Matthew 18:15
“If your brother or sister[a] sins,[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
This is a powerful verse. This is also a verse that most want to ignore. Some of us jump at the chance to confront and use this verse to do it whether we are wrong or right. I think a lot of us are the opposite and we don't like confrontation so we hint. There are many reasons we hint instead of sitting down with the person who has hurt us.
One of the reasons is doubt. What if we are wrong? What if they won't listen? What if they don't agree that they have sinned against us? So we decide to do nothing and then we hint. Hinting is a form of manipulation and that just may be why God doesn't tell us to use it as a form of settling disputes. If everybody hinted instead of sitting down and talking about it, we would all live in constant fear that the person speaking was talking to us and we would be self checking until we are mad. (angry or crazy)
Sometimes we tell someone something about another for a variety of false reasons (concern, protection, prayer request) when our true motive is because we know they will pass it on and it will get to the person we want to hear it. We convince ourselves that we are doing the right thing. This is why God says, "just between the two of you". Dragging others into it can cause huge misunderstandings and damage even more relationships. We do this to protect ourselves when we believe another may be speaking badly against us. We are not to defend ourselves, but trust God to reveal the truth. Sometimes we don't want the truth revealed because we may have to look at our part in the dispute.
Hinting is not trusting. We hint when we think somebody is not listening to us. When we feel we are not being heard and we really want somebody to get OUR message. But is it God's message? If God wants somebody to know something He will put it before them. It is not our job to tell people what we want them to hear. Sometimes God will use us to give words to another, but usually it is not a situation we are involved in. Make sense? I strongly doubt that if a person sins against me God is going to send me to yell "repent" at them. If they truly need to repent, I believe God will get the message to them in a way that they will listen. The wrong messenger can silence the message.
We have to constantly check our motives, especially in this day and age when there are so many ways to communicate. If there is any question maybe keeping our mouth shut is the way to go. Are we saying a verse to encourage someone? Are we posting something on facebook so somebody will be convicted? Are we blogging out of anger? Is that anger justified. Is it God's message or yours?
Sometimes the best way to decide if the message is yours or God's is to ask yourself how you would feel if you were the one receiving it. Is it the truth. God's truth? I hate being hinted at. I had a boss once who never had the strength to say what they wanted. They hinted all the time. I'm not saying I was right, but all it did was make me do the opposite. I am a "Put it all on the table" kind of person. I want it all laid out in front of me. I may still fight it for awhile, but you have a lot better chance of being heard by me if you say it straight to me. Then I have the choice of accepting or rejecting without any wonder of your true meaning and intentions. I would guess most of us feel the same.
If an interaction between two people is misunderstood and then you pile hints on top of it, the chances of more hurt and damage are much greater. Assumption is also a huge part of this mess. Defending yourself against what you assume is a hint can make an even bigger mess. We also assume someone who is unwilling to defend themselves is automatically guilty. Not always true. Maybe they are trusting God to reveal the truth.
Recently, I have been able to sit back and watch how people react to sin. I wasn't involved in the actual sin and was very disappointed in how it was all resolved. There was a lot of hinting and false accusation and choosing sides. One person got all the support, while the other was completely ignored. This was the new Christian who was taken advantage of by a supposedly more mature Christian. Amazingly she is still seeking God, though her understanding of God is peppered with confusing messages from the person who hurt her. Not one person stepped up and asked her if there was anything they could do to help her. Why? Because they saw her as a bad person? Because she wasn't a member of their church, even though the person who hurt her is? Maybe I'm wrong, but if a church is supposed to be a family and a family member makes a mistake and hurts someone, shouldn't the family step up to help that person? She doesn't belong to a church and has only a couple Christian friends. They could have offered support in getting her connected.
Maybe I have got off track here, but I guess what God is really showing me is about stepping up. Stepping outside of our comfort zone for the sake of others. We are so worried about how we look to others instead of how we look to God. Seriously, I believe God wants us to be bold. I would rather step out boldly and be wrong then hunker down in fear, even though I have chosen that route most of my life. If you step out boldly with your jaw flapping and find out your wrong, then you step out boldly with your jaw flapping and correct it with honesty, apology and transparency. That is the kind of person I want to listen to, so that should be the kind of person I am.
“Brother and Sister So & So are not your standard; Jesus is.”
― Joyce Meyer
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Trust
“You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth of falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you. It is easy to say you believe a rope to be strong and sound as long as you are merely using it to cord a box. But suppose you had to hang by that rope over a precipice. Wouldn't you then first discover how much you really trusted it?”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Blind faith is reserved for God. At least it is in my world. I don't understand why people act crazy when they meet famous people. Just because somebody has an amazing ability to sing, throw a ball, or even quote scripture, does not make them a good and trustworthy person. The devil can quote scripture. (Probably better than any person on earth) We assume we know somebody because we see them on TV every week? Really? Some of the biggest predators hide in the church. Child molesters and sick individuals who want to be worshipped, cult leaders, hide in the church. We have a responsibility to keep our eyes open.
There are also people who make mistakes. There is a difference between deliberate deception and a person who is learning and growing. We have become a quick to judge society. For instance, to a degree, we have to trust doctors. We can get a second opinion, but still we don't really know. This is one area where looking at a person's track record is a smart thing to do. We sue doctor's for making mistakes. Even if there is a loss of life, should we really do this? Negligence and an honest mistake are two different things
The people I find it the easiest to trust are the transparent and the quick to admit fault. I have sat with a group of people and one will feel led to confess a dark secret from their past or a secret battle they are fighting in the present. It still amazes me how people surround them with support. I recommend you only do this when led by the Holy Spirit. I have found that God will bring together different personalities to support a confessor. It's like all the pieces of a puzzle coming together. One person does not have all the knowledge. May I add here that the one who thinks they have all the knowledge is not someone I want to spend time with. You know the one who cuts you off to correct you, before you even finish your sentence.
There is a balance of trust and degrees of trust. Just because you know somebody for many years doesn't mean they won't betray you. God expects us to treat people well, but He doesn't want us to be fools. We are warned that the enemy roams the earth like a lion. He is waiting for an opportunity to take a bite out of our faith. The sad part is he uses well known and popular people because it does the most damage. How many times have we heard of another preacher who has had an affair? We wonder where cults come from. He goes after the well known and the most liked for a reason.
Motive has a lot to do with trust. Somebody can make a mistake with the best motives, but others can appear to be doing a great service, but their motives are selfish. This is one of the reasons it is important to be able to hear God's voice in your heart. He does not give us a list of who to trust and who not to trust, so we have to hear from Him. It's just like making a major purchase or taking a job, you have to hear His voice, because it is not written.
It's easy to doubt that you are hearing Him especially when it seems to go against the norm. But Jesus does things differently, like healing, so we glorify Him, not the healing itself. He may take one's desire to smoke immediately and yet another man will fight the craving the rest of his life. It's like using David to fight the giant, who among us would have chosen one small guy? Sometimes God asks us to do things that seem far fetched and we doubt. But David went after the giant and killed him, because he trusted. What we face may feel like a giant, but if it's God's will it can be like swinging a few stones. We have to check our motives. Am I doing what God wants me to do to please and glorify Him? Or am I going with the crowd to be accepted? Am I doing what's right or what's comfortable?
Many times in my life God has set me in a position to speak up when nobody else will. It can be a lonely place. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I'm learning more and more that my peace is greater, even if I am alone when I do God's will. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone. It doesn't have to make sense to me. It just has to be what is right.
God has shown me too much for me to turn my back on Him and run with the crowd.
“Nothing will shake a man-or at any rate a man like me-out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Blind faith is reserved for God. At least it is in my world. I don't understand why people act crazy when they meet famous people. Just because somebody has an amazing ability to sing, throw a ball, or even quote scripture, does not make them a good and trustworthy person. The devil can quote scripture. (Probably better than any person on earth) We assume we know somebody because we see them on TV every week? Really? Some of the biggest predators hide in the church. Child molesters and sick individuals who want to be worshipped, cult leaders, hide in the church. We have a responsibility to keep our eyes open.
