying it down. I have prayed many hours and begged Him to put the desire in me to stop. I have been prayed for and even stopped several times. What I noticed is it is the same situation every time that takes me back to it. It is anger toward one particular person that always drives me to get in my car and run to the store to start up the ugly, smelly habit once again.
I was leaving the store yesterday when out of the blue the Lord said to me, "What is the definition of stop?" Right away I pictured Him like I would my father when I was little and I cringed knowing the punishment was coming. But then He said, "What if my definition is - Let's figure out why you do this?" He was gentle, not beating me up, but actually drawing me into the curiosity of why I am having such a battle in this area. We all have these bad habits or addictions that we have tried to lay aside repeatedly. We feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, etc. It may be lying, gossiping, judging, drugs, alcohol, or whatever, we know we need to lay it down and walk away, but we cling to it like a security blanket.
I asked him, what do I get from smoking, that I am not willing to get from you Lord? He went back to a teaching I heard recently. I have never tried to hide the fact that I have an explosive temper. It is not nearly as bad as it was years ago, but when it has gotten out of control in the last couple years it has been at one person - the same person who I pick up cigarettes over. I have gone back and looked at the things I have said when I blew up and at times I can't believe it's me. The immaturity is ridiculous. I sound like a five year old. I can see me there with my arms crossed and my tongue sticking out. Seriously, it's embarrassing. What happened when I was five that stopped my emotional growth in this area. The root of the anger?
Then I see it - revelation - the person who hurt me at 5 and the person I get angry with today, have a lot of the same behavior. When I take a closer look, the behavior I can't stand in both of these men is toward women. They both had/have wandering eyes. They both get stupid when a pretty girl walks by. The way I see it, women are objects put on this earth for their pleasure. They are unfaithful. Is it deeper? Yes. I have no value in their eyes. No matter how good I try to be, I am not enough. They both say they love me, but their actions have said they don't. My feelings, my hurt doesn't matter to them. (By the way, neither of them reads this and that's why I am free to walk through this on here. In hopes it may help someone else walk through it)
How does this all tie to smoking? Anger? Anger at God for putting them in my life. For choosing them as ... role models? When I get angry at them, I smoke in a secret little rebellion toward God. I'm not trusting Him in either of these situations. I ask Him for more info and He points out that I do believe somewhere deep down in both their hearts they do love me, the best they know how. But, neither of them acknowledges my pain. They are both focused on how I have hurt them, let them down, walked away. Yes, I have walked away from both relationships and I am probably missing out, but it's easier to leave than see their faces, the disappointment in their eyes.
What next? Forgiveness and repentance. I have to walk through forgiving them for the behavior. I have to ask forgiveness for holding it against them, hanging on to the anger and allowing bitterness to grow. Yep, that big ball of rebellion is in my court. So I say it out loud, I forgive them. Do I feel it? No. In fact, I feel a little angry about it. I forgive them anyway, believing that one day I will mean it and I may even feel it. Asking forgiveness is easier. The repentance... I will work on it.
One thing I have to mention, the Lord did not talk about the sin of smoking or disobeying when He said to stop. All He wanted to talk about was the root cause, which you may think is anger, but that's just another symptom/sin. The root cause is hurt from rejection. How do I heal that? I push in toward Christ and find my security in Him. The world will reject me, but He never will. Did I put down the cigarettes today? Not yet, but it's coming. I believe it.
“The world is full of men who want to be right, when actually the secret of a man's strength and his pathway to true honor is his ability to admit fault when he has failed. God wants to fill the church with men who can say they are wrong when THEY ARE WRONG. A man who is willing to humble himself before God and his family and say: " I was wrong." will find that his family has all the confidence in the world in him and will much more readily follow him. If he stubbornly refuses to repent or admit he was wrong, their confidence in him and in his leadership erodes.”
― Jim Anderson, Unmasked: Exposing the Cultural Sexual Assault
Monday, September 30, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Imagination or God?
“Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God's love encompasses us completely. ... He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken.”
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf
The other day I went to a celebration for a training I had completed. They lined up all of us who had completed the course and had previous graduates and representatives from other areas pray over each of us, give words of knowledge and prophecy. It was powerful. People who had no idea what is going on in my life, who have never met me, who did not hear what other people prayed and heard, spoke truth over and over. I heard the same words confirmed over and over. I heard a lot of good things, but there was one thing that bothered me. A woman prayed an increase of imagination. WHAT? I have an incredible imagination. I write. I could make up a story right now, that would blow my own mind. I pray constantly that my imagination does not get in the way of reality. Maybe this comes from my fear of being crazy. When God does amazing things and says amazing things to me, I often think "There goes my imagination again." But when I asked God about this, He reminded me of her next words, "So that your mind is more open to what God is doing." Okay, this makes a little sense.
Right away I remembered a day almost a year ago, sitting on the deck outside my room. I had my earphones in, listening to one of my favorite worship songs and talking to God about the amazing things He was doing in my life. Then right in front of me, a cloud formed in my yard. Crazy? I thought so. I looked at this thing from every angle. I said I would never speak of it. This had to be my eyes playing tricks on me. Why would God hang a cloud in my front yard? Could anyone else see it? Was I finally losing it? Just as I was about to write it off as a freak, visual deception of a sick brain in my head, the song ended and the cloud evaporated. I won't even go into what else happened that night, but I know that I know that I know, there was a cloud in my front yard, put there for me, that tied into my worship. Am I crazy? There are people who worship God in a way I am not free to, there are people who follow Him to their own death. With all my failure, why would He do this for me?
Recently He answered that question. He did big things for me to grow my faith. He did these things so I could not deny Him, walk away from Him, turn in my Bible when His people turned on me. He told me a couple things. "I had to win you with the supernatural, because you didn't trust words." Makes sense to me with my history. Actions speak louder than words. I could read the bible all day about His love for me and all that He did, but it did not come alive to me. His actions did. They blew my mind.
For being a person who loves words, I love to use them, hear them, dissect them, I sure don't believe them very often. Too many times words have been like daggers to me. Too many times, the speaker was deceptive, the words were lies. Actions are where it is at in my world. The Lord told me, He would have lost me these last couple months had He not blown my mind with His awesome power.
Words spoken by a friend can end a friendship, words spoken by a spouse can end a marriage, and words spoken by a minister can end a ministry. The most valuable lesson I have learned in the last two years is to trust God, not people. People will let you down. Learning to have healthy relationships is very difficult when after almost 50 years you have never had one.
Last night, a pastor had us step off an imaginary diving board. We were to choose something we were afraid to let go of or step into and just step off the diving board into what God had for us. Acting out what we speak out is powerful. Actions speak loudly. For instance I recently watched a pastor at a healing service get frustrated and it spoke loudly to me. He had called up those who had received a word of knowledge about someone with an issue needing healing, but when they spoke it out and the person needing the healing did not acknowledge the word was for them, he said it did damage to the person with the word of knowledge. Just in case that wasn't clear, if I received a word from God that somebody in the room was having pain in their neck and I spoke that out, but the person with the pain in their neck did not acknowledge that it was them God was speaking of, it hurts the person who received the word from God, because they doubt they are hearing Him.
This spoke loudly to me, because I recently had a person who I trusted more than anyone scream at me that every word of knowledge I had given was wrong. I tried desperately not to allow these words to hurt me, but this on top of him warning others that I was unstable, just about made me turn in my Bible. Why? because the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. We don't always get it right and I know I have been wrong before, but over a two year period of telling this person several things God had spoken to me and having him confirm several times that I was hearing God and then turn around and tell me that every word was wrong, because of my trust in him, did some serious damage to my courage. Isolating in my room seemed like the thing to do. I pulled back from most all my friends, but there were a couple who wouldn't let go of me.
So, back to the imagination thing, what if it is all in my head? What if I live in a dream world? What if none of this is real and I have made it all up in my head? Sometimes when things get really ugly, it's hard to believe there is a God who would allow it. That's when God said, "I had to show you how big I am so you would not turn away, so I would not lose you when all this happened."
How do you get past this? I went for prayer constantly. I honestly went back to the place where I would lie in bed at night and tell Jesus to leave me alone. We had to start over, almost from scratch. The few things I had to hold on to were a few good friends who spoke truth even when it hurt and some big moments when God spoke to me and I could not deny it. He talks to me a lot in dreams and visions and if we are too strict with leaving our imagination out of our relationship we will miss the cloud. We would miss that still small voice.
Have you ever imagined or acted out giving something to God? I do it all the time. I take my kids and lay them in His big arms, by closing my eyes and picturing it. Sometimes those pictures escape from the control of my imagination and He speaks to me. The other day, very frustrated I said, "God, sometimes I just want to crawl up in your lap and forget this world." Immediately I saw a picture of His lap and His outstretched hands and though I did not see His face, I heard His voice, "Come on up." I walked away.
Within days, this came up while I was being prayed for. "Why are you afraid to climb up in the Father's lap?" Why? Because I remember being sexually molested while sitting in a grown man's lap - three different men. Do you see how the enemy works here? What better way to keep me out of God's lap than by making it a dirty place. Often times when the abuse issues are big or I don't feel safe, Jesus comes to me as a boy, because it's safe that way. I can talk to Him when that adult male figure is too scary. So, Jesus as a boy of about 12 said to me, "One day, I will take you there. One day, I will climb up in His lap with you. When you are ready." Does this sound crazy? It does to me, but I hear Him and this is what He said. Could it be the enemy? No, the enemy tried to keep me from a relationship with Christ. He does not want me and Jesus sitting in God's lap together. Could it be my flesh? Maybe. Maybe God is using my flesh to heal me, because that is what is happening.
