“Many Christians... find themselves defeated by the most psychological weapon that Satan uses against them. This weapon has the effectiveness of a deadly missile. Its name? Low self-esteem. Satan's greatest psychological weapon is a gut level feeling of inferiority, inadequacy, and low self-worth This feeling shackles many Christians, in spite of wonderful spiritual experiences and knowledge of God's Word. Although they understand their position as sons and daughters of God, they are tied up in knots, bound by a terrible feeling inferiority, and chained to a deep sense of worthlessness.”
― David A. Seamands, Healing For Damaged Emotions
This is one of those times I wish I knew the Bible better than I do. I was listening to a teaching this morning and something really stood out to me. Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood. Doesn't the bible say the old man is dead and we are given new life. Isn't this what water baptism represents? The spirit in us takes over.
This is one of those times I can say "I don't get it." It says right there that our struggle is not against flesh. Why do people say we struggle against the devil, flesh and the world? The old man is dead. We struggle against the old lies the enemy whispers to us that lead us to believe the old man is still alive and kicking.
So, if we go back to Adam and Eve, you could say they struggled against their flesh when they wanted the knowledge of good and evil, but the Bible doesn't say they struggled against their lust for power until the enemy convinced them they wanted it. Right? We can talk a kid into wanting to help us clean up toys when they are little. Maybe the enemy has it too easy because we keep those four fingers pointing back at ourselves? When we try to beat him in our flesh we fail, but when we allow our spirit to join with the Holy Spirit, fight is over.
Just sayin'. I have been trying to finish my book and I couldn't get those last six pages written. My flesh wanted it done, so I can't say that was where the fight was. It was those old lies that stopped me, like "Who wants to read this?" and "Then what will you do?" or "What if you fail? What if you succeed?" Sounds like the enemy to me, because he doesn't want it finished, but I do. (And I did) How about smoking. I have been trying to quit for some time now. I don't want to smoke. It stinks, it doesn't make me feel good and I don't even enjoy it anymore. My flesh hates it, but the enemy loves it when I smoke. Have you ever heard a hacking, coughing person say I want a cigarette? I do that. I don't even really want one. Is it habit or the enemy. It's not my flesh.
Maybe I'm not seeing this clearly, but it is making sense to me. Maybe it's just my flesh, denying it's my flesh.
Ephesians 6:12 New International Version (NIV)
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Pants on Fire?
“I was only able to get over my past when I decided I was going to! As I’ve discovered, that’s how everything starts. I decided to get out of bed this morning. I decided to get ready for work (D’oh! Another early morning). Everything I did today was because I made a decision. Although we can’t set ourselves free, getting up and making a decision to move on from our past is a step in the right direction. We can’t do God’s part, and He won’t do our part. He can’t make that decision for you, because only you can. But once you have made that decision, He can help you with the rest.”
― Corallie Buchanan, Watch Out! Godly Women on the Loose
I am at a fork in the road. Actually I feel like every part of my life is forked right now. I have several decisions in front of me. What's really funny is that as I wrote that, I remembered a word of prophesy spoken over me a couple months ago. The man said, "You will be coming to a place where you will have to make many decisions." Then he proceeded to tell me the answer to my question was "Yes". He didn't know what that meant and asked me if I did. Not wanting to waste his time, I said I did. Well, I thought I would realize it later. I have an idea or two, but I'm still not sure what the question was. I figure out a lot of stuff when I'm writing, maybe it will come to me.
It's funny how God brings up a subject and we know immediately it is Him. I had that happen this morning when I read my daily email from David Jeremiah "Turning Point". The subject - lying. I knew this was something He wanted to talk about because I have recently had to deal with a friend who I have caught lying. This friend is someone I really trusted and to be honest, it's really broken me. I was a liar for many years and maybe that is why God is bringing this up to me now. I was married to a man who told the truth no matter how it made me feel. For instance, "You are attractive, but I have dated more attractive women." Yep, he said that days after I married him. I could have went a lifetime without hearing that. I mean duh, there is always someone more attractive, but do we want to hear about it? So, another fork. I have gone from being a liar in my past to being painfully honest. Is there a middle road? Is it okay to tell white lies for the sake of an other's feelings? I myself would rather hear the truth than have my feelings saved, even if it hurts.
David Jeremiah says, "We need to be sensitive to the fact that when someone claims to have all the answers, perhaps they are simply exalting themselves and misrepresenting there true motives, as the antichrist will do when he comes. Let's be as wise as serpents, asking God for wisdom to weigh the words of others. Don't believe everything you hear, and don't believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God. (1 John 4:1)"
I go from one extreme to the other. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he doesn't remember. Maybe he's not thinking clearly right now. Or maybe he is not who I thought he was. Maybe I should not have confided in him at all. Now he knows so much about me and what will he do with it. If someone will tell a white lie, will they tell a big one? Can liars keep secrets? Wow, that's another thing, he has secrets. It is totally by accident that I even know I have been lied to and secrets have been kept. Accident? Or is God trying to show me something? Is the enemy playing this up?
I know people exaggerate. I know people can see a situation differently than we do. But when you are consistently shown inconsistencies, I think it's time to make a decision. When we are lied to we ask ourselves a lot of questions, like how long? Has this been going on the whole time? How big? Why?
I think in these days we have to be very careful. We cannot trust someone because they have a title. We can't trust someone because others do. We can't trust somebody because they have a big following. Seriously, the antichrist will have a big following. There are a few people that I know in my heart God has told me to stay away from. I'm not saying these people are bad, but maybe they are misled and I will be swayed. Maybe I am not strong enough in my beliefs yet and God is protecting me from being sidetracked. We have to trust the Lord, in fact He is the only one we can truly, 100% trust.
I realize we are all trying to learn and grow... or are we. This is how I determine who I want in my life. I want people who want to grow, who want to learn more about the Lord, who hunger for more. People who say they have learning to do, but aren't reaching out to do it, scare me. We all have times of rest and seasons where He may not be teaching us great lessons, but we stay in the word and try to learn.
So at this point, I have decided to stick with the truth, no matter how painful. Don't ask me a question you don't want the answer to. The friendship, well... I think that's pretty much over, especially because he won't talk to me about it. - there's your sign. He does want to talk about my issues though - another sign. I think I will be writing this one off and in the future, I will be a lot more careful who I choose to trust. To say it was a little white lie is equal to an adulterer who says, "It was only oral."
“We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.”
― Ken Levine
― Corallie Buchanan, Watch Out! Godly Women on the Loose
I am at a fork in the road. Actually I feel like every part of my life is forked right now. I have several decisions in front of me. What's really funny is that as I wrote that, I remembered a word of prophesy spoken over me a couple months ago. The man said, "You will be coming to a place where you will have to make many decisions." Then he proceeded to tell me the answer to my question was "Yes". He didn't know what that meant and asked me if I did. Not wanting to waste his time, I said I did. Well, I thought I would realize it later. I have an idea or two, but I'm still not sure what the question was. I figure out a lot of stuff when I'm writing, maybe it will come to me.