There are also people who make mistakes. There is a difference between deliberate deception and a person who is learning and growing. We have become a quick to judge society. For instance, to a degree, we have to trust doctors. We can get a second opinion, but still we don't really know. This is one area where looking at a person's track record is a smart thing to do. We sue doctor's for making mistakes. Even if there is a loss of life, should we really do this? Negligence and an honest mistake are two different things
The people I find it the easiest to trust are the transparent and the quick to admit fault. I have sat with a group of people and one will feel led to confess a dark secret from their past or a secret battle they are fighting in the present. It still amazes me how people surround them with support. I recommend you only do this when led by the Holy Spirit. I have found that God will bring together different personalities to support a confessor. It's like all the pieces of a puzzle coming together. One person does not have all the knowledge. May I add here that the one who thinks they have all the knowledge is not someone I want to spend time with. You know the one who cuts you off to correct you, before you even finish your sentence.
There is a balance of trust and degrees of trust. Just because you know somebody for many years doesn't mean they won't betray you. God expects us to treat people well, but He doesn't want us to be fools. We are warned that the enemy roams the earth like a lion. He is waiting for an opportunity to take a bite out of our faith. The sad part is he uses well known and popular people because it does the most damage. How many times have we heard of another preacher who has had an affair? We wonder where cults come from. He goes after the well known and the most liked for a reason.
Motive has a lot to do with trust. Somebody can make a mistake with the best motives, but others can appear to be doing a great service, but their motives are selfish. This is one of the reasons it is important to be able to hear God's voice in your heart. He does not give us a list of who to trust and who not to trust, so we have to hear from Him. It's just like making a major purchase or taking a job, you have to hear His voice, because it is not written.
It's easy to doubt that you are hearing Him especially when it seems to go against the norm. But Jesus does things differently, like healing, so we glorify Him, not the healing itself. He may take one's desire to smoke immediately and yet another man will fight the craving the rest of his life. It's like using David to fight the giant, who among us would have chosen one small guy? Sometimes God asks us to do things that seem far fetched and we doubt. But David went after the giant and killed him, because he trusted. What we face may feel like a giant, but if it's God's will it can be like swinging a few stones. We have to check our motives. Am I doing what God wants me to do to please and glorify Him? Or am I going with the crowd to be accepted? Am I doing what's right or what's comfortable?
Many times in my life God has set me in a position to speak up when nobody else will. It can be a lonely place. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. I'm learning more and more that my peace is greater, even if I am alone when I do God's will. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone. It doesn't have to make sense to me. It just has to be what is right.
God has shown me too much for me to turn my back on Him and run with the crowd.
“Nothing will shake a man-or at any rate a man like me-out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Monday, January 28, 2013
Relationship = Growing
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.........Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness......”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
I think it's really funny when I hear people say, "You need to find Jesus." They assume that somebody in relationship with Jesus will behave a certain way. Well, good for those who do right off the bat. I have been in a relationship with Jesus since I was 12 years old and it hasn't been all peaches and cream. There are people who were raised in homes with parent's who loved God and followed Him in every part of their lives. There are those who had parents with healthy relationships and so it's easier for them to trust Him and love Him and obey, etc. etc. I didn't have that. Sometimes I think Jesus is the only one who knows we have a relationship, because some days I don't even believe it.
When you have been abused, abandoned, beaten, and told you are nothing, relationships tend to be unhealthy. I get tired of hearing that I need to trust God. Trust does not come easily to me and actually it has gotten more difficult lately. When you have never been able to trust, it is even hard to trust God, no matter how much you believe in Him. In this last year I have started trusting and been totally betrayed by the person I trusted the most. I know, I know, people are human. Trust God!! Well, God put that person in my life knowing what he was going to do. Being in a relationship with God doesn't look pretty at times. Anyone who is new to this and struggling doesn't always want to be around those who only have wonderful things to say. I for one need raw truth. The Bible doesn't say this is going to be comfortable, easy or happy every day. Nobody has a perfect relationship with God. The walk is all about the relationship and growing it. We expect teaching kids, marriages and even friendships to take time and effort. Well, so does being in a relationship with God. you don't build trust in a day. You don't even fall in love in a day. If you do, you're fooling yourself.
Relationships don't just start out healthy in my world. At this point I don't know if I will ever be capable of a healthy relationship. God and I are in one and just because He is God, people expect it to be healthy. My side of it is not. I bet I say things to God other people would never dream of saying out loud to anyone. How else is it supposed to get healthy? If I sit down in front of God and say, "You are so wonderful and good to me and love me like I have never been loved" how will it ever be true that I feel that way. No! What I say is more like, "Why did you put me here? Why did you put him in my life when you knew what would happen? How am I suppose to trust anyone?" And yes, I even say, "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm no good here, just take me home."
If you have a desire to correct me right now, just stop reading and go find something else to do. I can read the Bible and hear who God is, but until He and I reach a place where I can trust Him, no one's words are going to change anything. Maybe you can say "trust God" because you do, but what did it take for you to get there? I'm sure it didn't just happen the day you accepted Jesus. I know pastor's that don't even trust God 100%. They think they know better than Him and manipulate situations to get the outcome they think is right. They preach what the people want to hear instead of the message God wants them to hear. Yes they even preach the truth while they are not living it.
People don't expect a kid from a broken home to grow up and have a healthy marriage without some work, but for some reason they expect their relationship with Christ to be miraculously healthy. I don't lie to God. I tell Him what I think. Shoot, He already knows it. Sometimes He tells me different. Sometimes He lets me fall in a pit until I see what He wants me to learn. Sometimes He corrects me. Sometimes He just lets me stomp my feet. Sometimes He cries with me.
I have a fear of God, but I am not afraid of Him. We are going to get a lot further, a lot faster if I'm honest with Him. Like I said, He already knows the truth. We aren't supposed to judge other people's walks and I think if we would stop doing that it would allow people to be more real and grow faster. When a person says to me, "I have trouble trusting God" all I can say is I get it. I have trouble with it too. You will not hear me telling them that they are supposed to because the Bible says so. They already know that or they wouldn't even consider it an issue. There would be no reason for them to bring it up at all.
I don't believe all God wants us to do is repeat what the Bible says all the time. My ministry is not that anyway. My ministry is to share my experience. You want scriptural truth, it's in your Bible. You want the truth about building a relationship with God, well this is my truth. I yell and scream at Him, because it hurts. This growing and learning and stretching and stepping out of my comfort zone, hurts like Hell and some days, I hate it and I don't want to do it anymore. God already knows that, so me telling Him is not news, it's honesty. There are no lies in this relationship.
Just so you know, usually when I rant and rave at God, His response is either, "I know" or "I love you." And just so you know, some days, I don't want to hear that. The healing it takes to develop a relationship with Christ has to run as deep as the wounds. Cleaning out an old festering wound is painful, don't let anyone tell you differently. It takes time and effort. When I have it all together and our relationship is perfect, I will let you know, but it won't be here on earth.
“Mackenzie, you cannot produce trust, just as you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
I think it's really funny when I hear people say, "You need to find Jesus." They assume that somebody in relationship with Jesus will behave a certain way. Well, good for those who do right off the bat. I have been in a relationship with Jesus since I was 12 years old and it hasn't been all peaches and cream. There are people who were raised in homes with parent's who loved God and followed Him in every part of their lives. There are those who had parents with healthy relationships and so it's easier for them to trust Him and love Him and obey, etc. etc. I didn't have that. Sometimes I think Jesus is the only one who knows we have a relationship, because some days I don't even believe it.
When you have been abused, abandoned, beaten, and told you are nothing, relationships tend to be unhealthy. I get tired of hearing that I need to trust God. Trust does not come easily to me and actually it has gotten more difficult lately. When you have never been able to trust, it is even hard to trust God, no matter how much you believe in Him. In this last year I have started trusting and been totally betrayed by the person I trusted the most. I know, I know, people are human. Trust God!! Well, God put that person in my life knowing what he was going to do. Being in a relationship with God doesn't look pretty at times. Anyone who is new to this and struggling doesn't always want to be around those who only have wonderful things to say. I for one need raw truth. The Bible doesn't say this is going to be comfortable, easy or happy every day. Nobody has a perfect relationship with God. The walk is all about the relationship and growing it. We expect teaching kids, marriages and even friendships to take time and effort. Well, so does being in a relationship with God. you don't build trust in a day. You don't even fall in love in a day. If you do, you're fooling yourself.