I thought I was through most of the painful stuff, but the onion just keeps getting peeled back further and further. I have been praying, "God, help me accept that you love me and that you are safe." Seems like a pretty simple prayer, but I have really gone backwards in my trust issues. I really battle it every day. Yesterday the Lord woke me up early to pray. He had specific people to pray for and specific situations and messages He wanted me to send. I am back to battling whether I hear Him or not. There are people who have said to me, "I wish I heard God the way you do" This makes me wonder, am I really hearing Him. The enemy has really done a number on me through those I trusted to make me doubt myself and my ability to hear God. I do not want to do anything that is not in His will, but sometimes what He asks me to do is so difficult and I have even asked him to send someone else. Yesterday, He gave me a choice. He said, "This is what I want you to do, but I am going to give you a choice." I knew He would not hold it against me (if you will) but I did what He wanted. The blessings came.
Last night, during worship a picture flashed in my mind. The picture was so clear, I could not deny it. Yes, I have an imagination which helped me accept it was Him speaking to me. The picture was of the day my dad left. I was the one who grabbed onto him and begged him not to go. This is a painful memory that happened at 11 years old, so to see me running after him at a younger age was not how I would have imagined it. I was running fast and full of fear of him getting away. The tears started, because I didn't understand what He was showing me. Then I saw him, as I was running up behind him walking away. But, when he turned around, it wasn't my dad, it was God. He held out His arms and I ran right up into them. I heard Him clearly say, "I will never leave you." Was this my imagination? Was this what my flesh wanted? Absolutely! But it was my imagination that allowed God to show me, it is what He wants too. Needless to say there were a lot of tears last night.
Then a man I have seen several times, but never talked to, approached me with a word from God. I knew he had heard from God, because of the words he spoke. He told me that Jesus was going to slowly bring me to our Father and interpret for Him until I was comfortable. That was just too close to what Jesus had told me to deny it was Him. This man went on to tell me about his experience and how he had been told his words were false. Everything he said about his life spoke to me, because we had shared so many of the same painful experiences and awesome experiences. I have talked to many people who "get" a part of me, but I had never talked to anyone who "gets" me like this man. I found a freedom last night, a validation, a confirmation from God like I have never experienced. Am I crazy? I feel crazy sometimes and when I read this blog, sometimes I wonder if I would believe me. I wonder why I even write about this stuff.
But one of the people who spoke over me the other night said, "People open up to you, don't they?" I said, "Yes, they do." Then she said, "Because you are so transparent, you are not afraid to share because you know the power in it." She prayed for even more transparency. This woman and the man I spoke with both said, "God is pleased with your hunger for Him and your willingness to obey." That's where the blessings are. They are in the obedience. Even if it hurts, it is where the intimacy is. My heart was broken repeatedly and often times I don't know how to love, but I do know how to obey and that's the way I love Him. To me, nothing else matters. We don't have to follow any rules, or worry about any rules, because if we listen to Him and do what He wants, we won't break any of the rules, we will be doing it His way, the only way. Obedience leads to blessings and more importantly, Him.
If God told me there is only one thing He wants me to speak to people about, it would be hearing Him. The Lord often speaks to me through nature, numbers, people, and even clouds. English is not His first language. If I could teach one thing, it would be to open up your heart, your imagination and listen. Allow the Creator to be creative.
“[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf
The other day I went to a celebration for a training I had completed. They lined up all of us who had completed the course and had previous graduates and representatives from other areas pray over each of us, give words of knowledge and prophecy. It was powerful. People who had no idea what is going on in my life, who have never met me, who did not hear what other people prayed and heard, spoke truth over and over. I heard the same words confirmed over and over. I heard a lot of good things, but there was one thing that bothered me. A woman prayed an increase of imagination. WHAT? I have an incredible imagination. I write. I could make up a story right now, that would blow my own mind. I pray constantly that my imagination does not get in the way of reality. Maybe this comes from my fear of being crazy. When God does amazing things and says amazing things to me, I often think "There goes my imagination again." But when I asked God about this, He reminded me of her next words, "So that your mind is more open to what God is doing." Okay, this makes a little sense.
Right away I remembered a day almost a year ago, sitting on the deck outside my room. I had my earphones in, listening to one of my favorite worship songs and talking to God about the amazing things He was doing in my life. Then right in front of me, a cloud formed in my yard. Crazy? I thought so. I looked at this thing from every angle. I said I would never speak of it. This had to be my eyes playing tricks on me. Why would God hang a cloud in my front yard? Could anyone else see it? Was I finally losing it? Just as I was about to write it off as a freak, visual deception of a sick brain in my head, the song ended and the cloud evaporated. I won't even go into what else happened that night, but I know that I know that I know, there was a cloud in my front yard, put there for me, that tied into my worship. Am I crazy? There are people who worship God in a way I am not free to, there are people who follow Him to their own death. With all my failure, why would He do this for me?
Recently He answered that question. He did big things for me to grow my faith. He did these things so I could not deny Him, walk away from Him, turn in my Bible when His people turned on me. He told me a couple things. "I had to win you with the supernatural, because you didn't trust words." Makes sense to me with my history. Actions speak louder than words. I could read the bible all day about His love for me and all that He did, but it did not come alive to me. His actions did. They blew my mind.
For being a person who loves words, I love to use them, hear them, dissect them, I sure don't believe them very often. Too many times words have been like daggers to me. Too many times, the speaker was deceptive, the words were lies. Actions are where it is at in my world. The Lord told me, He would have lost me these last couple months had He not blown my mind with His awesome power.
Words spoken by a friend can end a friendship, words spoken by a spouse can end a marriage, and words spoken by a minister can end a ministry. The most valuable lesson I have learned in the last two years is to trust God, not people. People will let you down. Learning to have healthy relationships is very difficult when after almost 50 years you have never had one.
Last night, a pastor had us step off an imaginary diving board. We were to choose something we were afraid to let go of or step into and just step off the diving board into what God had for us. Acting out what we speak out is powerful. Actions speak loudly. For instance I recently watched a pastor at a healing service get frustrated and it spoke loudly to me. He had called up those who had received a word of knowledge about someone with an issue needing healing, but when they spoke it out and the person needing the healing did not acknowledge the word was for them, he said it did damage to the person with the word of knowledge. Just in case that wasn't clear, if I received a word from God that somebody in the room was having pain in their neck and I spoke that out, but the person with the pain in their neck did not acknowledge that it was them God was speaking of, it hurts the person who received the word from God, because they doubt they are hearing Him.
This spoke loudly to me, because I recently had a person who I trusted more than anyone scream at me that every word of knowledge I had given was wrong. I tried desperately not to allow these words to hurt me, but this on top of him warning others that I was unstable, just about made me turn in my Bible. Why? because the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. We don't always get it right and I know I have been wrong before, but over a two year period of telling this person several things God had spoken to me and having him confirm several times that I was hearing God and then turn around and tell me that every word was wrong, because of my trust in him, did some serious damage to my courage. Isolating in my room seemed like the thing to do. I pulled back from most all my friends, but there were a couple who wouldn't let go of me.
So, back to the imagination thing, what if it is all in my head? What if I live in a dream world? What if none of this is real and I have made it all up in my head? Sometimes when things get really ugly, it's hard to believe there is a God who would allow it. That's when God said, "I had to show you how big I am so you would not turn away, so I would not lose you when all this happened."
How do you get past this? I went for prayer constantly. I honestly went back to the place where I would lie in bed at night and tell Jesus to leave me alone. We had to start over, almost from scratch. The few things I had to hold on to were a few good friends who spoke truth even when it hurt and some big moments when God spoke to me and I could not deny it. He talks to me a lot in dreams and visions and if we are too strict with leaving our imagination out of our relationship we will miss the cloud. We would miss that still small voice.
Have you ever imagined or acted out giving something to God? I do it all the time. I take my kids and lay them in His big arms, by closing my eyes and picturing it. Sometimes those pictures escape from the control of my imagination and He speaks to me. The other day, very frustrated I said, "God, sometimes I just want to crawl up in your lap and forget this world." Immediately I saw a picture of His lap and His outstretched hands and though I did not see His face, I heard His voice, "Come on up." I walked away.
Within days, this came up while I was being prayed for. "Why are you afraid to climb up in the Father's lap?" Why? Because I remember being sexually molested while sitting in a grown man's lap - three different men. Do you see how the enemy works here? What better way to keep me out of God's lap than by making it a dirty place. Often times when the abuse issues are big or I don't feel safe, Jesus comes to me as a boy, because it's safe that way. I can talk to Him when that adult male figure is too scary. So, Jesus as a boy of about 12 said to me, "One day, I will take you there. One day, I will climb up in His lap with you. When you are ready." Does this sound crazy? It does to me, but I hear Him and this is what He said. Could it be the enemy? No, the enemy tried to keep me from a relationship with Christ. He does not want me and Jesus sitting in God's lap together. Could it be my flesh? Maybe. Maybe God is using my flesh to heal me, because that is what is happening.
I thought I was through most of the painful stuff, but the onion just keeps getting peeled back further and further. I have been praying, "God, help me accept that you love me and that you are safe." Seems like a pretty simple prayer, but I have really gone backwards in my trust issues. I really battle it every day. Yesterday the Lord woke me up early to pray. He had specific people to pray for and specific situations and messages He wanted me to send. I am back to battling whether I hear Him or not. There are people who have said to me, "I wish I heard God the way you do" This makes me wonder, am I really hearing Him. The enemy has really done a number on me through those I trusted to make me doubt myself and my ability to hear God. I do not want to do anything that is not in His will, but sometimes what He asks me to do is so difficult and I have even asked him to send someone else. Yesterday, He gave me a choice. He said, "This is what I want you to do, but I am going to give you a choice." I knew He would not hold it against me (if you will) but I did what He wanted. The blessings came.