It's funny how God brings up a subject and we know immediately it is Him. I had that happen this morning when I read my daily email from David Jeremiah "Turning Point". The subject - lying. I knew this was something He wanted to talk about because I have recently had to deal with a friend who I have caught lying. This friend is someone I really trusted and to be honest, it's really broken me. I was a liar for many years and maybe that is why God is bringing this up to me now. I was married to a man who told the truth no matter how it made me feel. For instance, "You are attractive, but I have dated more attractive women." Yep, he said that days after I married him. I could have went a lifetime without hearing that. I mean duh, there is always someone more attractive, but do we want to hear about it? So, another fork. I have gone from being a liar in my past to being painfully honest. Is there a middle road? Is it okay to tell white lies for the sake of an other's feelings? I myself would rather hear the truth than have my feelings saved, even if it hurts.
David Jeremiah says, "We need to be sensitive to the fact that when someone claims to have all the answers, perhaps they are simply exalting themselves and misrepresenting there true motives, as the antichrist will do when he comes. Let's be as wise as serpents, asking God for wisdom to weigh the words of others. Don't believe everything you hear, and don't believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God. (1 John 4:1)"
I go from one extreme to the other. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he doesn't remember. Maybe he's not thinking clearly right now. Or maybe he is not who I thought he was. Maybe I should not have confided in him at all. Now he knows so much about me and what will he do with it. If someone will tell a white lie, will they tell a big one? Can liars keep secrets? Wow, that's another thing, he has secrets. It is totally by accident that I even know I have been lied to and secrets have been kept. Accident? Or is God trying to show me something? Is the enemy playing this up?
I know people exaggerate. I know people can see a situation differently than we do. But when you are consistently shown inconsistencies, I think it's time to make a decision. When we are lied to we ask ourselves a lot of questions, like how long? Has this been going on the whole time? How big? Why?
I think in these days we have to be very careful. We cannot trust someone because they have a title. We can't trust someone because others do. We can't trust somebody because they have a big following. Seriously, the antichrist will have a big following. There are a few people that I know in my heart God has told me to stay away from. I'm not saying these people are bad, but maybe they are misled and I will be swayed. Maybe I am not strong enough in my beliefs yet and God is protecting me from being sidetracked. We have to trust the Lord, in fact He is the only one we can truly, 100% trust.
I realize we are all trying to learn and grow... or are we. This is how I determine who I want in my life. I want people who want to grow, who want to learn more about the Lord, who hunger for more. People who say they have learning to do, but aren't reaching out to do it, scare me. We all have times of rest and seasons where He may not be teaching us great lessons, but we stay in the word and try to learn.
So at this point, I have decided to stick with the truth, no matter how painful. Don't ask me a question you don't want the answer to. The friendship, well... I think that's pretty much over, especially because he won't talk to me about it. - there's your sign. He does want to talk about my issues though - another sign. I think I will be writing this one off and in the future, I will be a lot more careful who I choose to trust. To say it was a little white lie is equal to an adulterer who says, "It was only oral."
“We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us.”
― Ken Levine
Tragedy or Life?
“All the events of your past have formed a lens, or paradigm, through which you see the world. And since no one's past is exactly like anyone else's, no two people see alike.”
― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
Sometimes in life we are put into situations with others that point out our differences. Sometimes it feels like my differences flash like a neon sign in a dark room and they are so different that I keep my mouth closed, because I don't understand others and don't want to be offensive. But, now I have this blog so I can talk about those differences. This may seem really strange to some, but it's been speaking loudly to me. Lately God is telling me that I am different for a reason, His reason. Some of the things that make me different, he doesn't want me to change. I'm pretty sure there is a reason for this difference and I'm pretty sure, He wants me this way. I have no idea though how He will use this.
In the county where I live, on the main highway connecting our corner of the world with the rest of the world, a bridge collapsed. Like everyone else, I was shocked. The initial, "Are you kidding me" turns into, "No way". Then comes the concern for those involved, safety of my own friends and family, connecting with others in the community, and then... I'm done. That lasted about an hour and I am done with it. The bridge went down, people fell in the water, they all survived, I'm done. Of course I say a prayer for the traumatized. I know trauma and what it can do to a life. I already have a healthy fear of bridges, heights, water, etc., etc. and I pray I can continue to drive across bridges in the future.
Even though it may sound like I am judging, I really am not. I watched this whole thing wondering, is there something wrong with me? People actually went to the sight to watch. Watch what? I don't understand. My first question is; Do you need the trauma of a body being pulled from the water? I saw people on the news down there with little kids. Do the kids need to see this? Am I the only one who thinks like this? If they would have pulled a body from the river, would people have complained that they had to watch it? Don't get me wrong, if people go to help that is different. Like the tornadoes in Oklahoma, I wish I had the funds to go there and help people, pass out water to drink, hold babies, or entertain children while the parent's have a good cry.
I guess what I'm saying is when a traumatic event happens, I think differently. Trauma happens all over the world daily and it's different when it's in your own home town, but there are people all over this planet who live in constant trauma. Maybe it's the degree of trauma you face in your life that affects how you respond to it. The part that struck me odd was how many people reported that they drive over the bridge daily, how many times they went over the bridge recently and/or how close in time to the collapse did they last go over the bridge. I admit, my daughter and grandson travelled over the bridge hours earlier on a school bus full of kids returning from a field trip. That crossed my mind. I was thankful it wasn't them in the water. My next thought is how many times a day we are close to death and don't even know it. Maybe 5 minutes after crossing a country intersection the next car blew through the stop sign. Yep, you would have been killed had you been there.
I found someone like me last night. Yep, she is as sick of hearing about the bridge as I am. What do we have in common? Trauma. The same kind of trauma. We both are concerned for the people involved in the collapse and the nightmares, fears, and other affects they may have from the collapse, but for the rest of the world, could we get over this now? The world is going forward and there are other tragedies playing out every day, every hour, every minute.
I may seem cold, but I believe this is all part of a greater plan. I am hours from finishing my book, the story of my life. I have never been under an enemy attack like this. I feel like I have gone back to square one. I can't seem to write this last little bit of my story. The enemy has attacked in ways I didn't even recognize. There is the obvious, like my car won't start, my new glasses broke, I have run out of money, I am not able to go to a writer's conference I really wanted to attend and felt like God wanted it too. Those are all obvious. There are the old questions the enemy asks like, who cares to read your story, who says you are a writer, and your story will do more harm than good. That's the big one. If I can say it's time to let the bridge collapse go only hours after it happens and people don't understand that, I am sure there are lots of things in my story people will not understand. If I let my story get out there, will I ever have friends again? Will I hurt my family and friends? Where do you draw the line?
I want to help people, but I don't want to waste my time. There are people who want help. These people are searching for someone to listen, someone to care, but more than anything some one who gets it, who understands. I am all about reaching out to them. But there are people who really don't want to change, don't want to face their past and don't want to hear they are wrong. It's like that day when you realize your parent's don't know everything. They are just people trying to make it in this world like everyone else. All my life I waited for that one person with all the answers, but I have realized every person has issues and issues they don't want to face. Where are all the grown ups?