Relationships don't just start out healthy in my world. At this point I don't know if I will ever be capable of a healthy relationship. God and I are in one and just because He is God, people expect it to be healthy. My side of it is not. I bet I say things to God other people would never dream of saying out loud to anyone. How else is it supposed to get healthy? If I sit down in front of God and say, "You are so wonderful and good to me and love me like I have never been loved" how will it ever be true that I feel that way. No! What I say is more like, "Why did you put me here? Why did you put him in my life when you knew what would happen? How am I suppose to trust anyone?" And yes, I even say, "I don't want to do this anymore. I'm no good here, just take me home."
If you have a desire to correct me right now, just stop reading and go find something else to do. I can read the Bible and hear who God is, but until He and I reach a place where I can trust Him, no one's words are going to change anything. Maybe you can say "trust God" because you do, but what did it take for you to get there? I'm sure it didn't just happen the day you accepted Jesus. I know pastor's that don't even trust God 100%. They think they know better than Him and manipulate situations to get the outcome they think is right. They preach what the people want to hear instead of the message God wants them to hear. Yes they even preach the truth while they are not living it.
People don't expect a kid from a broken home to grow up and have a healthy marriage without some work, but for some reason they expect their relationship with Christ to be miraculously healthy. I don't lie to God. I tell Him what I think. Shoot, He already knows it. Sometimes He tells me different. Sometimes He lets me fall in a pit until I see what He wants me to learn. Sometimes He corrects me. Sometimes He just lets me stomp my feet. Sometimes He cries with me.
I have a fear of God, but I am not afraid of Him. We are going to get a lot further, a lot faster if I'm honest with Him. Like I said, He already knows the truth. We aren't supposed to judge other people's walks and I think if we would stop doing that it would allow people to be more real and grow faster. When a person says to me, "I have trouble trusting God" all I can say is I get it. I have trouble with it too. You will not hear me telling them that they are supposed to because the Bible says so. They already know that or they wouldn't even consider it an issue. There would be no reason for them to bring it up at all.
I don't believe all God wants us to do is repeat what the Bible says all the time. My ministry is not that anyway. My ministry is to share my experience. You want scriptural truth, it's in your Bible. You want the truth about building a relationship with God, well this is my truth. I yell and scream at Him, because it hurts. This growing and learning and stretching and stepping out of my comfort zone, hurts like Hell and some days, I hate it and I don't want to do it anymore. God already knows that, so me telling Him is not news, it's honesty. There are no lies in this relationship.
Just so you know, usually when I rant and rave at God, His response is either, "I know" or "I love you." And just so you know, some days, I don't want to hear that. The healing it takes to develop a relationship with Christ has to run as deep as the wounds. Cleaning out an old festering wound is painful, don't let anyone tell you differently. It takes time and effort. When I have it all together and our relationship is perfect, I will let you know, but it won't be here on earth.
“Mackenzie, you cannot produce trust, just as you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me.”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
Friday, January 25, 2013
Anger? Or Fear?
"That which is hidden has a greater power of revelation than that which is obvious. It is the digging for truth that opens our heart to it, not merely picking it up off the ground." - Graham Cooke
We all have surface behaviors we want to change that may be challenging. Something as simple as being late all the time or using language we would rather not use, but it has become a habit. Maybe it's the way we eat or the way we spend our time. These are all important, but I believe these are symptoms. For instance, maybe being late all the time is a way to control. Or maybe the way we eat is really a symptom of some inner turmoil that has never been looked at and healed.
I have a strange reaction to a word. Just one word can throw me into a rage, depression, or even "shut down" mode. I hear this word a lot lately and my guts turn. I can't seem to let go and just let God. I want to run from this word and everything it represents. The word? Leader. Yep, not a big word, though it could mean so many things. I have had it used to describe my future and I go into a full out panic when I hear it. My first reaction when somebody says something as simple as "I see you as a leader" is to run. I don't want to be a leader. That's my gut reaction anyway.
I have been praying about this. I told God one night in a conversation about Dave, "He doesn't know who I am. He has these ideas in his head about me being leader." In my heart, immediately, I heard God say, "I know. I put them there." I have been ganged up on. I had to think about this on a deeper level. I had to ask God what He wants me to know about this. When I think about it honestly, I have always been a leader. In my group of friends I always some how stepped out in front and led the group, usually into some kind of trouble, but I have always had a way of talking people into things they weren't even sure they wanted to do.
I had to ask God, "Why do I rage when I hear this?" What is my great fear? I know there is something down deep that is feeding my reaction when I hear the words, "I see leadership in your future." There is a part of me that knows this is true, but there is another part of me that screams "No way!! Do not follow me!!" I would guess that the obvious is fear of failure. I would hate to lead in the wrong direction. But the deep reaction in my gut tells me there is more.
What is a leader? In my mind I immediately think of military. I don't know why. But I see a leader as having responsibility. First you want to know you are leading in the right direction. You also want to be able to encourage people. You need to be a good listener. God, what am I missing here? What is my fear?
God asked me what my biggest regret is. How much time do you have, because I think I have at least one regret for every day on this planet multiplied by at least two. Though many of my regrets are no longer regrets because I see how God has turned them around. I had to think about this and pray about it, until it came to me. The one thing I would change? The one thing I regret more than anything in the world? It happened when I was about 6 or 7 years old. Oh, I realize I was young and it wasn't my fault. I realize I did everything in my power at that age, but I still get sick to my stomach and I can easily see how it still affects my life today. When I was molested, along with another little girl who was much younger, I tried to hide her. I hid in her cupboards, in the hay, under the bed, and several other places, but she was always found. I then sat through watching what he did to her. It was more difficult to live through than what he did to me. This is my weakness. This is why the word "leader" sends me into a rage.
How can God ask me to be leader when I can't protect people? If I look back on some of the biggest angry outbursts in my life they all had to do with protection. When I warn someone of a danger and they choose to ignore that warning, I get angry. I have never understood this. It's their choice, right? As God and I conversed about this, I realized that once I knew people were not going to take my warning seriously, my next move was to "not care". I would try desperately to not care what happened. Even to the point of destroying the relationship. I know this doesn't make sense. If I had a friend standing on the edge of a cliff and I could see the ground beneath them falling away and I warned them repeatedly to step back from the cliff and they refused to listen... my next thoughts are "Fine, I don't care if you fall." I guess this is self protection. Fine, fall off the cliff, I refuse to let it hurt me. I get angry and with everything in me, try not to care. The base of anger is usually fear.
I have always had trouble being around kids. This all makes sense now. Young kids are so vulnerable. Coming from a world of abuse this is all I see when I look at young children and I can't stand it. How do you warn them of the dangers in the world without taking every good thing from them? Then they become teenagers who think they know everything and you can warn them until you are blue in the face and they just march their little immature selves right into the middle of a mess. It makes me crazy. So, I don't get involved with children any more than I have to. I can't protect them all from everything so I stay away.
God has given me an ability to feel other people's feelings. I know this sounds a little crazy, and until recently I had no understanding, but I can pick up on an other's feelings just sitting next to them sometimes. Recently, I woke up one morning and immediately felt a friend's pain. I couldn't stop the tears and I didn't even know what was going on in their life. I only knew who it was and how they felt, not the "why". I finally prayed about it and God actually had me tell them some things, like how much He loved them. It was overwhelming. First because I felt their pain, but also because I could only do so much to protect them. I'm not sure I would call this a gift, it feels more like a burden, but if it helps me to understand and give them the words God wants them to hear I guess I will be okay with it.
I have talked to leaders and to counselors and one of the common frustrations is shared with many parents. When you have lived through an experience and you try to share the knowledge you have acquired from that experience, knowing where your friend or child is about to go, it's frustrating when they refuse to listen. I was one of those parents who was never going to have more than two children, one for each hand. I had nightmares about not being able to protect my kids. I guess this is where we are supposed to trust God. Instead of trying to throw my protective wing over them, I will drag, shove or pray them under His. It's really the only wing big enough anyway. I have a feeling this may be something I battle for a long time.