Last night, during worship a picture flashed in my mind. The picture was so clear, I could not deny it. Yes, I have an imagination which helped me accept it was Him speaking to me. The picture was of the day my dad left. I was the one who grabbed onto him and begged him not to go. This is a painful memory that happened at 11 years old, so to see me running after him at a younger age was not how I would have imagined it. I was running fast and full of fear of him getting away. The tears started, because I didn't understand what He was showing me. Then I saw him, as I was running up behind him walking away. But, when he turned around, it wasn't my dad, it was God. He held out His arms and I ran right up into them. I heard Him clearly say, "I will never leave you." Was this my imagination? Was this what my flesh wanted? Absolutely! But it was my imagination that allowed God to show me, it is what He wants too. Needless to say there were a lot of tears last night.
Then a man I have seen several times, but never talked to, approached me with a word from God. I knew he had heard from God, because of the words he spoke. He told me that Jesus was going to slowly bring me to our Father and interpret for Him until I was comfortable. That was just too close to what Jesus had told me to deny it was Him. This man went on to tell me about his experience and how he had been told his words were false. Everything he said about his life spoke to me, because we had shared so many of the same painful experiences and awesome experiences. I have talked to many people who "get" a part of me, but I had never talked to anyone who "gets" me like this man. I found a freedom last night, a validation, a confirmation from God like I have never experienced. Am I crazy? I feel crazy sometimes and when I read this blog, sometimes I wonder if I would believe me. I wonder why I even write about this stuff.
But one of the people who spoke over me the other night said, "People open up to you, don't they?" I said, "Yes, they do." Then she said, "Because you are so transparent, you are not afraid to share because you know the power in it." She prayed for even more transparency. This woman and the man I spoke with both said, "God is pleased with your hunger for Him and your willingness to obey." That's where the blessings are. They are in the obedience. Even if it hurts, it is where the intimacy is. My heart was broken repeatedly and often times I don't know how to love, but I do know how to obey and that's the way I love Him. To me, nothing else matters. We don't have to follow any rules, or worry about any rules, because if we listen to Him and do what He wants, we won't break any of the rules, we will be doing it His way, the only way. Obedience leads to blessings and more importantly, Him.
If God told me there is only one thing He wants me to speak to people about, it would be hearing Him. The Lord often speaks to me through nature, numbers, people, and even clouds. English is not His first language. If I could teach one thing, it would be to open up your heart, your imagination and listen. Allow the Creator to be creative.
“[To have Faith in Christ] means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have really handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get to Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Pervert alert?
“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ would take the slums out of people, and then they would take themselves out of the slums.
The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”
― Ezra Taft Benson
You know those things from childhood that make you smile when you think about them? I always liked to walk barefoot on a dirt road. I grew up between two very large berry farms and the smell of berries would ride in on the breeze. Some things other's might find disgusting, for instance I found comfort in the smell of a sweating horse. The smell of dirt, leather and hay. Cedar branches burning. My grandma wandered around her yard raking up fallen cedar twigs and fed them into a small fire.
Then there are people. My cousin recently told me, he found comfort in the smell of our grandpa. Old Spice, beer and cigarettes? But to him it was comfort. I can still smell Grandpa if I try. My dad worked for an asphalt company and I can remember his smell after a long hard day at work. There are voices too. My head on my dad's chest when I was really tired. His deep voice would vibrate under my ear and I wanted him to keep talking. There are many different ways we find comfort in people. Everybody has those places and people that were safe.
There are also moments when things were bad and somebody showed up. I was about seven and had to have surgery. I had bad bladder infections and my kidney had become infected. I remember moments from that day. The drug they gave me while I waited on a bed in the hall. The nurse counting backward with me, while several student doctors stood around me and I fell into a deep sleep. I was scared to death. Waking up in a room with an old scary woman in the bed next to me groaning. I remember feeling very alone and scared and then I glanced over to the door and through the little square window, I saw my mom's face. She had not left me there. I was really going to get to go home.
You're a little kid, sitting in the lap of an adult that made your world a good place. Every muscle in your body relaxes, because you know that they won't let anything happen to you. And then it happens. They touch you, where they are not suppose to touch you. Your world spins out of control. There is the denial. "That did not just happen" There is the confusion, the desire to run, the fear of what's next. Safe just became insane. Safe just became scary. Heaven just became hell. There are all kinds of questions. How did I not know this person was bad? What did I do to bring this on? In that instance your whole world changes.
When I decided to follow Christ, I asked Him to give me dreams and visions. The very first dream was not visual at all. I heard a voice say, "Pray for discernment." I knew it was God, because I didn't know exactly what discernment was and when I found out, I knew the enemy didn't want me to have it, so it was God talking to me through a dream. I have and still do pray for discernment often. I also pray it over other people, because it is important in this day.
Years ago, my brother was in a group home and I went there with my mom. When I met the man who was running the place with his wife, the feeling I got was not good. I wanted away from him immediately. When we got in the car to leave, my first words to my mom were "Get him out of there." Mom didn't understand at all. I couldn't give her a real reason why I felt the way I felt, how I knew what I knew. Months later she got a call in the middle of the night to go get my brother. The man had been raping the disabled women in the home and beat anyone who tried to stop him. My brother received two black eyes. I always thought this was some kind of sixth sense I got from being sexually abused, but now I believe it was discernment. I don't blame mom, how could she know?
We as a society expect people to look a certain way. Even though I think we have somewhat gotten past the idea that perverts always look like perverts, we still expect crooks to look like crooks and Christians to look like Christians. There is a young man in one of my groups that I love to introduce to people. He is covered in tattoos and wears a short Mohawk. I could actually see how some people could be a little intimidated if they were to run into him in the dark, but they don't know what I know. This man is a follower of Christ. There is not one person or thing that could take him off the path he is on. He wants to be in a relationship with Jesus no matter the cost. He is not a man who smiles a lot until you get to know him. I know that I know if I was ever in trouble, he is the one I want beside me. He is willing to die for his country, his family, his friends, but mostly His Father, God. And yet at the same time, he is the one man who has allowed me to cry on his shoulder, literally, snot and all, right down his tattooed sleeve. He is not what most religious people expect a Christian to look like on the outside, but he is quickly becoming more and more what God wants on the inside.
Some people fit the bill. The scraggly neighbor kid might be the neighborhood thief. The unkempt old guy down the street may be the sex offender we expect. The elder in the church who is always early, wears a suit and prays over anyone who will let him, is likely the Christ follower we expect. But what if he is not?
What God has been talking o me about lately is how important discernment truly is. It is easy for us to believe that Al Qadea has sleeper cells in America and other places in this world, but we find it difficult to believe the enemy has sleeper cells in our churches. We should be able to spot a Satanic worshipper from a mile away, right? Maybe they don't worship Satan, but what if they are following him? What if they are under demonic influence that they don't even realize? It's easy to believe the anti-Christ will look evil, but if he does how will he bring peace? The man who molested me, became an elder in the church and was a medic. Who would have thought he would ever say something like, "God wants us to do this?"
Discernment is needed in every believer. We all need to be praying and paying attention. The Bible says in the last days many will fall away. I have heard stories of people believed to be dedicated Christ followers, turning away. I don't get it. I can't imagine ever going back. I know that I know that I know God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit are all real, they are love, and they are the only way. I cannot imagine walking away from Him, but people do, people are. That term falling away means they were once followers and the Bible says
The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”
― Ezra Taft Benson
You know those things from childhood that make you smile when you think about them? I always liked to walk barefoot on a dirt road. I grew up between two very large berry farms and the smell of berries would ride in on the breeze. Some things other's might find disgusting, for instance I found comfort in the smell of a sweating horse. The smell of dirt, leather and hay. Cedar branches burning. My grandma wandered around her yard raking up fallen cedar twigs and fed them into a small fire.
Then there are people. My cousin recently told me, he found comfort in the smell of our grandpa. Old Spice, beer and cigarettes? But to him it was comfort. I can still smell Grandpa if I try. My dad worked for an asphalt company and I can remember his smell after a long hard day at work. There are voices too. My head on my dad's chest when I was really tired. His deep voice would vibrate under my ear and I wanted him to keep talking. There are many different ways we find comfort in people. Everybody has those places and people that were safe.
There are also moments when things were bad and somebody showed up. I was about seven and had to have surgery. I had bad bladder infections and my kidney had become infected. I remember moments from that day. The drug they gave me while I waited on a bed in the hall. The nurse counting backward with me, while several student doctors stood around me and I fell into a deep sleep. I was scared to death. Waking up in a room with an old scary woman in the bed next to me groaning. I remember feeling very alone and scared and then I glanced over to the door and through the little square window, I saw my mom's face. She had not left me there. I was really going to get to go home.
You're a little kid, sitting in the lap of an adult that made your world a good place. Every muscle in your body relaxes, because you know that they won't let anything happen to you. And then it happens. They touch you, where they are not suppose to touch you. Your world spins out of control. There is the denial. "That did not just happen" There is the confusion, the desire to run, the fear of what's next. Safe just became insane. Safe just became scary. Heaven just became hell. There are all kinds of questions. How did I not know this person was bad? What did I do to bring this on? In that instance your whole world changes.