I think it's funny... well actually no... it hurts. I was told it would take me as long to heal from the abuse as it took me to get where I was at when I reached out for help. I didn't want to hear forty years was all it would take. Then it seems once I told my story, got involved with people and ministry, I was automatically expected to be okay. I'm not. I am an adolescent. I am a teenage Christian. What happens at this stage? We are trying to figure out who we are. I don't know who I am. I have things in common with adult Christians and I have things in common with infants. Some days I am a warrior and some days I am a scared child.
I have been put in a position where I am hearing stories from abused women and it has taken me backwards. I want to hide from the world. I want to protect them, and I can't. This sounds ridiculous to some, but how are we supposed to have fun, when people are hurting? How are we supposed to go on with a normal life when people are dying and going to hell because nobody listened. Maybe this is a phase I am going through, but I believed finishing my book while drowning in this phase is part of the plan. Maybe it's my desperation to pull people out of their pits that will get me to allow more of my story to be told than if I was content with life. I am at a point of desperation and willing to let my family and friends go if publishing a few words will pull one person from the darkness.
I think this is making sense to me now. This desperation I feel, this fear that people are dying all around me and don't know Jesus, is causing me to do things I wouldn't normally do. So, before the bridge collapse, tornadoes ripped through Oklahoma, and after the collapse, two trains collided in the east. It doesn't stop because we need time to absorb it. Life goes on. The next tragedy happens. I'm thinking this is how emergency workers feel, "Pull them out of the river and move on to the next." You can't pull a victim out of the water and then sit and talk about what happened when there are more victims drowning. Move to the next one. I'm not sure but I think this feeling comes from living in survival mode? I just realized this is how I did my job too. Prioritize. Save the ones you can save and hopefully there will be time to go back and help in the more difficult situations.
I was diagnosed with PTSD. It still gets triggered. We often think of soldiers when we hear this term, but it's not only soldiers. PTSD is a disorder becoming more common everyday. There will be people in Oklahoma who develop this disorder from experiencing the tornado. This could be an issue for those involved in the bridge collapse. The train wreck, abuse, a traffic accident, witnessing a crime, etc. etc. are all things that can cause PTSD. It affects the way we think. Maybe instead of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, these letters should stand for Powerful Tool for Satan's Deception.
“If only I could tell someone.
The humiliation I go through
when I think of my past
can only be described as grace.
We are created by being destroyed.”
― Franz Wright
― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
Sometimes in life we are put into situations with others that point out our differences. Sometimes it feels like my differences flash like a neon sign in a dark room and they are so different that I keep my mouth closed, because I don't understand others and don't want to be offensive. But, now I have this blog so I can talk about those differences. This may seem really strange to some, but it's been speaking loudly to me. Lately God is telling me that I am different for a reason, His reason. Some of the things that make me different, he doesn't want me to change. I'm pretty sure there is a reason for this difference and I'm pretty sure, He wants me this way. I have no idea though how He will use this.
In the county where I live, on the main highway connecting our corner of the world with the rest of the world, a bridge collapsed. Like everyone else, I was shocked. The initial, "Are you kidding me" turns into, "No way". Then comes the concern for those involved, safety of my own friends and family, connecting with others in the community, and then... I'm done. That lasted about an hour and I am done with it. The bridge went down, people fell in the water, they all survived, I'm done. Of course I say a prayer for the traumatized. I know trauma and what it can do to a life. I already have a healthy fear of bridges, heights, water, etc., etc. and I pray I can continue to drive across bridges in the future.
Even though it may sound like I am judging, I really am not. I watched this whole thing wondering, is there something wrong with me? People actually went to the sight to watch. Watch what? I don't understand. My first question is; Do you need the trauma of a body being pulled from the water? I saw people on the news down there with little kids. Do the kids need to see this? Am I the only one who thinks like this? If they would have pulled a body from the river, would people have complained that they had to watch it? Don't get me wrong, if people go to help that is different. Like the tornadoes in Oklahoma, I wish I had the funds to go there and help people, pass out water to drink, hold babies, or entertain children while the parent's have a good cry.
I guess what I'm saying is when a traumatic event happens, I think differently. Trauma happens all over the world daily and it's different when it's in your own home town, but there are people all over this planet who live in constant trauma. Maybe it's the degree of trauma you face in your life that affects how you respond to it. The part that struck me odd was how many people reported that they drive over the bridge daily, how many times they went over the bridge recently and/or how close in time to the collapse did they last go over the bridge. I admit, my daughter and grandson travelled over the bridge hours earlier on a school bus full of kids returning from a field trip. That crossed my mind. I was thankful it wasn't them in the water. My next thought is how many times a day we are close to death and don't even know it. Maybe 5 minutes after crossing a country intersection the next car blew through the stop sign. Yep, you would have been killed had you been there.
I found someone like me last night. Yep, she is as sick of hearing about the bridge as I am. What do we have in common? Trauma. The same kind of trauma. We both are concerned for the people involved in the collapse and the nightmares, fears, and other affects they may have from the collapse, but for the rest of the world, could we get over this now? The world is going forward and there are other tragedies playing out every day, every hour, every minute.
I may seem cold, but I believe this is all part of a greater plan. I am hours from finishing my book, the story of my life. I have never been under an enemy attack like this. I feel like I have gone back to square one. I can't seem to write this last little bit of my story. The enemy has attacked in ways I didn't even recognize. There is the obvious, like my car won't start, my new glasses broke, I have run out of money, I am not able to go to a writer's conference I really wanted to attend and felt like God wanted it too. Those are all obvious. There are the old questions the enemy asks like, who cares to read your story, who says you are a writer, and your story will do more harm than good. That's the big one. If I can say it's time to let the bridge collapse go only hours after it happens and people don't understand that, I am sure there are lots of things in my story people will not understand. If I let my story get out there, will I ever have friends again? Will I hurt my family and friends? Where do you draw the line?
I want to help people, but I don't want to waste my time. There are people who want help. These people are searching for someone to listen, someone to care, but more than anything some one who gets it, who understands. I am all about reaching out to them. But there are people who really don't want to change, don't want to face their past and don't want to hear they are wrong. It's like that day when you realize your parent's don't know everything. They are just people trying to make it in this world like everyone else. All my life I waited for that one person with all the answers, but I have realized every person has issues and issues they don't want to face. Where are all the grown ups?
I think it's funny... well actually no... it hurts. I was told it would take me as long to heal from the abuse as it took me to get where I was at when I reached out for help. I didn't want to hear forty years was all it would take. Then it seems once I told my story, got involved with people and ministry, I was automatically expected to be okay. I'm not. I am an adolescent. I am a teenage Christian. What happens at this stage? We are trying to figure out who we are. I don't know who I am. I have things in common with adult Christians and I have things in common with infants. Some days I am a warrior and some days I am a scared child.
I have been put in a position where I am hearing stories from abused women and it has taken me backwards. I want to hide from the world. I want to protect them, and I can't. This sounds ridiculous to some, but how are we supposed to have fun, when people are hurting? How are we supposed to go on with a normal life when people are dying and going to hell because nobody listened. Maybe this is a phase I am going through, but I believed finishing my book while drowning in this phase is part of the plan. Maybe it's my desperation to pull people out of their pits that will get me to allow more of my story to be told than if I was content with life. I am at a point of desperation and willing to let my family and friends go if publishing a few words will pull one person from the darkness.