"I believe that when the Word of God sheds light on an area of need or bondage in our lives, there is always a prescription in the Word of God for what we can do with it." - Beth Moore
We all have surface behaviors we want to change that may be challenging. Something as simple as being late all the time or using language we would rather not use, but it has become a habit. Maybe it's the way we eat or the way we spend our time. These are all important, but I believe these are symptoms. For instance, maybe being late all the time is a way to control. Or maybe the way we eat is really a symptom of some inner turmoil that has never been looked at and healed.
I have a strange reaction to a word. Just one word can throw me into a rage, depression, or even "shut down" mode. I hear this word a lot lately and my guts turn. I can't seem to let go and just let God. I want to run from this word and everything it represents. The word? Leader. Yep, not a big word, though it could mean so many things. I have had it used to describe my future and I go into a full out panic when I hear it. My first reaction when somebody says something as simple as "I see you as a leader" is to run. I don't want to be a leader. That's my gut reaction anyway.
I have been praying about this. I told God one night in a conversation about Dave, "He doesn't know who I am. He has these ideas in his head about me being leader." In my heart, immediately, I heard God say, "I know. I put them there." I have been ganged up on. I had to think about this on a deeper level. I had to ask God what He wants me to know about this. When I think about it honestly, I have always been a leader. In my group of friends I always some how stepped out in front and led the group, usually into some kind of trouble, but I have always had a way of talking people into things they weren't even sure they wanted to do.
I had to ask God, "Why do I rage when I hear this?" What is my great fear? I know there is something down deep that is feeding my reaction when I hear the words, "I see leadership in your future." There is a part of me that knows this is true, but there is another part of me that screams "No way!! Do not follow me!!" I would guess that the obvious is fear of failure. I would hate to lead in the wrong direction. But the deep reaction in my gut tells me there is more.
What is a leader? In my mind I immediately think of military. I don't know why. But I see a leader as having responsibility. First you want to know you are leading in the right direction. You also want to be able to encourage people. You need to be a good listener. God, what am I missing here? What is my fear?
God asked me what my biggest regret is. How much time do you have, because I think I have at least one regret for every day on this planet multiplied by at least two. Though many of my regrets are no longer regrets because I see how God has turned them around. I had to think about this and pray about it, until it came to me. The one thing I would change? The one thing I regret more than anything in the world? It happened when I was about 6 or 7 years old. Oh, I realize I was young and it wasn't my fault. I realize I did everything in my power at that age, but I still get sick to my stomach and I can easily see how it still affects my life today. When I was molested, along with another little girl who was much younger, I tried to hide her. I hid in her cupboards, in the hay, under the bed, and several other places, but she was always found. I then sat through watching what he did to her. It was more difficult to live through than what he did to me. This is my weakness. This is why the word "leader" sends me into a rage.
How can God ask me to be leader when I can't protect people? If I look back on some of the biggest angry outbursts in my life they all had to do with protection. When I warn someone of a danger and they choose to ignore that warning, I get angry. I have never understood this. It's their choice, right? As God and I conversed about this, I realized that once I knew people were not going to take my warning seriously, my next move was to "not care". I would try desperately to not care what happened. Even to the point of destroying the relationship. I know this doesn't make sense. If I had a friend standing on the edge of a cliff and I could see the ground beneath them falling away and I warned them repeatedly to step back from the cliff and they refused to listen... my next thoughts are "Fine, I don't care if you fall." I guess this is self protection. Fine, fall off the cliff, I refuse to let it hurt me. I get angry and with everything in me, try not to care. The base of anger is usually fear.
I have always had trouble being around kids. This all makes sense now. Young kids are so vulnerable. Coming from a world of abuse this is all I see when I look at young children and I can't stand it. How do you warn them of the dangers in the world without taking every good thing from them? Then they become teenagers who think they know everything and you can warn them until you are blue in the face and they just march their little immature selves right into the middle of a mess. It makes me crazy. So, I don't get involved with children any more than I have to. I can't protect them all from everything so I stay away.
God has given me an ability to feel other people's feelings. I know this sounds a little crazy, and until recently I had no understanding, but I can pick up on an other's feelings just sitting next to them sometimes. Recently, I woke up one morning and immediately felt a friend's pain. I couldn't stop the tears and I didn't even know what was going on in their life. I only knew who it was and how they felt, not the "why". I finally prayed about it and God actually had me tell them some things, like how much He loved them. It was overwhelming. First because I felt their pain, but also because I could only do so much to protect them. I'm not sure I would call this a gift, it feels more like a burden, but if it helps me to understand and give them the words God wants them to hear I guess I will be okay with it.
I have talked to leaders and to counselors and one of the common frustrations is shared with many parents. When you have lived through an experience and you try to share the knowledge you have acquired from that experience, knowing where your friend or child is about to go, it's frustrating when they refuse to listen. I was one of those parents who was never going to have more than two children, one for each hand. I had nightmares about not being able to protect my kids. I guess this is where we are supposed to trust God. Instead of trying to throw my protective wing over them, I will drag, shove or pray them under His. It's really the only wing big enough anyway. I have a feeling this may be something I battle for a long time.
"I believe that when the Word of God sheds light on an area of need or bondage in our lives, there is always a prescription in the Word of God for what we can do with it." - Beth Moore
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Holy Smoke?
The most dangerous prayer you can pray in church is "Come Holy Spirit, come." Because when He shows up He goes right for the throat of carnality. Whenever the Holy Spirit moves there is warfare in the church - Graham Cooke.
This quote raises some eyebrows and gets people thinking. First of all I don't believe there is any part of the Holy Spirit that is violent, but I think what Graham is saying is that He is going to go after carnality right where it takes in oxygen and food. It's not how He is going after it as much as where He is going after it. He's going for the jugular. He may very well be trying to kill the old self in us.
In my thinking and conversations this morning the definition of spiritual warfare has taken on many definitions. I had to look at how my definition has changed over the last year. There was a time when I saw Spiritual Warfare as God and Satan facing off with lightning bolts and earthquakes, but now I see it as God calmly focusing on changing and growing and teaching us to love and be more like Him. The warfare comes from the enemy trying to stop the process.
This morning as I looked at this subject, read and talked to God about it, He brought to mind a Tavern, I never dared step foot in for many years. To be honest, I can't remember for sure, because of my drinking days, but I don't think I ever went in that tavern. The tavern was or maybe still is called the Holy Smoke Tavern. It was a church at one time. This just doesn't seem right to me. What God did was use this as an example to me this morning.
The building was made for God and for His glory. But somewhere along the line it fell into the hands of the enemy. As I see it, a drinking establishment is a demonic playground. It's a place where inhibitions are lost, lies are told, marriages are lost, cheating, gambling, and the list goes on and on. People fight about things they don't even really care about. Addictions start, addictions are fed and very rarely die in a bar. It's a place where people go to laugh, forget their problems and find temporary relief from stress. If I had a penny for every time the words, "Just one more" were spoken in just one bar, I think I would smile on my way to the bank. So what would it take for God to take back this building? He would first have to change the atmosphere to be less attractive to the demonic presence that whispers in the ears of the people who gather there.
I had to compare this building built for God's glory to my body, meant to be a temple. I have been told on several occasions that a demon was probably assigned to me from birth, which I don't clearly understand if the enemy doesn't know what God has in His plan for a specific individual. But let's just say that somewhere along the line, the enemy took over as much as I allowed, I guess. Really, we have to sell the building to the person who wants to create a tavern. We choose who we follow. So the enemy started moving his furniture in with abuse, addictions, abandonment and broken family. He filled the building with everything it would take for the atmosphere he wanted to carry out his plan. Make sense?
So it's time for God to step in and take back His temple, by my invitation. First thing He does is throw out the tables and chairs, right? I have to admit that I am facilitating the enemy's atmosphere and throw out the tables and chairs with Him. This takes a little work. So then I have to replace those with pews. Then He says let's get rid of the alcohol. It fuels the bad behavior. Shoot I probably have a bad behavior for every type of alcohol sold in a bar. As the bar owner I sit and sweat in almost a panic as God takes each bottle and dumps it down the drain. What if I change my mind and want to go back to the bar? How can I live without alcohol? So we give Him permission to dump out the rum and the vodka, but we decide to hold onto the whiskey. We replace it with scripture.