When I decided to follow Christ, I asked Him to give me dreams and visions. The very first dream was not visual at all. I heard a voice say, "Pray for discernment." I knew it was God, because I didn't know exactly what discernment was and when I found out, I knew the enemy didn't want me to have it, so it was God talking to me through a dream. I have and still do pray for discernment often. I also pray it over other people, because it is important in this day.
Years ago, my brother was in a group home and I went there with my mom. When I met the man who was running the place with his wife, the feeling I got was not good. I wanted away from him immediately. When we got in the car to leave, my first words to my mom were "Get him out of there." Mom didn't understand at all. I couldn't give her a real reason why I felt the way I felt, how I knew what I knew. Months later she got a call in the middle of the night to go get my brother. The man had been raping the disabled women in the home and beat anyone who tried to stop him. My brother received two black eyes. I always thought this was some kind of sixth sense I got from being sexually abused, but now I believe it was discernment. I don't blame mom, how could she know?
We as a society expect people to look a certain way. Even though I think we have somewhat gotten past the idea that perverts always look like perverts, we still expect crooks to look like crooks and Christians to look like Christians. There is a young man in one of my groups that I love to introduce to people. He is covered in tattoos and wears a short Mohawk. I could actually see how some people could be a little intimidated if they were to run into him in the dark, but they don't know what I know. This man is a follower of Christ. There is not one person or thing that could take him off the path he is on. He wants to be in a relationship with Jesus no matter the cost. He is not a man who smiles a lot until you get to know him. I know that I know if I was ever in trouble, he is the one I want beside me. He is willing to die for his country, his family, his friends, but mostly His Father, God. And yet at the same time, he is the one man who has allowed me to cry on his shoulder, literally, snot and all, right down his tattooed sleeve. He is not what most religious people expect a Christian to look like on the outside, but he is quickly becoming more and more what God wants on the inside.
Some people fit the bill. The scraggly neighbor kid might be the neighborhood thief. The unkempt old guy down the street may be the sex offender we expect. The elder in the church who is always early, wears a suit and prays over anyone who will let him, is likely the Christ follower we expect. But what if he is not?
What God has been talking o me about lately is how important discernment truly is. It is easy for us to believe that Al Qadea has sleeper cells in America and other places in this world, but we find it difficult to believe the enemy has sleeper cells in our churches. We should be able to spot a Satanic worshipper from a mile away, right? Maybe they don't worship Satan, but what if they are following him? What if they are under demonic influence that they don't even realize? It's easy to believe the anti-Christ will look evil, but if he does how will he bring peace? The man who molested me, became an elder in the church and was a medic. Who would have thought he would ever say something like, "God wants us to do this?"
Discernment is needed in every believer. We all need to be praying and paying attention. The Bible says in the last days many will fall away. I have heard stories of people believed to be dedicated Christ followers, turning away. I don't get it. I can't imagine ever going back. I know that I know that I know God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit are all real, they are love, and they are the only way. I cannot imagine walking away from Him, but people do, people are. That term falling away means they were once followers and the Bible says
2 Peter 2:21
New International Version (NIV)
21 It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them.
Scary, isn't it? The anti-Christ spirit is among us. It is a spirit of anger and rebellion that is making it's home in some churches. I'm not talking about the man who is supposed to come, I'm talking about the spirit that is infiltrating itself into the Church body. When a man makes himself his own God, and follows his own will instead of Gods will and disobeys Christ knowingly, like Satan did, I would say he is under the anti-Christ spirit. How do we know who it is? Discernment is the only way. Things are going to get crazy and we cannot trust people more than we trust God. The wounds from our past often times were inflicted for that reason, to come between us and God. We may love and trust someone for many years. We may be sitting in a leaders spiritual lap, feeling really safe, finding comfort in his voice, and believing we are his protected sheep. But, we are responsible to keep our eyes open. We are responsible to learn God's voice and trust Him over any man.
Let's go back to the little kid sitting in the lap of the safe adult and compare it to the leader's lap. The safe adult then physically/spiritually touches them in a way that should never happen. What happens next? We make excuses for the adults behavior. We blame ourselves. Very rarely does a child jump up from the perverts lap and say "No, that is wrong and I won't allow you to touch me again." More likely, they sit there with their mouths shut, believing the lies. They endure, while thinking there is something wrong with them. They don't want to cause a problem or be a problem. They choose hell.
I was born to expose the demonic. I am not about to sit still while a perverted man/woman is touching a child and I will not sit still while a perverted man/woman, misleads God's sheep. Will you?
“Jesus Christ lived in the midst of his enemies. At the end all his disciples deserted him. On the Cross he was utterly alone, surrounded by evildoers and mockers. For this cause he had come, to bring peace to the enemies of God. So the Christian, too, belongs not in the seclusion of a cloistered life but in the thick of foes. There is his commission, his work. 'The kingdom is to be in the midst of your enemies. And he who will not suffer this does not want to be of the Kingdom of Christ; he wants to be among friends, to sit among roses and lilies, not with the bad people but the devout people. O you blasphemers and betrayers of Christ! If Christ had done what you are doing who would ever have been spared' (Luther).”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community
Scary, isn't it? The anti-Christ spirit is among us. It is a spirit of anger and rebellion that is making it's home in some churches. I'm not talking about the man who is supposed to come, I'm talking about the spirit that is infiltrating itself into the Church body. When a man makes himself his own God, and follows his own will instead of Gods will and disobeys Christ knowingly, like Satan did, I would say he is under the anti-Christ spirit. How do we know who it is? Discernment is the only way. Things are going to get crazy and we cannot trust people more than we trust God. The wounds from our past often times were inflicted for that reason, to come between us and God. We may love and trust someone for many years. We may be sitting in a leaders spiritual lap, feeling really safe, finding comfort in his voice, and believing we are his protected sheep. But, we are responsible to keep our eyes open. We are responsible to learn God's voice and trust Him over any man.
Let's go back to the little kid sitting in the lap of the safe adult and compare it to the leader's lap. The safe adult then physically/spiritually touches them in a way that should never happen. What happens next? We make excuses for the adults behavior. We blame ourselves. Very rarely does a child jump up from the perverts lap and say "No, that is wrong and I won't allow you to touch me again." More likely, they sit there with their mouths shut, believing the lies. They endure, while thinking there is something wrong with them. They don't want to cause a problem or be a problem. They choose hell.
I was born to expose the demonic. I am not about to sit still while a perverted man/woman is touching a child and I will not sit still while a perverted man/woman, misleads God's sheep. Will you?
“Jesus Christ lived in the midst of his enemies. At the end all his disciples deserted him. On the Cross he was utterly alone, surrounded by evildoers and mockers. For this cause he had come, to bring peace to the enemies of God. So the Christian, too, belongs not in the seclusion of a cloistered life but in the thick of foes. There is his commission, his work. 'The kingdom is to be in the midst of your enemies. And he who will not suffer this does not want to be of the Kingdom of Christ; he wants to be among friends, to sit among roses and lilies, not with the bad people but the devout people. O you blasphemers and betrayers of Christ! If Christ had done what you are doing who would ever have been spared' (Luther).”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community
Monday, September 23, 2013
Temptation?
“A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is... A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Free will to forgive!
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.........Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity
Again God is showing me how all the conversations and lessons lately are tied together for a reason, for His Glory!! There was a conversation recently where one person said, "It's easier to forgive when they are truly sorry." This is true. Many times when we receive a heartfelt apology, we don't hesitate one bit to forgive, but what about when there is no apology and more importantly - NO repentance?
This morning the Lord gave me a picture of a time when all my kids were much shorter than I, which today is only true for one of them. I could hold things above their heads and no matter how they struggled they could not reach it. This is what we do with forgiveness.
Say you hold candy out of the reach of children (or shorter adults), far above your head. There is almost enjoyment at first, until you realize your arms are aching from being held high. You switch hands to alleviate the pain, but soon both arms ache as you pass the candy back and forth between hands. You may even get to a point where you get a little grumpy because you know if you let your hands down they will grab the candy without truly earning it. You realize, you aren't really enjoying the candy either, because even if you are sneaking a bite here and there you don't get a chance to enjoy it. Don't we do this with forgiveness. It's mine to give, right? You can't make me forgive, right? Not the perfect analogy, but you get the picture.
Not one of the people who abused me over the years has paid for it in any way that I am aware of. Nobody was charged with a crime, nobody was disciplined in any way. I confronted one and it helped a bit, but the secret is still being kept. He has not had to face any person who knows about the crime, but me. I am the only one who has said, "That was wrong." Has he said he is sorry? No. None of them have. But, I have forgiven them, some of them several times. Whenever anger enters my thoughts, I forgive again.
When a grown man abuses a child, rapes a teen or beats a woman we can totally understand how difficult it is to forgive, even if they were sorry. In my opinion sorry is not enough. Repentance is what God instructs. To be sorry is a feeling, a regret, but is it for the action or for getting caught. Repentance is an action. It is a way of proving the feeling of regret. To go through the humiliation and pain of repentance proves the feeling of truly being sorry for the action, not just getting caught.
I think just about every person has someone who has hurt them, that they have not forgiven or have found it difficult to forgive. They may say they have, but they hang on to a bitterness that is killing them. It may be a general bitterness, like against a race, a type of person, or gender. For instance, if a man has un-forgiveness toward his mother, but he thinks he has forgiven her and maybe their relationship is even healed to a degree, but when he meats a women with the same characteristics, the bitterness he denies is revived.