I think this is making sense to me now. This desperation I feel, this fear that people are dying all around me and don't know Jesus, is causing me to do things I wouldn't normally do. So, before the bridge collapse, tornadoes ripped through Oklahoma, and after the collapse, two trains collided in the east. It doesn't stop because we need time to absorb it. Life goes on. The next tragedy happens. I'm thinking this is how emergency workers feel, "Pull them out of the river and move on to the next." You can't pull a victim out of the water and then sit and talk about what happened when there are more victims drowning. Move to the next one. I'm not sure but I think this feeling comes from living in survival mode? I just realized this is how I did my job too. Prioritize. Save the ones you can save and hopefully there will be time to go back and help in the more difficult situations.
I was diagnosed with PTSD. It still gets triggered. We often think of soldiers when we hear this term, but it's not only soldiers. PTSD is a disorder becoming more common everyday. There will be people in Oklahoma who develop this disorder from experiencing the tornado. This could be an issue for those involved in the bridge collapse. The train wreck, abuse, a traffic accident, witnessing a crime, etc. etc. are all things that can cause PTSD. It affects the way we think. Maybe instead of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, these letters should stand for Powerful Tool for Satan's Deception.
“If only I could tell someone.
The humiliation I go through
when I think of my past
can only be described as grace.
We are created by being destroyed.”
― Franz Wright
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Truth or Fiction
“and a charge of lying against someone whom you have always found truthful is a very serious thing; a very serious thing indeed.”
― C.S. Lewis
Satan may be dumb, but he is not stupid. I have talked to many, many survivors of sexual exploitation and every time I hear a new story, I can't believe how crafty the enemy is. This morning I had a revelation when I woke up and I think no matter how or who it hurts, it's important to share.
The enemy likes to imitate Christ. He spends a lot of time twisting the truth. As I have said before we find comfort in the familiar, which is the enemy's imitation of the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. To be a true follower is to be a true risk taker. God gave us a comforter for one reason - to comfort us. To stay in our comfort zone, there would be no reason for a comforter. Stepping out and taking risks causes the need.
When you are forced to live in survival mode, you first learn to read people. We have to. Some may call it judging, but we have to be able to read who we can trust and to what to degree and who to totally stay away from. So, we decide to get healthy. We are going to deal with our pasts and face our futures and walk it out for God.
Before we really get started, while we are in the first stages of trusting people, we clearly see there are some, even under the label of Christian that we cannot trust. Our gut turns and we know to stay away, but eventually we see that people we trust obviously trust those people so we decide, this must be our broken system of survival. We obviously need to think like everyone else. "The normal people".
With our sense of who people are, we see a lot of people struggling to follow God, know Him better and love on people when they don't feel like it. We see people struggle with addictions, old habits and down right attacks straight from hell. Wow, these people are like me. Judging is wrong, but I don't believe we are to turn a blind eye to everything. God speaks to us, not just to rub our heads and tell us what a good job we are doing, sometimes it's to warn us of danger.
I don't care what anyone says, there are child molesters, Satanists, false teachers and prophets amongst us in the church. Does God really want us to accept them into our homes and share coffee? We have a duty to point out these people. I will sit next to a child molester if he is searching out God and trying to change his or her life. I will sit next to a Satanist trying to find the right answer. I will not allow somebody in my life who is a fraud or a fake, purposefully misleading others.
Here is the hard part. When you recognize one of these people and you tell someone and they say - "Oh, that is not true. You are making this up. I have known her/him for years and I know they are a good person." It's that same feeling as when you tried to talk about the abuse and you were accused of making that up too. Let me say this, there are many wives who find out years later, their husband has been having an affair, molesting children, or is the neighborhood rapist. There are husbands who find out the woman they have been married to for thirty years has a past he did not know about and is still living it on the side.
I have stepped out and exposed people, because they need help. They are hurting people and I have been told to shut up. I have been told to quit judging. I have been told I will be exposed, well here I m exposing myself. The enemy is so smart.
Then there is Sister Christian who shows up at my door out of love to talk some sense into me. Here is the thing, she reminds me of all those adults who told me as a kid that I needed to straighten out my behavior for my family's sake. Nobody wanted to hear the truth. Nobody wanted to hear what was really going on. So while everyone is gathering together in the love of Christ nobody sees the looks I am getting, the glares and smirks. The "nobody believes you" grins of the perpetrator. Nobody wants to stop the molester from making their way through the family destroying people's faith. If you have a gut/God feeling about someone, trust it. The enemy is a deceiver and he deceives good people. It doesn't matter what their title is, as you know from the news there are priests who molest. Let me also say that those under the influence of the enemy, attack the new believer first. it makes sense, because who would believe them? So don't be paranoid, be your own judge, don't run on somebody else's trust, not even mine. The enemy is a crafty one and he has a lot of Christians on his side.
“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” Gandhi
― C.S. Lewis
Satan may be dumb, but he is not stupid. I have talked to many, many survivors of sexual exploitation and every time I hear a new story, I can't believe how crafty the enemy is. This morning I had a revelation when I woke up and I think no matter how or who it hurts, it's important to share.
The enemy likes to imitate Christ. He spends a lot of time twisting the truth. As I have said before we find comfort in the familiar, which is the enemy's imitation of the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. To be a true follower is to be a true risk taker. God gave us a comforter for one reason - to comfort us. To stay in our comfort zone, there would be no reason for a comforter. Stepping out and taking risks causes the need.
When you are forced to live in survival mode, you first learn to read people. We have to. Some may call it judging, but we have to be able to read who we can trust and to what to degree and who to totally stay away from. So, we decide to get healthy. We are going to deal with our pasts and face our futures and walk it out for God.
Before we really get started, while we are in the first stages of trusting people, we clearly see there are some, even under the label of Christian that we cannot trust. Our gut turns and we know to stay away, but eventually we see that people we trust obviously trust those people so we decide, this must be our broken system of survival. We obviously need to think like everyone else. "The normal people".
With our sense of who people are, we see a lot of people struggling to follow God, know Him better and love on people when they don't feel like it. We see people struggle with addictions, old habits and down right attacks straight from hell. Wow, these people are like me. Judging is wrong, but I don't believe we are to turn a blind eye to everything. God speaks to us, not just to rub our heads and tell us what a good job we are doing, sometimes it's to warn us of danger.
I don't care what anyone says, there are child molesters, Satanists, false teachers and prophets amongst us in the church. Does God really want us to accept them into our homes and share coffee? We have a duty to point out these people. I will sit next to a child molester if he is searching out God and trying to change his or her life. I will sit next to a Satanist trying to find the right answer. I will not allow somebody in my life who is a fraud or a fake, purposefully misleading others.
Here is the hard part. When you recognize one of these people and you tell someone and they say - "Oh, that is not true. You are making this up. I have known her/him for years and I know they are a good person." It's that same feeling as when you tried to talk about the abuse and you were accused of making that up too. Let me say this, there are many wives who find out years later, their husband has been having an affair, molesting children, or is the neighborhood rapist. There are husbands who find out the woman they have been married to for thirty years has a past he did not know about and is still living it on the side.
I have stepped out and exposed people, because they need help. They are hurting people and I have been told to shut up. I have been told to quit judging. I have been told I will be exposed, well here I m exposing myself. The enemy is so smart.