I see this as spiritual warfare. One thing at a time, He cleans up our lives starting from the inside and working His way out. When He shows us why and how to dump out the whiskey, then we are able to go to the next person and help them dump theirs. The healthier we get the more warfare we can do outside of our own building. I believe the majority of spiritual warfare occurs in our minds. Basically the closer you get to God and the more dependent you are on Him, the less of a hold the enemy and our flesh has on us. Who are you going to allow to put their furniture in your building.
Just like a church, our bodies are still vulnerable to demonic spirits. I have sensed demonic presence in a church just as much as in a bar. The difference is: In the bar nobody seems to care if they are there and in a church nobody seems to want to admit they are there. Spiritual warfare is basically saying, I know you are here and it's time for you to go.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
This quote raises some eyebrows and gets people thinking. First of all I don't believe there is any part of the Holy Spirit that is violent, but I think what Graham is saying is that He is going to go after carnality right where it takes in oxygen and food. It's not how He is going after it as much as where He is going after it. He's going for the jugular. He may very well be trying to kill the old self in us.
In my thinking and conversations this morning the definition of spiritual warfare has taken on many definitions. I had to look at how my definition has changed over the last year. There was a time when I saw Spiritual Warfare as God and Satan facing off with lightning bolts and earthquakes, but now I see it as God calmly focusing on changing and growing and teaching us to love and be more like Him. The warfare comes from the enemy trying to stop the process.
This morning as I looked at this subject, read and talked to God about it, He brought to mind a Tavern, I never dared step foot in for many years. To be honest, I can't remember for sure, because of my drinking days, but I don't think I ever went in that tavern. The tavern was or maybe still is called the Holy Smoke Tavern. It was a church at one time. This just doesn't seem right to me. What God did was use this as an example to me this morning.
The building was made for God and for His glory. But somewhere along the line it fell into the hands of the enemy. As I see it, a drinking establishment is a demonic playground. It's a place where inhibitions are lost, lies are told, marriages are lost, cheating, gambling, and the list goes on and on. People fight about things they don't even really care about. Addictions start, addictions are fed and very rarely die in a bar. It's a place where people go to laugh, forget their problems and find temporary relief from stress. If I had a penny for every time the words, "Just one more" were spoken in just one bar, I think I would smile on my way to the bank. So what would it take for God to take back this building? He would first have to change the atmosphere to be less attractive to the demonic presence that whispers in the ears of the people who gather there.
I had to compare this building built for God's glory to my body, meant to be a temple. I have been told on several occasions that a demon was probably assigned to me from birth, which I don't clearly understand if the enemy doesn't know what God has in His plan for a specific individual. But let's just say that somewhere along the line, the enemy took over as much as I allowed, I guess. Really, we have to sell the building to the person who wants to create a tavern. We choose who we follow. So the enemy started moving his furniture in with abuse, addictions, abandonment and broken family. He filled the building with everything it would take for the atmosphere he wanted to carry out his plan. Make sense?
So it's time for God to step in and take back His temple, by my invitation. First thing He does is throw out the tables and chairs, right? I have to admit that I am facilitating the enemy's atmosphere and throw out the tables and chairs with Him. This takes a little work. So then I have to replace those with pews. Then He says let's get rid of the alcohol. It fuels the bad behavior. Shoot I probably have a bad behavior for every type of alcohol sold in a bar. As the bar owner I sit and sweat in almost a panic as God takes each bottle and dumps it down the drain. What if I change my mind and want to go back to the bar? How can I live without alcohol? So we give Him permission to dump out the rum and the vodka, but we decide to hold onto the whiskey. We replace it with scripture.
I see this as spiritual warfare. One thing at a time, He cleans up our lives starting from the inside and working His way out. When He shows us why and how to dump out the whiskey, then we are able to go to the next person and help them dump theirs. The healthier we get the more warfare we can do outside of our own building. I believe the majority of spiritual warfare occurs in our minds. Basically the closer you get to God and the more dependent you are on Him, the less of a hold the enemy and our flesh has on us. Who are you going to allow to put their furniture in your building.
Just like a church, our bodies are still vulnerable to demonic spirits. I have sensed demonic presence in a church just as much as in a bar. The difference is: In the bar nobody seems to care if they are there and in a church nobody seems to want to admit they are there. Spiritual warfare is basically saying, I know you are here and it's time for you to go.
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Who Do You Show Love?
Class: Love 101 Lesson #555 Who Do You Show Love?
This is raw. I have an issue with puking. What ever comes to mind I puke out of my mouth without adding brain cells. Sometimes this is a good thing and a lot of times it's bad. I guess that's why I write here because it's my puke bucket. I have put my name on it and it is mine. People don't have to like what's in it, but then again they don't have to look. Ha. Sometimes puking can be painful when you get down to the raw stuff. Sometimes this is more like a confessional and other times it's a process plant. I change my thoughts into beliefs or waste.
I love how God takes different things and brings them together for a lesson. One thing He brought to class today was this picture. Another was a conversation I had with Him. Lastly was an incident at a restaurant. Now all that food for thought has been churning in my stomach and it's time to let it go and get rid of that sick feeling.
Some people are easy to show love. The other night I went for dinner with a friend at a restaurant that hires people with challenges. The "Greeter" at the door was in a wheelchair and also was living with some other challenge. I don't want to say mental because he may have had cerebral palsy and it was really a physical challenge. Several people walk by a person like this and intentionally put extra space between them. Some people nervously smile and keep walking, and then there are people like me who walk up and take his hand and ask him how he is doing. This person is easy to show love to in my little world. Others would be single parents who need a little money for groceries or the occasional homeless person who needs a meal. Also it's easy for me to show love to the person serving my food when they are grumpy or just seem down. Their lives are not just serving people food all day. They have kids and houses and dogs and problems too.
I think we all have a list of those easy to show love to. The homeless if we are not expected to hug their smelly bodies. As though they had a place to shower and would probably like to take one more than we wish they would. Or how about our friends. When they are down or struggling it takes no thought at all to run to their side and help out. Some of us love people like us, some of us love those who have less than us and some of us find it easy to show love to those we consider to be above us and we call that serving, because we feel less than or maybe even think we can get something out of it.
I hate going to the dentist, but I love my dentist. He is one of the most compassionate guys I know or else he fakes it very well. The other day as I sat cringing in the chair (because I hate needles and it takes a lot to get my mouth numb) he said something about the fact that I hate dentists. It struck me. I told him, "I don't hate you. I really like you, but I don't always like what you do to me." I got a pat and a smile and an "I like that. Thank you." I really like how he treats people especially me. Ha.
Around Christmas time we all get warm and fuzzy and it's easier to show love to complete strangers. When things are going exceptionally well, it's easier to show others love. So you add this all up, mood, status, smell etc. etc. and we all have our own list of people who are easy to love and we all have a list of people we find especially challenging to love.
Today God talked to me about what it is like for a pastor. It's easy after a service to jump up and say good sermon on our way out the door. It's easy to pick the sermon apart. What is the life of a pastor like? First of all, they work most weekends, that has to suck. I would guess that most of the time when someone is rushing up to talk to them it is because they need something, advice, direction, to settle an argument, to argue with them about their sermon. I'm guessing here, but I would say there are probably several people who say "nice sermon", but very few who say, "I'm going to give beyond a few words." They get called out in the night for unpleasant things. At least I can't think of any happy reason to wake up a pastor. They advise people who really want help at least until the advice doesn't match up to what they want. People assume they have a "Red Phone" they can pick up any time and ask God for answers. I remember a pastor telling about how somebody brought his family dinner and how messed up he was over it. It brought him to tears. I'm glad I wasn't put on this earth to be a pastor.