For instance, I know a man who has bitterness toward a woman in his past because she never took responsibility for her role in a failure. He says he has forgiven, but admits is still hurt by it. This is an area we saw eye to eye, because just like I wanted her to apologize for hurting him, he wanted the people who abused me to apologize to me.
What happens when we hang on to the bitterness caused by hurt caused by some one who does not repent? It grows. Eventually, we become angry at God for the person's actions. Eventually we walk on and hurt people and refuse to repent ourselves. This is called rebellion. Rebellion is not only refusing to submit to a higher authority, but it is submitting to a spirit of pride. Bitterness in the heart comes out in the words. It may not even be obvious, but it will come out.
I heard somebody say recently that the Lord will not allow His sheep to be deceived. It's okay to admit we were wrong and repent, but it is not okay to fight against God and ever think you can win. She was talking to teachers, when she said, Obey God, repent, or sit down. Refusing to forgive is a sin. Hanging on to bitterness is a sin. We may not think it affects us, but it does.
Bitterness can be passed down through generations. If you have an anger/bitterness toward a race, gender, or religion it's likely your kids will pick up that same feeling toward those people. We don't want to be remembered for what we have done. We want to be remembered for who we are - in our heart. But un-forgiveness causes us to remember others by what they have done, not who they truly are - in their heart. There are some amazing stories about forgiveness. One man was falsely accused of rape and spent over a decade in prison before DNA testing cleared his name. Now he and the woman who said he raped her travel around speaking together. Their families are close friends. Last night I heard a story of two men who are good friends. One of the men's grandson shot and killed the other man's son. Now they have created a program where they speak to teens about guns and violence and forgiveness. After watching these kinds of stories, how can a person not forgive for some of the small things we are holding onto, no matter how big they are to us?
I have heard stories also about the guilty party repenting only after the so called victim forgave them. The cool thing is they didn't even know they had been forgiven. It was as though the victim had tied them up with an invisible rope of un-forgiveness and all they could do was fight against being bound. Once they were forgiven (even without being aware of it) the rope they didn't even acknowledge dropped to the ground and they could see clearly.
I know hurts can run so deep we don't even realize they are still there. We have to ask Jesus to shine His light into the dark places in us. The rebellious and prideful side of us screams, "You don't understand what they did to me." and I totally get that because I have screamed those words a thousand times, and even now fight screaming them as I forgive one person in my life sometimes several times a day. There are people who don't understand how deep the pain runs, because they don't understand the whole experience, but it doesn't matter. Forgiveness, to truly forgive someone for a deep hurt is between two people only. You and God. If the party who hurt wants to be a part of that circle, great, but often they don't.
I have on many occasions shared raw honesty with God. "It hurts." or "I don't want to forgive them" or even "I want revenge." It helps get past the feelings and focus on the forgiveness. Sometimes I feel so small when I talk to Him about my pain, but it's part of working through it. I think the worst is when they don't even see that they have done anything wrong. They may even consider themselves totally innocent and somehow blame you for what happened. That's painful. When somebody has hurt you so deeply and they say, "I have done nothing wrong - this is all your fault." You cry out to God in the middle of the night when you can't sleep and you feel like nobody understands. Then you remember Him hanging there. They all thought He was guilty, deserved it, they were not to blame, it was His fault. And He whispers, "Forgive them, they don't know what they are doing."
He gave them free will to hurt us. He gives us free will to forgive them. It seems a little unbalanced to forgive someone who is not sorry for their actions, but then again it seems a little unbalanced to not forgive somebody for one or two things they did, when Jesus forgave us for every little thing we even thought about doing.
The day that Jesus was crushed for our sins, He revealed the meaning of true justice. Justice was no longer found in revenge, but in forgiveness. - Supernatural Power of Forgiveness
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity
Again God is showing me how all the conversations and lessons lately are tied together for a reason, for His Glory!! There was a conversation recently where one person said, "It's easier to forgive when they are truly sorry." This is true. Many times when we receive a heartfelt apology, we don't hesitate one bit to forgive, but what about when there is no apology and more importantly - NO repentance?
This morning the Lord gave me a picture of a time when all my kids were much shorter than I, which today is only true for one of them. I could hold things above their heads and no matter how they struggled they could not reach it. This is what we do with forgiveness.
Say you hold candy out of the reach of children (or shorter adults), far above your head. There is almost enjoyment at first, until you realize your arms are aching from being held high. You switch hands to alleviate the pain, but soon both arms ache as you pass the candy back and forth between hands. You may even get to a point where you get a little grumpy because you know if you let your hands down they will grab the candy without truly earning it. You realize, you aren't really enjoying the candy either, because even if you are sneaking a bite here and there you don't get a chance to enjoy it. Don't we do this with forgiveness. It's mine to give, right? You can't make me forgive, right? Not the perfect analogy, but you get the picture.
Not one of the people who abused me over the years has paid for it in any way that I am aware of. Nobody was charged with a crime, nobody was disciplined in any way. I confronted one and it helped a bit, but the secret is still being kept. He has not had to face any person who knows about the crime, but me. I am the only one who has said, "That was wrong." Has he said he is sorry? No. None of them have. But, I have forgiven them, some of them several times. Whenever anger enters my thoughts, I forgive again.
When a grown man abuses a child, rapes a teen or beats a woman we can totally understand how difficult it is to forgive, even if they were sorry. In my opinion sorry is not enough. Repentance is what God instructs. To be sorry is a feeling, a regret, but is it for the action or for getting caught. Repentance is an action. It is a way of proving the feeling of regret. To go through the humiliation and pain of repentance proves the feeling of truly being sorry for the action, not just getting caught.
I think just about every person has someone who has hurt them, that they have not forgiven or have found it difficult to forgive. They may say they have, but they hang on to a bitterness that is killing them. It may be a general bitterness, like against a race, a type of person, or gender. For instance, if a man has un-forgiveness toward his mother, but he thinks he has forgiven her and maybe their relationship is even healed to a degree, but when he meats a women with the same characteristics, the bitterness he denies is revived.
For instance, I know a man who has bitterness toward a woman in his past because she never took responsibility for her role in a failure. He says he has forgiven, but admits is still hurt by it. This is an area we saw eye to eye, because just like I wanted her to apologize for hurting him, he wanted the people who abused me to apologize to me.
What happens when we hang on to the bitterness caused by hurt caused by some one who does not repent? It grows. Eventually, we become angry at God for the person's actions. Eventually we walk on and hurt people and refuse to repent ourselves. This is called rebellion. Rebellion is not only refusing to submit to a higher authority, but it is submitting to a spirit of pride. Bitterness in the heart comes out in the words. It may not even be obvious, but it will come out.
I heard somebody say recently that the Lord will not allow His sheep to be deceived. It's okay to admit we were wrong and repent, but it is not okay to fight against God and ever think you can win. She was talking to teachers, when she said, Obey God, repent, or sit down. Refusing to forgive is a sin. Hanging on to bitterness is a sin. We may not think it affects us, but it does.
Bitterness can be passed down through generations. If you have an anger/bitterness toward a race, gender, or religion it's likely your kids will pick up that same feeling toward those people. We don't want to be remembered for what we have done. We want to be remembered for who we are - in our heart. But un-forgiveness causes us to remember others by what they have done, not who they truly are - in their heart. There are some amazing stories about forgiveness. One man was falsely accused of rape and spent over a decade in prison before DNA testing cleared his name. Now he and the woman who said he raped her travel around speaking together. Their families are close friends. Last night I heard a story of two men who are good friends. One of the men's grandson shot and killed the other man's son. Now they have created a program where they speak to teens about guns and violence and forgiveness. After watching these kinds of stories, how can a person not forgive for some of the small things we are holding onto, no matter how big they are to us?
I have heard stories also about the guilty party repenting only after the so called victim forgave them. The cool thing is they didn't even know they had been forgiven. It was as though the victim had tied them up with an invisible rope of un-forgiveness and all they could do was fight against being bound. Once they were forgiven (even without being aware of it) the rope they didn't even acknowledge dropped to the ground and they could see clearly.
I know hurts can run so deep we don't even realize they are still there. We have to ask Jesus to shine His light into the dark places in us. The rebellious and prideful side of us screams, "You don't understand what they did to me." and I totally get that because I have screamed those words a thousand times, and even now fight screaming them as I forgive one person in my life sometimes several times a day. There are people who don't understand how deep the pain runs, because they don't understand the whole experience, but it doesn't matter. Forgiveness, to truly forgive someone for a deep hurt is between two people only. You and God. If the party who hurt wants to be a part of that circle, great, but often they don't.
I have on many occasions shared raw honesty with God. "It hurts." or "I don't want to forgive them" or even "I want revenge." It helps get past the feelings and focus on the forgiveness. Sometimes I feel so small when I talk to Him about my pain, but it's part of working through it. I think the worst is when they don't even see that they have done anything wrong. They may even consider themselves totally innocent and somehow blame you for what happened. That's painful. When somebody has hurt you so deeply and they say, "I have done nothing wrong - this is all your fault." You cry out to God in the middle of the night when you can't sleep and you feel like nobody understands. Then you remember Him hanging there. They all thought He was guilty, deserved it, they were not to blame, it was His fault. And He whispers, "Forgive them, they don't know what they are doing."
He gave them free will to hurt us. He gives us free will to forgive them. It seems a little unbalanced to forgive someone who is not sorry for their actions, but then again it seems a little unbalanced to not forgive somebody for one or two things they did, when Jesus forgave us for every little thing we even thought about doing.