Then there is Sister Christian who shows up at my door out of love to talk some sense into me. Here is the thing, she reminds me of all those adults who told me as a kid that I needed to straighten out my behavior for my family's sake. Nobody wanted to hear the truth. Nobody wanted to hear what was really going on. So while everyone is gathering together in the love of Christ nobody sees the looks I am getting, the glares and smirks. The "nobody believes you" grins of the perpetrator. Nobody wants to stop the molester from making their way through the family destroying people's faith. If you have a gut/God feeling about someone, trust it. The enemy is a deceiver and he deceives good people. It doesn't matter what their title is, as you know from the news there are priests who molest. Let me also say that those under the influence of the enemy, attack the new believer first. it makes sense, because who would believe them? So don't be paranoid, be your own judge, don't run on somebody else's trust, not even mine. The enemy is a crafty one and he has a lot of Christians on his side.
“I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” Gandhi
Friday, May 17, 2013
“Jesus, Willard says, “does not call us to do what he did, but to be as he was, permeated with love. Then the doing of what he did and said becomes the natural expression of who we are in him.”
― Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life In God
Well, here I sit finding another way to avoid doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I am a procrastinator for one thing and for another, I struggle to believe I am doing the right thing. I am the queen of doubt. I can hear instruction from the Lord and within 5 minutes have myself completely talked out of it. Well, that can't be God, because it doesn't make sense. That can't be God, because God knows I am not capable of that. That can't be God because the cow across the street is not purple. Yeah, I know it gets pretty ridiculous.
All I have heard from God for months is "write". Get your story written so I can move you on to other things. Well, here's the deal - What if "other things" is scary? What if it is over my head? God seems to have a bit more confidence in me than what I have. And the enemy seems to be using a megaphone, while Christ is whispering only one word of instruction, "write, write, write." But, but, but what if it's not Him?
As I sit here and contemplate whether God is talking to me or not, He sends me little messages through others, about how important our testimony is to others. He reminds me of all the amazing things He has done for me and through me. I truly feel like what He is telling me to do is write my story and attend a writer's conference the first week of June. I have paid for the conference, but not working for 6 months, I am running low on funds. So here is the deal - If you read this silly little blog of mine where I pour out my life lessons and the steps I go to process those lessons and you have come back more than one time, because you got something out of this, then let's prove a point here as a team. I am asking for prayer.
1. I need to focus to get my book done
2. I need to really hear God in what to take out of the story and what to leave in
3. If I am supposed to go to the conference, I need funds to do it.
4. I need income, like a job or the sale of a book.
5. I think a miracle to share on this blog would be amazing, so I'm asking for that too.
Also, when I divide my story into chapters, I would like to include a scripture at the beginning of each chapter. I am asking for any scripture or quote that has really helped you in your growth. My calling, my purpose, I believe is to expose the enemy and speak to the broken. Sharing in this blog has really helped me, because I have had some really good feedback to how it has helped you. I would like to include those scriptures and quotes from you in my book. Whether this book goes anywhere or not, I have learned and healed a lot from writing it and I am only days from finishing it and then I will start editing.
So, if you will all pray for me, I will be sure to blog about the answers to those prayers. I want to be in the Father's will more than anything else. I am praying for you to find His will for your lives too. Let's change this world.
― Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy: Rediscovering Our Hidden Life In God
Well, here I sit finding another way to avoid doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I am a procrastinator for one thing and for another, I struggle to believe I am doing the right thing. I am the queen of doubt. I can hear instruction from the Lord and within 5 minutes have myself completely talked out of it. Well, that can't be God, because it doesn't make sense. That can't be God, because God knows I am not capable of that. That can't be God because the cow across the street is not purple. Yeah, I know it gets pretty ridiculous.
All I have heard from God for months is "write". Get your story written so I can move you on to other things. Well, here's the deal - What if "other things" is scary? What if it is over my head? God seems to have a bit more confidence in me than what I have. And the enemy seems to be using a megaphone, while Christ is whispering only one word of instruction, "write, write, write." But, but, but what if it's not Him?
As I sit here and contemplate whether God is talking to me or not, He sends me little messages through others, about how important our testimony is to others. He reminds me of all the amazing things He has done for me and through me. I truly feel like what He is telling me to do is write my story and attend a writer's conference the first week of June. I have paid for the conference, but not working for 6 months, I am running low on funds. So here is the deal - If you read this silly little blog of mine where I pour out my life lessons and the steps I go to process those lessons and you have come back more than one time, because you got something out of this, then let's prove a point here as a team. I am asking for prayer.
1. I need to focus to get my book done
2. I need to really hear God in what to take out of the story and what to leave in
3. If I am supposed to go to the conference, I need funds to do it.
4. I need income, like a job or the sale of a book.
5. I think a miracle to share on this blog would be amazing, so I'm asking for that too.
Also, when I divide my story into chapters, I would like to include a scripture at the beginning of each chapter. I am asking for any scripture or quote that has really helped you in your growth. My calling, my purpose, I believe is to expose the enemy and speak to the broken. Sharing in this blog has really helped me, because I have had some really good feedback to how it has helped you. I would like to include those scriptures and quotes from you in my book. Whether this book goes anywhere or not, I have learned and healed a lot from writing it and I am only days from finishing it and then I will start editing.
So, if you will all pray for me, I will be sure to blog about the answers to those prayers. I want to be in the Father's will more than anything else. I am praying for you to find His will for your lives too. Let's change this world.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Obedience or Pride?
2 Samuel 13:21-22 New International Version (NIV)
21 When King David heard all this, he was furious. 22 And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.
So, this little guy named David picks up a few rocks and kills a giant with only a slingshot. Then he goes on to kill tens of thousands of soldiers. This little guy must have done an awesome job watching his father's sheep, because for some reason he was made king. In the early stories of David, he seems so humble and confident in God's love for him. To kill a lion and a bear takes some confidence. But it doesn't take long to see some weakness.
I have to wonder if we become so accustomed to hearing God's voice, that we stop listening as attentively as we once did? Or maybe our own will sneaks in there without us realizing it. Maybe the confidence shifts to pride. As in David's case, maybe it was being ruler over so many and having that constant favor poured on him by the Lord, that he began to take things that did not belong to him. Bathsheba for instance? Huh? He didn't even see it when the Lord sent Nathan to straighten him out. I know the Lord has used many little bible stories to take me to my knees.
The part of the whole King David story that makes me sick to my stomach is the rape of Tamar. This great king who had killed a giant and many, many other soldiers, did nothing about the rape of his own daughter. I understand it was his own son who did it and there he was caught between two of his children, but really? Was he afraid? Did he not value his daughter? The bible doesn't tell us every detail of what took place between David and Tamar or even between Amnon and Absalom, but by the hatred that grows in Absalom toward king David, I would guess, the normal dysfunctional ignoring of the problem.
Looking at this story I see that there are areas in my life I attack with no fear. I have complete faith that all will work out. There are other areas and/or people that I cannot muster up the strength to confront. I think sometimes we use grace as an excuse. There are times when we need to say things to others and the Lord is calling us to, but we use verses like, If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. It's funny how the meaning of a verse can be adjusted to where I am.