So the lesson today is showing love to everyone. Love may not be what we think they need but at times what they really need. There are probably homeless people who would rather have a listening ear or a hug than a meal at times. There are probably wealth people who appear to have it all together who would love for someone to bring them dinner, just because. You can't judge a book by it's cover. You never know what's really going on inside of people or what they are battling every day. I'm very guilty of staying in my own bubble and showing love to those who are easiest for me. To step out of my comfort zone and give where I might get hurt or rejected is a tough one. To love those who have already hurt me is most difficult sometimes, sometimes it's not.
Usually when God talks to me and shows me this stuff it is followed by an opportunity to face what I have learned about myself. Isn't it wonderful to be challenged to grow and learn? (I sensed a little sarcasm there) It's suppose to be, even when it doesn't feel like it. Every challenge is a chance to learn and grow. Step out of the comfort zone they say. So I will be under my bed continuing this conversation with God and trying to find my courage.
I am back. I decided there was more to say because luckily I took my CD player and a Graham Cooke CD under the bed with me and was able to listen to my next lesson in love. As I weigh out the consequences of loving some people and I wonder how I could ever give in to God changing me and allow myself to be vulnerable, I heard Graham share a story. After speaking on agape love and how we are to love everyone, he told of a young girl he had known for years. He had met her family when she was two and watched her grow into a beautiful young woman. This girl was gang raped by four men. The last man to take his turn with her had sores all over one side of his face. When he finished and was buckling his pants, she reached up and touched his face and asked Jesus to heal his sores and the man was healed immediately. The girl died from the rape. The only reason they knew she had asked God to supernaturally heal this man and he was healed, was because he gave his life to Jesus and tells the story. That's all I have to say about love.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Decisions
“I was only able to get over my past when I decided I was going to! As I’ve discovered, that’s how everything starts. I decided to get out of bed this morning. I decided to get ready for work (D’oh! Another early morning). Everything I did today was because I made a decision. Although we can’t set ourselves free, getting up and making a decision to move on from our past is a step in the right direction. We can’t do God’s part, and He won’t do our part. He can’t make that decision for you, because only you can. But once you have made that decision, He can help you with the rest.”
― Corallie Buchanan, Watch Out! Godly Women on the Loose
We have all had to make tough decisions. Sometimes we have friends who know what we are supposed to do, or at least think they do. You have five friends convinced you need to turn left and five friends convinced you are supposed to turn right. They may have even heard it from God. Now what? At this point in my life it's not about easy or difficult, it's not even about want. All I want to do is God's will and most of the time lately that hasn't been too difficult to figure out, but what about the times when He is silent and/or wants to talk about other things?
I have two major decisions tied together actually, that I cannot hear God on. I am torn right down the middle and ready to follow what ever God wants me to do, but He is not telling me what He wants me to do. Decisions suck. First things first, I am trying to push all feelings aside and only focus on His will. Whatever that is. Usually when I tap in to His will I find a peace that I can't even explain. When I go against His will, I know it. It's still like being that kids that took one more cookie wen nobody was looking.
Maybe I am suppose to wait. Maybe I am just supposed to be still at this time and not make a decision, but I am one of those people who like to know where my ducks are. They don't even have to be in a row, I just want to know where they are. This following Him in faith has been extremely rewarding and getting easier lately. (Even when it's difficult) With this decision it's like following Him in a very thick fog and my eyes are playing tricks on me. Safest thing to do in thick fog is sit still. That's what I am going to do. Nothing!!
Or I've also heard, God can't direct you if you're not moving. You can sit in the car and turn the wheel all day but if you are not moving forward, you're not going the right way or the wrong way. Ha. I'm turning away from both things. That's what I am going to do. If God wants me to turn around, I believe He will make this a dead end road.
I'm willing to get out of the boat. I'm more concerned about even being in the right boat.
― Corallie Buchanan, Watch Out! Godly Women on the Loose
We have all had to make tough decisions. Sometimes we have friends who know what we are supposed to do, or at least think they do. You have five friends convinced you need to turn left and five friends convinced you are supposed to turn right. They may have even heard it from God. Now what? At this point in my life it's not about easy or difficult, it's not even about want. All I want to do is God's will and most of the time lately that hasn't been too difficult to figure out, but what about the times when He is silent and/or wants to talk about other things?
I have two major decisions tied together actually, that I cannot hear God on. I am torn right down the middle and ready to follow what ever God wants me to do, but He is not telling me what He wants me to do. Decisions suck. First things first, I am trying to push all feelings aside and only focus on His will. Whatever that is. Usually when I tap in to His will I find a peace that I can't even explain. When I go against His will, I know it. It's still like being that kids that took one more cookie wen nobody was looking.
Maybe I am suppose to wait. Maybe I am just supposed to be still at this time and not make a decision, but I am one of those people who like to know where my ducks are. They don't even have to be in a row, I just want to know where they are. This following Him in faith has been extremely rewarding and getting easier lately. (Even when it's difficult) With this decision it's like following Him in a very thick fog and my eyes are playing tricks on me. Safest thing to do in thick fog is sit still. That's what I am going to do. Nothing!!
Or I've also heard, God can't direct you if you're not moving. You can sit in the car and turn the wheel all day but if you are not moving forward, you're not going the right way or the wrong way. Ha. I'm turning away from both things. That's what I am going to do. If God wants me to turn around, I believe He will make this a dead end road.
I'm willing to get out of the boat. I'm more concerned about even being in the right boat.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Keep it simple
“The author who benefits you most is not the one who tells you something you did not know before, but the one who gives expression to the truth that has been dumbly struggling in you for utterance.”
― Oswald Chambers
“Let the consequences of your obedience be left up to God.”
― Oswald Chambers
― Oswald Chambers
Often times when God teaches me something it's not a huge revelation, but more of a "Duh, that is so simple. Why didn't I get that?" moment. I knew that. Didn't I? Maybe it's moving it from that file drawer in the back of our minds to our hearts where our spiritual blood starts pumping through it and we not only know it, but feel it, breathe it, and it truly becomes part of us. It always happens in God's timing, because that's when we can truly accept it.
Yesterday's lesson for me was about the enemy. He is supernatural and he is able to see things my heart is not trained to see, yet. We have all seen it in movies where the main character is unaware of something and yet the bad guy knows it. The bad guy is working against the good guy, before he even knows what is going on. That's what our enemy does. He can see what God's leading us toward and sometimes before we are even aware, the enemy tries to distract us and get us headed in the wrong direction. An example would be in relationships. Something happens and we are done with a person before we even have a chance to really know them. We pin it to the "Wasn't meant to be" board and forget about it. What if God had something powerful in mind and the enemy on the supernatural level could see what that relationship would do to his world. So he leads us astray and we didn't even know what hit us, or that anything even hit us.
Part of the reason this makes so much sense to me is because of the woman God sent me to help. I couldn't get over the overwhelming fact that God loved her so much He had help coming before she even knew it was needed. God pointed out to me that He does this all the time. Duh. I knew that. Didn't I? He sends encouraging words through another person and sometimes they don't even know the impact their words are having. They are just going through their day, feel led to say something that may or may not seem very important to them, but it changes the course of our lives. God sends these people.
The enemy can use this same means to influence. He causes someone to stumble and in turn they blast an innocent bystander with heavy words and knock them down just as the enemy planned. It's important to know who is influencing us. We have to surrender our minds to God, so that the enemy can't use us. Our mouths are like cannons and we need to make sure they are being aimed in the right direction. Life is a spiritual war and the enemy likes to fool us into fighting for his side and knocking out our own people.
This morning I was praying for one of those "God sent" people who really blessed me yesterday with her words. God was in control. He knew exactly when to send these words of encouragement that they would have the biggest impact on me. As I was thanking Him, He reminded me of the most important time He sent help before I knew it was needed, before I was born. He sent His Son to die on the cross for me before I even sinned. (You too)
Why do I make it so complicated? A friend of mine yesterday was telling me about ministering to a friend and she was afraid she had been too bold. As part of yesterday's lesson, I realize that's why He sent her. Because she is bold. He shapes us and grows us into specific people for specific tasks. When boldness is needed He sends the bold. When gentleness is needed, He sends the gentle. This plan is so much bigger than us and He is shaping us for our specific role.