The day that Jesus was crushed for our sins, He revealed the meaning of true justice. Justice was no longer found in revenge, but in forgiveness. - Supernatural Power of Forgiveness
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Compromise? An open door?
"Healing only comes to that which is broken" - Spoken to me by the Holy Spirit this morning in prayer.
True brokenness, complete submission is the only way to Christ. There is a spirit coming against the Church in these last days, actually there are a few. (The capital "C" church meaning the whole body of Christ.) This spirit is mentioned in Revelations. There is more than one spirit coming against God's people, the Church, and He is speaking to me about these spirits. There are two I will talk about here, that when they come together they are powerful and we have to be aware. These two intertwined with the spirit of familiarity are deadly.
The world is run by theses spirits. The first is a spirit of control. We are taught in the world that if we want to run a company, or anything for that matter, we have to learn how to control. We will need to control others and their thinking. When speaking of the Holocaust, Andy Andrews wrote, "How do you kill a million people? You lie to them." The seeds of this spirit are manipulation, greed, idol worship (self) and of course deception. The more that you control in this world, the more you are recognized and admired (in the world). You can become your own false God and a false God to others. Everyone of us are influenced by this spirit of control. It is a battle we fight daily to let go and let God. It is to the degree that we let this spirit control us, that affects the degree of intimacy/relationship we have with Christ. To be closer to Him we must be submissive to Him. The more submissive, the more obedient to Him the closer we are to Him. This is why the spirit of control is attacking each of us. We want control over our lives, our children, our friendships, etc. This spirit battles against everyone of us, male or female, though it is a Jezebel spirit. For it to operate, it needs an Ahab spirit. What better people for it to attack than submissive believers.
One of the signs that an individual or church is under the influence of the Jezebel spirit is compromise. They might say sin is sin, but the bible says there are sins God hates, like divorce. The individual or church who compromises and lives according to the right and wrong of the world could be under the influence of the Jezebel spirit. God wants His people to faithful and not hide under the umbrella of grace. Repentance is also something the Jezebel infested church does not practice. Sin is allowed in the congregation, leadership, and even the pastor. God wants us willing to change, to be like Him and we cannot do that without repentance. You don't hear repentance or Godly correction of sin preached in a church under Jezebel's influence. Those that are corrected are the individuals who are not afraid to speak up against this spirit. In The spirit's leadership role, no matter how indiscreet it is, those willing to expose are quickly "Disciplined" right out the door of the church.
The other spirit coming against us is a spirit of judgment. Often times those with true spiritual gifts of discernment are accused of judgment while the person under Jezebel's spirit pretends to have the gift of seeing demonic. Some of us are so programmed to judge others that we don't even recognize it in ourselves. We use many excuses for the need to judge, but when we make decisions through our judgment of others, we are making decisions from our flesh, not our spirit. What if we only listened to the Holy Spirit and trusted His decision and not our own. I don't think any of us will be completely free of judgment as long as we reside in this world. But judgment does not belong in the Church, only God shall be our judge. This spirit is a spirit of religion. Religion is man made rules followed by judgment of how well they were followed.
These two spirits combined with the spirit of familiarity are doing damage to the Church. They are dividing the Church body that God has called to be one in the spirit.
True brokenness, complete submission is the only way to Christ. There is a spirit coming against the Church in these last days, actually there are a few. (The capital "C" church meaning the whole body of Christ.) This spirit is mentioned in Revelations. There is more than one spirit coming against God's people, the Church, and He is speaking to me about these spirits. There are two I will talk about here, that when they come together they are powerful and we have to be aware. These two intertwined with the spirit of familiarity are deadly.
The world is run by theses spirits. The first is a spirit of control. We are taught in the world that if we want to run a company, or anything for that matter, we have to learn how to control. We will need to control others and their thinking. When speaking of the Holocaust, Andy Andrews wrote, "How do you kill a million people? You lie to them." The seeds of this spirit are manipulation, greed, idol worship (self) and of course deception. The more that you control in this world, the more you are recognized and admired (in the world). You can become your own false God and a false God to others. Everyone of us are influenced by this spirit of control. It is a battle we fight daily to let go and let God. It is to the degree that we let this spirit control us, that affects the degree of intimacy/relationship we have with Christ. To be closer to Him we must be submissive to Him. The more submissive, the more obedient to Him the closer we are to Him. This is why the spirit of control is attacking each of us. We want control over our lives, our children, our friendships, etc. This spirit battles against everyone of us, male or female, though it is a Jezebel spirit. For it to operate, it needs an Ahab spirit. What better people for it to attack than submissive believers.
One of the signs that an individual or church is under the influence of the Jezebel spirit is compromise. They might say sin is sin, but the bible says there are sins God hates, like divorce. The individual or church who compromises and lives according to the right and wrong of the world could be under the influence of the Jezebel spirit. God wants His people to faithful and not hide under the umbrella of grace. Repentance is also something the Jezebel infested church does not practice. Sin is allowed in the congregation, leadership, and even the pastor. God wants us willing to change, to be like Him and we cannot do that without repentance. You don't hear repentance or Godly correction of sin preached in a church under Jezebel's influence. Those that are corrected are the individuals who are not afraid to speak up against this spirit. In The spirit's leadership role, no matter how indiscreet it is, those willing to expose are quickly "Disciplined" right out the door of the church.
The other spirit coming against us is a spirit of judgment. Often times those with true spiritual gifts of discernment are accused of judgment while the person under Jezebel's spirit pretends to have the gift of seeing demonic. Some of us are so programmed to judge others that we don't even recognize it in ourselves. We use many excuses for the need to judge, but when we make decisions through our judgment of others, we are making decisions from our flesh, not our spirit. What if we only listened to the Holy Spirit and trusted His decision and not our own. I don't think any of us will be completely free of judgment as long as we reside in this world. But judgment does not belong in the Church, only God shall be our judge. This spirit is a spirit of religion. Religion is man made rules followed by judgment of how well they were followed.
These two spirits combined with the spirit of familiarity are doing damage to the Church. They are dividing the Church body that God has called to be one in the spirit.
Ephesians 4:1-16
1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. 7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. 8 Therefore it says,
9 (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth?[b] 10 He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.) 11 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds[c] and teachers,[d] 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,[e] to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Humility, gentleness, patience, and love are not characteristics of someone consumed by control and judgment. A seed of the spirit of judgment is division. Divide and conquer. Right now I am constantly hearing about division among believers. If you think about it and examine the relationships around you, you will see it too. Marriages are breaking up, friendships are splitting, leadership is struggling, women are divided as well as men. Beliefs are what divide us. Theology can and has divided the Church. This is where denominations were born. Spiritual gifts in the Church cause division.
Why would things of God cause division? They don't. It is our belief system and our desire for control and our judgment of others that causes the division, though it uses the things of God to do it. Another seed of judgment is jealousy. Pastors and others called to leadership are most often attacked because of jealousy, judgment and the desire for control. Those who want to be in control aren't submissive to authority, because they want it. So they judge.
We all should have a healthy fear of false prophets and teachers. I said a healthy fear, which to me isn't fear at all, it's a dependence on God to keep us aware. In what I have been reading, false prophets and teachers are most often true Christ following believers who have been wounded or still suffer from unhealed wounds of their pasts. Because of those wounds and the spirits against these people they are looking for validation, admiration, purpose and love and they want the Glory that belongs to Christ alone. They want people to glorify them instead of our Father. They want to feel good about who they are and because of their wounds they have not realized who they are in Christ so they settle for a false validation that they are somebody of importance and value. Everybody wants to be a hero. The enemy is an imitator and many insecure leaders act more like celebrities than humble spirit filled leaders.
We all should have a healthy fear of false prophets and teachers. I said a healthy fear, which to me isn't fear at all, it's a dependence on God to keep us aware. In what I have been reading, false prophets and teachers are most often true Christ following believers who have been wounded or still suffer from unhealed wounds of their pasts. Because of those wounds and the spirits against these people they are looking for validation, admiration, purpose and love and they want the Glory that belongs to Christ alone. They want people to glorify them instead of our Father. They want to feel good about who they are and because of their wounds they have not realized who they are in Christ so they settle for a false validation that they are somebody of importance and value. Everybody wants to be a hero. The enemy is an imitator and many insecure leaders act more like celebrities than humble spirit filled leaders.
The spirits of control and judgment can even convince a group of believers to think they know better than their leaders. For instance, we may believe that a teacher, obviously gifted in hearing the voice of God, should be a prophet, so instead of trusting that he is hearing from God about his ministry, our little group begins to pray that this person changes roles. If this is not God's will and we are praying against it, we are causing division. We are setting ourselves apart and above others in the Church. We are trying to control and get what we want, thinking we know better than God? Or the man who is truly hearing Him? This is witchcraft.
If during the Goliath problem, God would have come to the earth and taken a poll to find out who the people chose to come up against Goliath in battle, do you think it would have turned out so good? Admittedly we would have all picked the larger, more experienced warrior brother, instead of little David. I believe these stories are proof that God is all knowing and His ways are not our ways. We have earthly thinking - the big guy for the big battle. We have earthly solutions for earthly problems.