Sometimes God calls us out into war and other times He calls us to a cave to hide. One thing I have learned lately is that when He calls and I do the opposite, I am sinning. Seriously, to face a friend with a warning from God is not a warm and fuzzy. I would much rather bless them with a word of encouragement. I am not afraid of spiritual warfare. Let me know if you are fighting a demonic spirit and I can get a team together to help you take care of that, but face a friend who has their eyes covered by the hand of the enemy and I get a little sick to my stomach. I am working on this though. The Lord has asked me several times lately, what is more important, their freedom or their friendship? He is teaching me.
To not obey is to believe we know better than God.
“There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; which every one in the world loathes when he sees it in someone else; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. […] There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves.[…]The vice I am talking of is Pride or Self-Conceit: and the virtue opposite to it, in Christian morals, is called Humility.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Unity in Spirit
“If you don't live by the praise of men you won't die by their criticism.”
― Bill Johnson
Doubt. I have been full of it. The Lord is talking to me in the strangest ways and I am having a difficult time fighting off doubt and fear. I have said repeatedly over the last couple weeks, "Is that really you, God?" I think we all go through seasons of doubt and I am starting to believe He takes us through this season to perk up our ears and make us really pay attention. We should never stop checking ourselves.
The last few weeks have been very strange. My car needs a new fuel pump and occasionally won't start and God is using this. I believe He is using it to get me to listen and to show me He can do all things, He is in charge. An example of a "car not starting incident" would be; I come out of the store and on my way to the car I hear the Lord say, "It won't start, because I want you to read." He may ask me to make a phone call or send a text before He will allow the car to start. I know this sounds crazy, believe me I have questioned it a thousand times. I always have my kindle with me and when He instructs me to, I open it to the latest book I am reading. I will read until something strikes me, that I know He wants me to learn and then I will hear Him, "Start the car" and it starts every time. The other day, I tried every trick I had been taught when trying to leave a friends house, but the car would not start. Then I heard Him say, "Tell her you are proud of her." I did and the car started. I can tell you this, I feel like a little baby being told step by step what to do and it is very frustrating, but it gets my attention to listen.
Months ago, I believe I heard the Lord tell me that a group of friends and I were to wash the feet and make dinner for a specific group of people. I didn't say what I was hearing until I couldn't hold it in any longer. I turned the word over to my friends and asked them to pray for confirmation. Within a month or so, it was confirmed more than once. There were specific details. We were to take this night out of the church atmosphere and we were not to include leaders of the church, but represent the congregation. Then I got the color yellow. We put together a meeting to pray and see if the Lord spoke to us about any other specifics.
Leadership was brought in. We decided it should be a fancy dinner. Basically we took off with our own ideas about why God was having us do this and how we should do it. Listening to the Lord went right out the window and I was part of it. It didn't set right with me, but I kept going and didn't speak up for some time. A couple people I felt were supposed to be involved immediately said they believed the Lord didn't want them involved. The whole thing became confusing to me and I knew the enemy had some how stepped in. I prayed and felt God was telling me that my role in the dinner was to remind the group of His instruction. That was the only role I felt He was giving me. A few times I sheepishly stated that we were getting off track. The Lord wanted us to follow His every detail with this dinner. I believe the color yellow meant "proceed with caution". I didn't feel heard by the group. They thought I was full of fear brought on by the enemy, when actually I had never felt like I was hearing God more clearly. I spoke up a couple times and was very uncomfortable doing so. I was becoming frustrated, because I had other thing going on in my life at the time that were huge emotionally and time consuming, but the Holy Spirit would suddenly call me to remind the group that details were important and we were to listen. I hate to say it, but I didn't even care about the dinner any longer, because my heart was consumed with my own stuff that had nothing to do with this assignment.
I got together with a friend one afternoon and spilled all my frustration and talked about what God was doing with this minute by minute instruction He was putting me through. The next day I visited with Dave for a couple hours and talked to him about the battle I felt I was in with God. He set me free with a few statements, but the one that grabbed me the most was that I was in adolescence. I was rebelling against being under the tight thumb of God. I realized, I needed to submit fully to what I believed He wanted from me. Being a teenager is tough, especially when I didn't get much practice when I really was a teenager. I went from childhood to motherhood. That evening I met with a couple who gave me even more insight to what God was molding me into. "I get it" are powerful words and I felt relief. I'm going to be okay.
The next morning as I sat on the deck sipping coffee and relaxing in the Father's hand, I saw a message sent to me by a friend and it was almost like a download of knowledge. The story of Abraham being told to sacrifice Isaac was used by the Holy Spirit to explain the lesson I was being taught and I suddenly understood so much of what I had been hearing from Him. God told Abraham to take Isaac to the top of the mountain and sacrifice him. This was a three day walk and Abraham had plenty of time to talk himself out of it. I could hear myself saying, "This can't be God. He wouldn't ask me to do such a thing. He gave promises for Isaac's future and this doesn't make sense." God had to trust Abraham to go through with the assignment he was given. Abraham had to trust God. At the point and time when God said, use the ram instead, He had to trust Abraham to listen. Abraham could have easily thought it was his own voice telling him to stop or even the enemy. I believe God said to me that morning, "I am looking for a people I can trust to listen to the details." My first question was, "Have I been that person He wants me to be?"
I had to tell the group that our lesson was over. Even though He was saying we could still serve the dinner, He also made it clear He was testing us to see if we would listen to the details. The devil is in the details. Often times we get the initial request from God and we run with it. Any opposition we believe comes from the enemy. I had to wonder how many of us would have sacrificed Isaac after God said to use the ram.
One thing that came to mind after this revelation was a conversation I had with a friend. I had said that God wants us to hear His voice so He can instruct us in all things. My friend said, "I don't think He wants robots." Made sense to me, so I asked God about it and He very clearly explained it to me. "A father can ask his son to clean the barn. I want bridles hung on this wall, move the hay into the corner and clean the stalls. The next time he asks the boy to clean the barn, all he says is go clean it. But what if in the middle of cleaning the father says, I want those bridles hung on the opposite wall?" Doesn't sound robotic to me. In fact, it made total sense to me. We are told sometimes to do things and not given much detail. He gives us free choice to get it done how we want. Other times, He may give us minute by minute instruction. The most important thing is to listen. He wants to trust us to listen and obey. We can't obey if we aren't hearing His instruction.
Another issue the Lord has been talking to me about is division or unity. I woke this morning to listen to a teaching that I know the Lord set up. The speaker not only used the Abraham and Isaac story that the Lord had used earlier, but he also talked about unity. He said sheep watch each other to stay together. As long as they can see the group around them they figure there is a shepherd leading somewhere. When we pray for unity in the Church we should be praying for unity between God and each believer, because if we have unity amongst believers without being in unity with Christ, we could be united in wrong thinking. (Kind of like the group making the dinner) Yep, that was a big lesson.
Lately with all the doubt I have suddenly had a greater empathy for Joan of Arc. Every time I sit in my car reading or praying and waiting on the Lord to tell me it's time to go, I have learned what He wanted me to learn, but I feel a little like Joan. Yep, this is weird. Who would believe this? But what if we all, like sheep, just watch the butts in front of us and trust the crowd we move in? We aren't all called to be the same. God doesn't need one big hand, He needs all of the body. He talks to us all differently, He teaches us all differently, He calls us to different roles. There is a gap only we can fill. We aren't all called to be teachers or who would we teach? Bob Jones said, "Heresy embraced by one generation becomes doctrine to the next."