I see this path through this beautiful garden and a Father taking His child by the hand to lead him or her. As they follow the path and Papa points out different things and explains the details of how and why, this silly little mouse runs across the path in front of them and the child freaks. I am phobic when it comes to mice. So this little harmless creature can throw us completely off the path and distract us from what the Father is showing us, when he really can't hurt us. It is in our minds that we give this mouse (the enemy) the power to change our walk. (Duh. We knew that, didn't we?)
― Oswald Chambers
Monday, January 14, 2013
Whatever God!
“Every source of blessing is a point of attack.”
― David McGee
― David McGee
The enemy has attacked. He has attacked my writing. The one thing I have always done to quiet the wrestling in my spirit so that it could hear the truth is write. It's not to impress anyone or change lives it's just part of me that God put there for a reason. Trying not to write is usually like trying to hold back a sneeze, but the enemy has beaten me lately to a point where it's more of a challenge to write than not to write. Well with these hands that release my spirit clutter, I have a gesture for Satan. There is only one thing I have had a passion for since I was a very young child, only one dream nobody has ever taken from me and I've decided I'm not about to give it up to the enemy. I write for me and I write for God. That's all I have to say about that.
There have been many attacks these past few weeks. I have been in a battle that would be much easier to surrender than to keep fighting. At least that's what I thought. Then God showed up. I have listened to several CD's the last couple days that have really spoken to me. This morning I was listening to a man speak about how some of us meet Jesus in our heads and some with our hearts, but there needs to be a balance. I am a "Head Believer" I get what He wants from me and why, but to internalize it, to feel it, just goes against every survival tool I have sharpened with skill for many years. So I was told to meditate on His word. Meditate on the situation until God speaks. Well it was pretty quiet as I sat there waiting...waiting...waiting like waiting for grass to grow. I knew it would happen, but when God when?
Then I heard Him, "Get in the car. There is something I want to show you." As I threw on clothes and brushed my teeth I went through the usual questioning. "Is this really You God? Am I making this up in my head?" I mean really? Who has heard of Him saying something like "Get in the car"? Well. I had nothing else to do so I went. He first told me to put gas in the car and I argued, "I have a quarter tank", but then gave in and put gas in the car. Then He told me to take money out of the bank. He gave me the dollar amount and I did it. Then I drove and I waited.
I brought the whole CD series I was listening to, not just the one I was on, but for some reason I brought the whole series. I listened and I drove and I drove and I drove in circles, questioning. I knew God was going to have me give the money or buy something for someone and I constantly questioned Him. This person? That person? I was getting a great message from the CD as I drove but I continued to question Him. He did say that the person He was sending me to help would pray over me, specifically the issues I am dealing with lately. The only other things I clearly heard were "I will tell you" and "Be quiet and listen". I saw people along the road in broken down cars, but nothing. I asked about friends I knew could use the help, but still nothing. I continued to drive and listen to the CD and wait.
As I was headed back toward town after an hour of driving I saw approximately the 5th car broken down along the road with the driver looking stressed. As I drove by I asked God, "Is that her?" I very clearly heard "Starbucks" and it was just up the road so I drove there. The instant I entered the parking lot I knew it wasn't there. I drove back toward the lady along side the road and I told God to stop me if this is not right. I heard Him very clearly in my heart say, "Ask her if she knows Jesus." Oh no, don't make me do that. That's too much. I've never done that. I argued as I thought about driving by her without stopping. At the last minute I pulled off behind her car and totally surrendered my will. He told me to give her the money and my CD set and whatever else she needed.
I wasn't even out of the car when the woman stepped from her vehicle obviously relieved that someone had actually stopped. The first thing I noticed was the apron she wore and the "Starbucks" emblem on the front of it. I couldn't help but smile. Confirmation!! This was it. I was right where I was supposed to be. She confirmed she was having car trouble and then asked how far up the road I was going. It took me a minute to push out the words, but I asked, "Do you know Jesus?"
"Oh yes I do. He always shows up when I need Him."
"Well, He sent me to help you so you tell me what you need and I'll do it."
She was late for work. She takes care of an elderly gentleman and needed to get to him. So we loaded her stuff in my messy car and I handed her the CD's and the money. She started to refuse with tears in her eyes which totally choked me up but I explained, this is not from me, this is straight from God. It was a little bit of drive and I knew why God had me put gas in the car. Three different times the woman placed her hands on me and prayed. What blew me away is that she hit on every issue I have been battling lately. I told her the whole story from "Get in the car" to the Starbucks emblem on her apron. She didn't even work there. I was glad the the drive lasted as long as it did and actually could have talked with her longer.
When I drove away I was totally overwhelmed with the whole thing. God came to my house and said "Follow me". I did. He had me on the road preparing to help a woman who had not even broken down yet. I wondered what it was like for her to know that God loved her that much. He sent help before she even knew it was needed. I think about that apron she wore. I will never forget seeing that emblem, it was like Jesus saying to me, "Good job"
This was obviously God moving what I believed in my head down into my heart. Love is an action. I have to focus on that sometimes because I have learned to shut off feelings without even trying. I put love into action today but it definitely moved to my heart, because I instantly cared for this woman. This evening I heard a message on how fear stops us in so many ways. I see that in my fear of missing it. Not hearing God correctly. Driving by when I should be stopping. The joy that comes from being part of God's plan, of having Him use me to help someone in need is so huge, I would have given her my car if He told me to. Obedience walks hand in hand with the Wonder. Whatever God, whatever You want. I just don't want to miss a thing. I want every single thing You have to give me.
“To truly try means to accept God's love, his healing, to accept the world can be ugly, but your heart doesn't have to be. It takes courage, Finley the warrior. You haven't held on to your anger and bitterness in search of healing, but as a banner of your hurt. Because it's real and visible and strong, " she said. "But so is God's love and so are those arms he's holding out for you.”
― Jenny B. Jones, There You'll Find Me
As I was headed back toward town after an hour of driving I saw approximately the 5th car broken down along the road with the driver looking stressed. As I drove by I asked God, "Is that her?" I very clearly heard "Starbucks" and it was just up the road so I drove there. The instant I entered the parking lot I knew it wasn't there. I drove back toward the lady along side the road and I told God to stop me if this is not right. I heard Him very clearly in my heart say, "Ask her if she knows Jesus." Oh no, don't make me do that. That's too much. I've never done that. I argued as I thought about driving by her without stopping. At the last minute I pulled off behind her car and totally surrendered my will. He told me to give her the money and my CD set and whatever else she needed.
I wasn't even out of the car when the woman stepped from her vehicle obviously relieved that someone had actually stopped. The first thing I noticed was the apron she wore and the "Starbucks" emblem on the front of it. I couldn't help but smile. Confirmation!! This was it. I was right where I was supposed to be. She confirmed she was having car trouble and then asked how far up the road I was going. It took me a minute to push out the words, but I asked, "Do you know Jesus?"
"Oh yes I do. He always shows up when I need Him."
"Well, He sent me to help you so you tell me what you need and I'll do it."
She was late for work. She takes care of an elderly gentleman and needed to get to him. So we loaded her stuff in my messy car and I handed her the CD's and the money. She started to refuse with tears in her eyes which totally choked me up but I explained, this is not from me, this is straight from God. It was a little bit of drive and I knew why God had me put gas in the car. Three different times the woman placed her hands on me and prayed. What blew me away is that she hit on every issue I have been battling lately. I told her the whole story from "Get in the car" to the Starbucks emblem on her apron. She didn't even work there. I was glad the the drive lasted as long as it did and actually could have talked with her longer.
When I drove away I was totally overwhelmed with the whole thing. God came to my house and said "Follow me". I did. He had me on the road preparing to help a woman who had not even broken down yet. I wondered what it was like for her to know that God loved her that much. He sent help before she even knew it was needed. I think about that apron she wore. I will never forget seeing that emblem, it was like Jesus saying to me, "Good job"
This was obviously God moving what I believed in my head down into my heart. Love is an action. I have to focus on that sometimes because I have learned to shut off feelings without even trying. I put love into action today but it definitely moved to my heart, because I instantly cared for this woman. This evening I heard a message on how fear stops us in so many ways. I see that in my fear of missing it. Not hearing God correctly. Driving by when I should be stopping. The joy that comes from being part of God's plan, of having Him use me to help someone in need is so huge, I would have given her my car if He told me to. Obedience walks hand in hand with the Wonder. Whatever God, whatever You want. I just don't want to miss a thing. I want every single thing You have to give me.