When the disciples asked Jesus how to pray, He said,
Matthew 6:9-13
New International Version (NIV)
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
The tongue has the power of life and death. Words are powerful, prayer is powerful and the Lord tells us to pray His will be done. Now God doesn't answer all prayers and I am deeply thankful for that, but what does happen when a group of us pray for something outside of His will? I really don't want to find out. We should pray for our leaders, preachers, apostles and prophets, but be careful not to pray for them, that which we want to see, but what God's will is for them. I have become more careful how I pray. Usually an increase in hunger for the Lord and His word, for an abundance of courage to step into His will, and for the ability to hear Him, a deeper relationship, and the things the bible says God wants with His kids. I was praying protection around my kids one morning when I heard God speak to me, that I was protecting them from Him. I began to pray for them to be released into His will and for strength for me to handle wherever He took them and not interfere. I strongly believe that we need to be careful what we ask for, because we just might get it. I spend a lot of time praying for people's ability to hear God. I don't know His will for others and I surely don't want to be a roadblock to anything God has planned for me or others. There is no way we can understand the journey God has chosen for an individual. Can we even understand completely the journey He has us on?
This prayer also says, "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" which to me means, heavenly answers to earthly issues. Proverbs 18:1 says, "Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desires, he breaks out against all sound judgment." I see this in groups of people in the Church. They are in every church in every city. A small group of men or women who get together regularly and talk about everything that is wrong in their church. (Even after they have removed themselves from that church) They may not pray together, they may not share scripture or they quote it out of context, but mostly what they do is judge and then try to control, sometimes by prayer and sometimes by talking others into joining them. I trust God to choose my friends. Sometimes God will take me out of the life of a true believer on fire for God, and I can't see the reason clearly. I believe it is always for growth, mine, theirs, or both. Maybe we were holding each other back and didn't realize it. Maybe we were holding each other up instead of allowing God to lift us. I don't know all the answers so I depend on Him to direct my walk, to draw out my path and to choose the people I meet. I have noticed the majority of the people he puts in my life, either support me, or test me.
Isolation is a tool of the enemy. I isolated for a long time. If the friends you surround yourself with stay close enough to you, you cannot be swayed or fall down. We can't compromise. Compromise is an open door to the enemy. If the Lord says to stay away from someone, something or some place, trust Him. It may not have anything to do with you and you may never know for sure what it was about.
At a time when the enemy's attack is so strong, I pray a willingness to submit replaces any desire to control. I pray for any judgment to be replaced with discernment. Our weaknesses are where we minister from and our strengths are what destroy our willingness to give it all to God. Anything not submitted to God is available to the enemy for his use. I saw three people delivered from bondage this last week and I realized that each of them had the root of rejection. Fear of being rejected causes a need to control. When you have been raised in survival mode, you are forced to judge those around you, to decide whether they are friend or foe. Rejection and abandonment are at an epidemic level in this country and the enemy is using this every chance he gets. This was part of his plan when the original rejection took place. The enemy orchestrated it. Remember this, the enemy was the first one to reject, when he rejected God and refused to worship Him, when He decided he wanted the Glory and praise that only God deserves. When we want control, we want the praise and glory and we judge, we are following in the footsteps of the prince of darkness. God on the other hand says, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." He doesn't reject us.
In these days unity is so important for the whole body of Christ, not only the like minded. Where would the enemy be if 1/3 of the angels had not followed him? He is not like God in that he cannot be everywhere. These angels, we now call demons, do the dirty work. That's how the enemy causes division. Once he gets a firm hold on someone with the spirit of control or judgment, he then works on followers. This is why it is so important for us to take responsibility for what we listen to. The Lord has been working with me lately on this. I have had to speak up and say, "I don't want to hear this." This is difficult for me, and I have failed more times than I have succeeded. But the Lord is changing me. Listening to certain music or watching TV we think isn't affecting us can be a form of compromise. Ask God to shine his light on all the areas you need change.
Secrets. We are only as sick as our secrets. Control and judgment are sneaky spirits that hide behind concern and protection. How many times have we been approached by someone who whispers another's downfalls in the pretense of wanting prayer for that person. How many times have we requested prayer for a friend just so we can share the story of what is going on in their life? I am guilty. I have fallen into this trap. Secrets are a dangerous game. They feed on insecurities. How many of us have been uncomfortable when two people in the room begin to whisper to each other? Yet, we turn around and do the same thing. This is a powerful weapon of the enemy to cause division, especially when the secret is exposed. Any area that we use to put ourselves above others causes division. This can be intelligence, physical beauty, spiritual gifts, biblical knowledge, even years of belonging to the same church, leadership, and wealth. We should be using our blessings to bless each other.
Controlling another human being through any means is abuse. We are called to lead people to Christ. The bible uses the example of sheep because they follow the shepherd, not cows who need to be herded. We want to make sure we are following a shepherd heading in the right direction.
Judging is a sin and through it we put ourselves in the position of God. Notice in a courtroom the judge sits higher than everyone else. There is only one judge.
When we walk into a church we are all looking for acceptance and freedom, two things that come through Christ's love for us. It makes sense then that the enemy would come at the Church with control and judgment, two things that come through the enemy's hate for us. It's a choice. We reap what we sow. In the end, we will all be judged.
In these days unity is so important for the whole body of Christ, not only the like minded. Where would the enemy be if 1/3 of the angels had not followed him? He is not like God in that he cannot be everywhere. These angels, we now call demons, do the dirty work. That's how the enemy causes division. Once he gets a firm hold on someone with the spirit of control or judgment, he then works on followers. This is why it is so important for us to take responsibility for what we listen to. The Lord has been working with me lately on this. I have had to speak up and say, "I don't want to hear this." This is difficult for me, and I have failed more times than I have succeeded. But the Lord is changing me. Listening to certain music or watching TV we think isn't affecting us can be a form of compromise. Ask God to shine his light on all the areas you need change.
Secrets. We are only as sick as our secrets. Control and judgment are sneaky spirits that hide behind concern and protection. How many times have we been approached by someone who whispers another's downfalls in the pretense of wanting prayer for that person. How many times have we requested prayer for a friend just so we can share the story of what is going on in their life? I am guilty. I have fallen into this trap. Secrets are a dangerous game. They feed on insecurities. How many of us have been uncomfortable when two people in the room begin to whisper to each other? Yet, we turn around and do the same thing. This is a powerful weapon of the enemy to cause division, especially when the secret is exposed. Any area that we use to put ourselves above others causes division. This can be intelligence, physical beauty, spiritual gifts, biblical knowledge, even years of belonging to the same church, leadership, and wealth. We should be using our blessings to bless each other.
Controlling another human being through any means is abuse. We are called to lead people to Christ. The bible uses the example of sheep because they follow the shepherd, not cows who need to be herded. We want to make sure we are following a shepherd heading in the right direction.
Judging is a sin and through it we put ourselves in the position of God. Notice in a courtroom the judge sits higher than everyone else. There is only one judge.
When we walk into a church we are all looking for acceptance and freedom, two things that come through Christ's love for us. It makes sense then that the enemy would come at the Church with control and judgment, two things that come through the enemy's hate for us. It's a choice. We reap what we sow. In the end, we will all be judged.
Proverbs 18
English Standard Version (ESV)
18 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.
3 When wickedness comes, contempt comes also,
and with dishonor comes disgrace.
4 The words of a man's mouth are deep waters;
the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.
5 It is not good to be partial to[a] the wicked
or to deprive the righteous of justice.
6 A fool's lips walk into a fight,
and his mouth invites a beating.
7 A fool's mouth is his ruin,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.
8 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.
9 Whoever is slack in his work
is a brother to him who destroys.
10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
11 A rich man's wealth is his strong city,
and like a high wall in his imagination.
12 Before destruction a man's heart is haughty,
but humility comes before honor.
13 If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame.
14 A man's spirit will endure sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
15 An intelligent heart acquires knowledge,
and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.
16 A man's gift makes room for him
and brings him before the great.
17 The one who states his case first seems right,
until the other comes and examines him.
18 The lot puts an end to quarrels
and decides between powerful contenders.
19 A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city,
and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
20 From the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach is satisfied;
he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord.
23 The poor use entreaties,
but the rich answer roughly.
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.
3 When wickedness comes, contempt comes also,
and with dishonor comes disgrace.
4 The words of a man's mouth are deep waters;
the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.
5 It is not good to be partial to[a] the wicked
or to deprive the righteous of justice.
6 A fool's lips walk into a fight,
and his mouth invites a beating.
7 A fool's mouth is his ruin,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.
8 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels;
they go down into the inner parts of the body.
9 Whoever is slack in his work
is a brother to him who destroys.
10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower;
the righteous man runs into it and is safe.
11 A rich man's wealth is his strong city,
and like a high wall in his imagination.
12 Before destruction a man's heart is haughty,
but humility comes before honor.
13 If one gives an answer before he hears,
it is his folly and shame.
14 A man's spirit will endure sickness,
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
15 An intelligent heart acquires knowledge,
and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.
16 A man's gift makes room for him
and brings him before the great.
17 The one who states his case first seems right,
until the other comes and examines him.
18 The lot puts an end to quarrels
and decides between powerful contenders.
19 A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city,
and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
20 From the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach is satisfied;
he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favor from the Lord.
23 The poor use entreaties,
but the rich answer roughly.
24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Pride vs. Holy Spirit
“I want to live so that I am truly submitted to the Spirit's leading on a daily basis. Christ said its better for us that the Spirit came and I want to live like that is true. I don't want to keep crawling when I have the ability to fly.”
― Francis Chan, Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit
There is a time when we are young adults that we realize all adults aren't grown up. It's kind of a shocker when you see people you thought were mature have immature arguments. As a child you look up to these people and then you step into that confusing time when you see that some of your mother's friends are having the same arguments and backstabbing that you and your high school friends are having. When your dad and his buddies are still looking at women as though they were still a bunch of high school boys allowing lust to control them. I remember going through a bit of depression when I saw that just because people were adults, they weren't necessarily grown up. Then comes the painful process of examining yourself. What areas am I still behind in my growth? We can be mature about some things and just plain stupid about other things. Then we turn our lives over to Christ and go through the same disappointment in learning that not all Christians are mature believers.