There are some things He calls us all to do like love each other. Walk in love. We aren't all called to do this the same way though. Realize the Lord has a sense of humor. I think He shows it more to those who love to laugh. Some of us take Him too serious and others not serious enough, but He loves to hear us laugh and I believe He loves to join us in that laughter. I had to make that clear before I shared that this morning I heard a prophet share a word he had received from God. "The prophetic mascot for this epoch season is no longer the eagle, but the owl. Because the owl is nocturnal and lives in the darkness, and can see through the night and knows who's who." I may have laughed this off if I hadn't heard this at least twice before. What struck me funny was that last night I had sat out on the deck after midnight, unable to sleep and listened to a very loud owl for the whole 15 minutes I was out there. Okay Lord, are you talking to me in a weird way again? I heard once that coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous.
It is so easy to disregard things as coincidence, but I believe in these days we need to pay closer attention to what we are hearing and seeing and ask God questions. The Bible is written in parables, not spelled out word for word. We have to trust that we are understanding what He is truly meaning in scripture. He can speak differently to different people through the same scripture. We have to learn to hear Him so He can correct us when we are misled. Scripture says in the last days there will be more visions and dreams. God has been showing me lately that I have disregarded visions He has given me. For example the other morning I thought I was full of pride and imagining myself lay hands on a blind woman in a red coat and she was healed. I actually argued with God that He should not trust me, because I am a dreamer and my desire to see people set free from bondage causes me to get a little "out there" in my daydreaming. I do not believe that healing is my main gift, but I do believe we are all called to heal. I did not consider this blind woman fantasy a vision, until that morning at church when I met her, the blind woman in the red coat. My jaw must have hit the floor. I didn't even know which way to turn. (Yes, I heard the Holy Spirit laughing) On the way to church I had asked God not to allow me to break down crying. My heart had been broken I was still in the shocked stage and I did not want to break down at church. What did He do? We prayed over the blind woman during worship and I believe He is healing her sight. I smiled through the whole service. He is an awesome God. All I asked was not to cry, but He pasted a smile on my face that would not go away. I saw the love He had for us all.
A couple days ago a friend and I decided to follow Jesus all day. It's really fun, but more importantly, we learn from it. On this day He was telling us that He was not going to give us words ahead of time, but minute by minute. He led us to pray over several people and we were actually blessed to have lunch with a brother and sister. The brother had had a stroke months earlier and used a walker, but he was still looking into prison ministry. His sister was an alcoholic who had recently relapsed and we all four enjoyed lunch and praying together. During the day, we prayed for a little boy with a broken leg. When I saw his cast I realized that God had actually given me a vision that morning of my friend with this leg in her hand. I had written it off as my wild imagination daydreaming about what could be ahead in following Jesus that day.
So after a bunch of rambling stories, my main point here is to share what the Lord is telling me He is looking for. He wants a people He can trust. We can't let other's opinions decide whether we are hearing God or not and we should not judge another for hearing God differently than we do. Always check. I always ask God to confirm and sometimes I don't even have to ask. If I feel He is asking me to speak a word to another or take an action, I rarely move without confirmation. Now, if I am in the coffee line and I hear Him tell me to pay for an other's coffee, I may not wait for confirmation because I don't have time and because how can this hurt, even if it wasn't God. We always have to be ready to hear "Stop". We have choices. God put trees in the garden and gave Adam and Eve the choice to follow his will. He gives us choices. He also gives us grace and mercy as we learn to hear His voice and obey Him. Being a follower involves risk. If we don't take risk, we don't move from comfortable. God can turn the steering wheel all day long, but if you are not moving forward...well, there you are.
“Now is the time to Start a Normal Christian Life!”
― Bill Johnson, When Heaven Invades Earth: A Practical Guide to a Life of Miracles
― Bill Johnson
Doubt. I have been full of it. The Lord is talking to me in the strangest ways and I am having a difficult time fighting off doubt and fear. I have said repeatedly over the last couple weeks, "Is that really you, God?" I think we all go through seasons of doubt and I am starting to believe He takes us through this season to perk up our ears and make us really pay attention. We should never stop checking ourselves.
The last few weeks have been very strange. My car needs a new fuel pump and occasionally won't start and God is using this. I believe He is using it to get me to listen and to show me He can do all things, He is in charge. An example of a "car not starting incident" would be; I come out of the store and on my way to the car I hear the Lord say, "It won't start, because I want you to read." He may ask me to make a phone call or send a text before He will allow the car to start. I know this sounds crazy, believe me I have questioned it a thousand times. I always have my kindle with me and when He instructs me to, I open it to the latest book I am reading. I will read until something strikes me, that I know He wants me to learn and then I will hear Him, "Start the car" and it starts every time. The other day, I tried every trick I had been taught when trying to leave a friends house, but the car would not start. Then I heard Him say, "Tell her you are proud of her." I did and the car started. I can tell you this, I feel like a little baby being told step by step what to do and it is very frustrating, but it gets my attention to listen.
Months ago, I believe I heard the Lord tell me that a group of friends and I were to wash the feet and make dinner for a specific group of people. I didn't say what I was hearing until I couldn't hold it in any longer. I turned the word over to my friends and asked them to pray for confirmation. Within a month or so, it was confirmed more than once. There were specific details. We were to take this night out of the church atmosphere and we were not to include leaders of the church, but represent the congregation. Then I got the color yellow. We put together a meeting to pray and see if the Lord spoke to us about any other specifics.
Leadership was brought in. We decided it should be a fancy dinner. Basically we took off with our own ideas about why God was having us do this and how we should do it. Listening to the Lord went right out the window and I was part of it. It didn't set right with me, but I kept going and didn't speak up for some time. A couple people I felt were supposed to be involved immediately said they believed the Lord didn't want them involved. The whole thing became confusing to me and I knew the enemy had some how stepped in. I prayed and felt God was telling me that my role in the dinner was to remind the group of His instruction. That was the only role I felt He was giving me. A few times I sheepishly stated that we were getting off track. The Lord wanted us to follow His every detail with this dinner. I believe the color yellow meant "proceed with caution". I didn't feel heard by the group. They thought I was full of fear brought on by the enemy, when actually I had never felt like I was hearing God more clearly. I spoke up a couple times and was very uncomfortable doing so. I was becoming frustrated, because I had other thing going on in my life at the time that were huge emotionally and time consuming, but the Holy Spirit would suddenly call me to remind the group that details were important and we were to listen. I hate to say it, but I didn't even care about the dinner any longer, because my heart was consumed with my own stuff that had nothing to do with this assignment.
I got together with a friend one afternoon and spilled all my frustration and talked about what God was doing with this minute by minute instruction He was putting me through. The next day I visited with Dave for a couple hours and talked to him about the battle I felt I was in with God. He set me free with a few statements, but the one that grabbed me the most was that I was in adolescence. I was rebelling against being under the tight thumb of God. I realized, I needed to submit fully to what I believed He wanted from me. Being a teenager is tough, especially when I didn't get much practice when I really was a teenager. I went from childhood to motherhood. That evening I met with a couple who gave me even more insight to what God was molding me into. "I get it" are powerful words and I felt relief. I'm going to be okay.