“To truly try means to accept God's love, his healing, to accept the world can be ugly, but your heart doesn't have to be. It takes courage, Finley the warrior. You haven't held on to your anger and bitterness in search of healing, but as a banner of your hurt. Because it's real and visible and strong, " she said. "But so is God's love and so are those arms he's holding out for you.”
― Jenny B. Jones, There You'll Find Me
Friday, January 4, 2013
You can't fight what you don't acknowledge.
“A faith that does not result in activity of any kind is a dead faith; it is empty, worthless, insincere.”
― Derek Prince
“We are the decisive factor in the affairs of the universe.”
― Derek Prince
― Derek Prince
The fear of Satan, the fear of knowing more about Satan is planted by Satan himself. I'm angry. I'm so angry right now, this may come across as ranting but it is all truth and though we have heard it a million times, do we really understand? THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE. The truth about Satan, his legion of demonic angels and his lies need to be addressed. He is a liar and he hates us and he wants to steal from us all that God wants us to have. He wants to kill us and anything in us that wants to live for Christ. He wants to destroy God's kingdom and everything in it, about it, and what it stands for.
What makes me angry is when people minimize his power. He has every bit of power we hand over to him and denying his existence or his hatred for us gives him power. Satan is real. I have watched him torment people who refuse to acknowledge that he would waste his time on them. Alcoholism is from the enemy. Abuse is from the enemy. God is allowing me to see things I have never seen before and if you have your finger pointing at someone else for their behavior there are two things you need to look at. How much of their behavior is influenced by Satan and what part of your own behavior is influenced by the enemy. He wants to keep us focused on others so we don't see what he is doing to us. It's time to acknowledge his existence and hatred of the human race, so that we take back the authority we are given as children of the most high God, our Father, Abba and shake loose his grip on our fellow believers and the lost.
If you think you are above being touched by an enemy spirit, think again. I have been set free from the demonic presence in my house only to have it return when I relaxed. I sat in church, IN CHURCH, last weekend, talking with a friend who did not seem herself. She spoke to me in a different tone and with a different expression than I have ever seen on her. During our conversation I suddenly smelled her breath and then like a forced wind her breath entered my mouth and I could not only smell it, but taste it. I was forced to gasp for air.
It was on the way home that God brought this back to my attention. I asked Him what that was and He told me a spirit left her and entered me. I asked Him what kind of spirit? He said it was a "Crushing spirit of self doubt". Of course my next question was why He allowed that to happen, but I ignored His answer, "Because you know what to do". I doubted it. I was beginning to doubt everything and only because God told me what kind of spirit it was did I realize what was happening and reach out for help.
I was in a full panic by the time I got home and sent a message to three friends asking what I was to do. I tried praying it off, I tried worship, but it wouldn't go. Two of those friends drove to my house immediately and we prayed and they cast it off me. I felt it go. I feel it trying to come back. In conversation with God since then, I see why He showed me this and I see why He allowed it to happen. I am aware of them. I am aware of their presence and that is half the battle. The spirit of doubt is huge. It keeps our butts duct taped to our couches not doing anything for God. Listening to the words spoken by others, even when with good intentions filters our ears from hearing what God has asked us to do. We have to believe what God tells us to do and not let the enemy or others bring any doubt to us.
God gave us the Holy Spirit to guide us. In order for Him to guide us we have to hear Him. Any doubt that we can hear Him speak to us is from the enemy. He doesn't want us listening. Any doubt that we have authority to heal, cast out demons, speak prophecy and in tongue are given to us by the enemy. He does not want us taking the authority we already have and doing damage to his plan. It's time to stand up and follow God's plan. It for one minute we could see all bondage created by the enemy as actual duct tape, I believe very few people, if any would not have one piece on them. It's easier to spot a lie, than enemy fed doubt.
I heard a friend say today and I think we all need to know, that salvation is being saved, but we need to get delivered and to help others find that same deliverance, before Satan wins one more battle. God will win the war with Satan, He already has. But I think He is waiting to see which of us sit back on our Salvation laurels and who puts on their armor and fights for what we say we believe.
― Derek Prince
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
I'm here or RUN?
“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.”
― John C. Maxwell
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yesterday a group of seven women got together to start out the New Year with breakfast and prayer. I think we were there about five hours. Each one of us was given time to stand in the center of the circle of friends and be prayed over. Doors were opened, walls fell, and a lot of tears too. We talked about how equal we felt. It's like we take turns leading as the weariest move to the back to be protected as they regain their strength.
This morning one woman is on my mind. She is the shortest in the group. She FEELS like she is the shortest in the group if that makes sense. Sometimes she can't see what's going on. We even joked yesterday about me lifting her up so she could see in the mirror. This morning God showed me the David in her. Often times when we hear the story of David and Goliath we question what we would do in David's shoes.
This morning, God is talking about the importance of encouragement. Let's be honest here, would we help David find the perfect stones? Would we say something like, "Run home, get under your bed, I will cover you." I have thought a lot about this this morning. A short time ago I would have told him to get under his bed. I may at times take risks, but I don't encourage people I don't want to lose to take risks. Today, I would encourage him to listen to God. If God says find stones then I will help you find those stones, but if He tells you to hide under your bed, I will distract the enemy until you get there. Well, unless He tells me to stay out of it all together.
Part of becoming more like Christ means to see ourselves and others through His eyes. When God tells us to step up and step out there is nothing like having a fellow believer, a friend's eyes light up and say, "Where are you going to look for stones? I believe in you and I believe you will defeat this giant." God chose you for a reason, He sees what you can't. Our mirrors should be the eyes of Jesus.
― John C. Maxwell
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
From the Prison to the Cross
Lord help me to share Your words. Guide my tongue that I do not speak words for You that are not Yours. Remove anything from me that is not of You. Remove all spirits of selfishness, pride and deception when I speak. Guide me in sharing You, the Truth. In Jesus Name Amen.
Jesus asked me to share His words spoken to me.
I have asked you to take a journey. It is a journey taken in the flesh, guided by the Spirit. I have taken this journey. It is from the prison to the cross. I know the road under your feet. I have felt the thorns that pierce your flesh. I feel the burning as the blood flows on your skin. I know the weight of the cross you carry. I know the fleshes desire to release the cross and be taken home, but there is a spirit in you leading you onward. This cross was chosen for you to bear. I know the rejection you feel from others and the cry of your heart as you speak the Truth and weep for those who don't believe. As the nails are being driven through your flesh, remember to forgive them for they know not what they do. I will never leave you to walk alone. I am with you. My kingdom grows from your obedience. You are My beloved.
Lord these are Your words and I thank You for blessing every ear that hears. I totally surrender without fear to follow You in obedience. Change lives with this post. Thank You for this beautiful way to start a new year with You. Bless every follower who reads this and Lord turn those who are only fans into blessed followers. In Jesus name Amen.
Jesus asked me to share His words spoken to me.
I have asked you to take a journey. It is a journey taken in the flesh, guided by the Spirit. I have taken this journey. It is from the prison to the cross. I know the road under your feet. I have felt the thorns that pierce your flesh. I feel the burning as the blood flows on your skin. I know the weight of the cross you carry. I know the fleshes desire to release the cross and be taken home, but there is a spirit in you leading you onward. This cross was chosen for you to bear. I know the rejection you feel from others and the cry of your heart as you speak the Truth and weep for those who don't believe. As the nails are being driven through your flesh, remember to forgive them for they know not what they do. I will never leave you to walk alone. I am with you. My kingdom grows from your obedience. You are My beloved.
Lord these are Your words and I thank You for blessing every ear that hears. I totally surrender without fear to follow You in obedience. Change lives with this post. Thank You for this beautiful way to start a new year with You. Bless every follower who reads this and Lord turn those who are only fans into blessed followers. In Jesus name Amen.
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