The areas that seem to be the most difficult to mature in are those areas with childhood wounds, those areas that were never completely healed. If we look closely these are the areas we only pretend to turn over to God for complete restoration, but in reality we are still trying to "control" them ourselves. As long as they have not been turned over to God they remain sensitive areas that are too easy for the devil to stick his long nailed finger into and we pay the price again and again. We become so busy putting band-aids on the wounds instead of exposing them to the light and Godly air to be healed, scabbed, and protected by a scar. Covering up a shortcoming does not allow it to heal. There have been stories in the news bout children locked in cages and fed just enough food to keep them alive and it stunts their growth. It's basically the same thing. Kept in the dark, things don't grow and heal, but exposed to His light and given the proper healing is the only way to mature.
The enemy in this day is using those things against us to keep us locked in our own prisons and blinds us to the ways he is controlling our lives. First things first, we need the Holy Spirit to guide us minute by minute. This doesn't mean He has to tell us "right foot, left foot, right foot", but it does mean as we are moving throughout our day, we need to be tuned into direction from Him. For instance, "turn left" could keep us from an accident. "Stop" could keep us from saying the wrong thing. God has a path for our lives and we have to listen to Him to stay on that path. As far off the path we go is as how far we have to go to get back on.
I went through a really tough time seeing people who say they are followers of Christ do things that were not Christ like. We all do this to a degree, but I am talking about on a much deeper level. It was heart crushing to see people who claim to live for Christ constantly and continually hurting people, going off in their own direction and having their own agenda instead of God's. It was something I had to go through to see who I want to be. We all fail at times, but some of this depends on the percentage of our lives we truly give to Christ. Maybe we hold back our kids, our finances, or our marriage. Maybe we follow Him in everything, but live with our significant other. Maybe we drink a little too much at times or like to check out the opposite sex in church while sitting next to our spouse. There are different reasons we don't totally give our lives to God. Maybe shame keeps us from talking to Him about an area of sin. Maybe we have failed so many times in an area we feel He refuses to help us in that area. Maybe we enjoy that little sin too much to let it go.
I think one of the reasons many churches today claim the Holy Spirit's presence, but don't really allow Him through the door, is exposure. We know in our hearts that God sees everything, but if we admit He is supernatural and the gifts of the Spirit exist, that person sitting next to us just might see into our hearts or into our lives and know we are not who we pretend to be. We want to keep it between us and God. But if the guy next to us is in communication with the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is exposing our sin to him so he can pray for us, we fear our secret is out. Denying the Holy Spirit will not cure this problem.
People who see the demonic will see the demons we choose to keep around. People who have the gift of healing can see our brokenness and our smile is not hiding anything. I wasn't sure I believed in this, but I have seen it happen too many times to deny it. On more than one occasion God has allowed me to feel what another person is feeling. I will be overwhelmed with sadness, when a minute ago, I was in a great mood. I have to wonder if some people diagnosed bi-polar don't have this gift. Maybe it is not their own feelings they are facing. I have been overcome with temptation and then had the Holy Spirit point out to me who the temptation really belongs to. It's hard to hide our secrets in a church filled with the Holy Spirit.
A church full of pride has no room for the Holy Spirit. A church that is led through human wisdom cannot wait upon the Lord to do things His way. Signs of pride in church leadership are decisions made to benefit the leaders, instead of the body as a whole, a leader who cannot admit wrong, and/or an absence of repentance. Pride and repentance are not found in the same man or the same church. We hear so much about grace and love and repentance is thrown out of the church window, because if the leaders expect it from their staff and their congregation, they might be called to practice it themselves.
Pride is like a mask worn to hide God's vision. Pride makes it impossible to see our own faults, our own shortcomings and God's true will. We think we are hearing from the Holy Spirit, but when wearing our garments of pride instead of praise, when shielding ourselves from God's will instead of wearing our armor to protect us from the enemy, it is our own flesh and the whispers of the enemy we hear. Pride is a bubble protecting us from God, His grace, His forgiveness.
“Will God ever ask you to do something you are not able to do? The answer is yes--all the time! It must be that way, for God's glory and kingdom. If we function according to our ability alone, we get the glory; if we function according to the power of the Spirit within us, God gets the glory. He wants to reveal Himself to a watching world.”
― Henry T. Blackaby, Experiencing the Spirit: The Power of Pentecost Every Day
― Francis Chan, Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit
There is a time when we are young adults that we realize all adults aren't grown up. It's kind of a shocker when you see people you thought were mature have immature arguments. As a child you look up to these people and then you step into that confusing time when you see that some of your mother's friends are having the same arguments and backstabbing that you and your high school friends are having. When your dad and his buddies are still looking at women as though they were still a bunch of high school boys allowing lust to control them. I remember going through a bit of depression when I saw that just because people were adults, they weren't necessarily grown up. Then comes the painful process of examining yourself. What areas am I still behind in my growth? We can be mature about some things and just plain stupid about other things. Then we turn our lives over to Christ and go through the same disappointment in learning that not all Christians are mature believers.
The areas that seem to be the most difficult to mature in are those areas with childhood wounds, those areas that were never completely healed. If we look closely these are the areas we only pretend to turn over to God for complete restoration, but in reality we are still trying to "control" them ourselves. As long as they have not been turned over to God they remain sensitive areas that are too easy for the devil to stick his long nailed finger into and we pay the price again and again. We become so busy putting band-aids on the wounds instead of exposing them to the light and Godly air to be healed, scabbed, and protected by a scar. Covering up a shortcoming does not allow it to heal. There have been stories in the news bout children locked in cages and fed just enough food to keep them alive and it stunts their growth. It's basically the same thing. Kept in the dark, things don't grow and heal, but exposed to His light and given the proper healing is the only way to mature.
The enemy in this day is using those things against us to keep us locked in our own prisons and blinds us to the ways he is controlling our lives. First things first, we need the Holy Spirit to guide us minute by minute. This doesn't mean He has to tell us "right foot, left foot, right foot", but it does mean as we are moving throughout our day, we need to be tuned into direction from Him. For instance, "turn left" could keep us from an accident. "Stop" could keep us from saying the wrong thing. God has a path for our lives and we have to listen to Him to stay on that path. As far off the path we go is as how far we have to go to get back on.
I went through a really tough time seeing people who say they are followers of Christ do things that were not Christ like. We all do this to a degree, but I am talking about on a much deeper level. It was heart crushing to see people who claim to live for Christ constantly and continually hurting people, going off in their own direction and having their own agenda instead of God's. It was something I had to go through to see who I want to be. We all fail at times, but some of this depends on the percentage of our lives we truly give to Christ. Maybe we hold back our kids, our finances, or our marriage. Maybe we follow Him in everything, but live with our significant other. Maybe we drink a little too much at times or like to check out the opposite sex in church while sitting next to our spouse. There are different reasons we don't totally give our lives to God. Maybe shame keeps us from talking to Him about an area of sin. Maybe we have failed so many times in an area we feel He refuses to help us in that area. Maybe we enjoy that little sin too much to let it go.
I think one of the reasons many churches today claim the Holy Spirit's presence, but don't really allow Him through the door, is exposure. We know in our hearts that God sees everything, but if we admit He is supernatural and the gifts of the Spirit exist, that person sitting next to us just might see into our hearts or into our lives and know we are not who we pretend to be. We want to keep it between us and God. But if the guy next to us is in communication with the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is exposing our sin to him so he can pray for us, we fear our secret is out. Denying the Holy Spirit will not cure this problem.
People who see the demonic will see the demons we choose to keep around. People who have the gift of healing can see our brokenness and our smile is not hiding anything. I wasn't sure I believed in this, but I have seen it happen too many times to deny it. On more than one occasion God has allowed me to feel what another person is feeling. I will be overwhelmed with sadness, when a minute ago, I was in a great mood. I have to wonder if some people diagnosed bi-polar don't have this gift. Maybe it is not their own feelings they are facing. I have been overcome with temptation and then had the Holy Spirit point out to me who the temptation really belongs to. It's hard to hide our secrets in a church filled with the Holy Spirit.
A church full of pride has no room for the Holy Spirit. A church that is led through human wisdom cannot wait upon the Lord to do things His way. Signs of pride in church leadership are decisions made to benefit the leaders, instead of the body as a whole, a leader who cannot admit wrong, and/or an absence of repentance. Pride and repentance are not found in the same man or the same church. We hear so much about grace and love and repentance is thrown out of the church window, because if the leaders expect it from their staff and their congregation, they might be called to practice it themselves.
Pride is like a mask worn to hide God's vision. Pride makes it impossible to see our own faults, our own shortcomings and God's true will. We think we are hearing from the Holy Spirit, but when wearing our garments of pride instead of praise, when shielding ourselves from God's will instead of wearing our armor to protect us from the enemy, it is our own flesh and the whispers of the enemy we hear. Pride is a bubble protecting us from God, His grace, His forgiveness.
“Will God ever ask you to do something you are not able to do? The answer is yes--all the time! It must be that way, for God's glory and kingdom. If we function according to our ability alone, we get the glory; if we function according to the power of the Spirit within us, God gets the glory. He wants to reveal Himself to a watching world.”
― Henry T. Blackaby, Experiencing the Spirit: The Power of Pentecost Every Day
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