The next morning as I sat on the deck sipping coffee and relaxing in the Father's hand, I saw a message sent to me by a friend and it was almost like a download of knowledge. The story of Abraham being told to sacrifice Isaac was used by the Holy Spirit to explain the lesson I was being taught and I suddenly understood so much of what I had been hearing from Him. God told Abraham to take Isaac to the top of the mountain and sacrifice him. This was a three day walk and Abraham had plenty of time to talk himself out of it. I could hear myself saying, "This can't be God. He wouldn't ask me to do such a thing. He gave promises for Isaac's future and this doesn't make sense." God had to trust Abraham to go through with the assignment he was given. Abraham had to trust God. At the point and time when God said, use the ram instead, He had to trust Abraham to listen. Abraham could have easily thought it was his own voice telling him to stop or even the enemy. I believe God said to me that morning, "I am looking for a people I can trust to listen to the details." My first question was, "Have I been that person He wants me to be?"
I had to tell the group that our lesson was over. Even though He was saying we could still serve the dinner, He also made it clear He was testing us to see if we would listen to the details. The devil is in the details. Often times we get the initial request from God and we run with it. Any opposition we believe comes from the enemy. I had to wonder how many of us would have sacrificed Isaac after God said to use the ram.
One thing that came to mind after this revelation was a conversation I had with a friend. I had said that God wants us to hear His voice so He can instruct us in all things. My friend said, "I don't think He wants robots." Made sense to me, so I asked God about it and He very clearly explained it to me. "A father can ask his son to clean the barn. I want bridles hung on this wall, move the hay into the corner and clean the stalls. The next time he asks the boy to clean the barn, all he says is go clean it. But what if in the middle of cleaning the father says, I want those bridles hung on the opposite wall?" Doesn't sound robotic to me. In fact, it made total sense to me. We are told sometimes to do things and not given much detail. He gives us free choice to get it done how we want. Other times, He may give us minute by minute instruction. The most important thing is to listen. He wants to trust us to listen and obey. We can't obey if we aren't hearing His instruction.
Another issue the Lord has been talking to me about is division or unity. I woke this morning to listen to a teaching that I know the Lord set up. The speaker not only used the Abraham and Isaac story that the Lord had used earlier, but he also talked about unity. He said sheep watch each other to stay together. As long as they can see the group around them they figure there is a shepherd leading somewhere. When we pray for unity in the Church we should be praying for unity between God and each believer, because if we have unity amongst believers without being in unity with Christ, we could be united in wrong thinking. (Kind of like the group making the dinner) Yep, that was a big lesson.
Lately with all the doubt I have suddenly had a greater empathy for Joan of Arc. Every time I sit in my car reading or praying and waiting on the Lord to tell me it's time to go, I have learned what He wanted me to learn, but I feel a little like Joan. Yep, this is weird. Who would believe this? But what if we all, like sheep, just watch the butts in front of us and trust the crowd we move in? We aren't all called to be the same. God doesn't need one big hand, He needs all of the body. He talks to us all differently, He teaches us all differently, He calls us to different roles. There is a gap only we can fill. We aren't all called to be teachers or who would we teach? Bob Jones said, "Heresy embraced by one generation becomes doctrine to the next."
There are some things He calls us all to do like love each other. Walk in love. We aren't all called to do this the same way though. Realize the Lord has a sense of humor. I think He shows it more to those who love to laugh. Some of us take Him too serious and others not serious enough, but He loves to hear us laugh and I believe He loves to join us in that laughter. I had to make that clear before I shared that this morning I heard a prophet share a word he had received from God. "The prophetic mascot for this epoch season is no longer the eagle, but the owl. Because the owl is nocturnal and lives in the darkness, and can see through the night and knows who's who." I may have laughed this off if I hadn't heard this at least twice before. What struck me funny was that last night I had sat out on the deck after midnight, unable to sleep and listened to a very loud owl for the whole 15 minutes I was out there. Okay Lord, are you talking to me in a weird way again? I heard once that coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous.
It is so easy to disregard things as coincidence, but I believe in these days we need to pay closer attention to what we are hearing and seeing and ask God questions. The Bible is written in parables, not spelled out word for word. We have to trust that we are understanding what He is truly meaning in scripture. He can speak differently to different people through the same scripture. We have to learn to hear Him so He can correct us when we are misled. Scripture says in the last days there will be more visions and dreams. God has been showing me lately that I have disregarded visions He has given me. For example the other morning I thought I was full of pride and imagining myself lay hands on a blind woman in a red coat and she was healed. I actually argued with God that He should not trust me, because I am a dreamer and my desire to see people set free from bondage causes me to get a little "out there" in my daydreaming. I do not believe that healing is my main gift, but I do believe we are all called to heal. I did not consider this blind woman fantasy a vision, until that morning at church when I met her, the blind woman in the red coat. My jaw must have hit the floor. I didn't even know which way to turn. (Yes, I heard the Holy Spirit laughing) On the way to church I had asked God not to allow me to break down crying. My heart had been broken I was still in the shocked stage and I did not want to break down at church. What did He do? We prayed over the blind woman during worship and I believe He is healing her sight. I smiled through the whole service. He is an awesome God. All I asked was not to cry, but He pasted a smile on my face that would not go away. I saw the love He had for us all.
A couple days ago a friend and I decided to follow Jesus all day. It's really fun, but more importantly, we learn from it. On this day He was telling us that He was not going to give us words ahead of time, but minute by minute. He led us to pray over several people and we were actually blessed to have lunch with a brother and sister. The brother had had a stroke months earlier and used a walker, but he was still looking into prison ministry. His sister was an alcoholic who had recently relapsed and we all four enjoyed lunch and praying together. During the day, we prayed for a little boy with a broken leg. When I saw his cast I realized that God had actually given me a vision that morning of my friend with this leg in her hand. I had written it off as my wild imagination daydreaming about what could be ahead in following Jesus that day.
So after a bunch of rambling stories, my main point here is to share what the Lord is telling me He is looking for. He wants a people He can trust. We can't let other's opinions decide whether we are hearing God or not and we should not judge another for hearing God differently than we do. Always check. I always ask God to confirm and sometimes I don't even have to ask. If I feel He is asking me to speak a word to another or take an action, I rarely move without confirmation. Now, if I am in the coffee line and I hear Him tell me to pay for an other's coffee, I may not wait for confirmation because I don't have time and because how can this hurt, even if it wasn't God. We always have to be ready to hear "Stop". We have choices. God put trees in the garden and gave Adam and Eve the choice to follow his will. He gives us choices. He also gives us grace and mercy as we learn to hear His voice and obey Him. Being a follower involves risk. If we don't take risk, we don't move from comfortable. God can turn the steering wheel all day long, but if you are not moving forward...well, there you are.
“Now is the time to Start a Normal Christian Life!”
― Bill Johnson, When Heaven Invades Earth: A Practical Guide to a Life of Miracles
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