Ministry of Hints

 Matthew 18:15

“If your brother or sister[a] sins,[b] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.


     This is a powerful verse.  This is also a verse that most want to ignore.  Some of us jump at the chance to confront and use this verse to do it whether we are wrong or right.  I think a lot of us are the opposite and we don't like confrontation so we hint.  There are many reasons we hint instead of sitting down with the person who has hurt us.
     One of the reasons is doubt.  What if we are wrong?  What if they won't listen?  What if they don't agree that they have sinned against us?  So we decide to do nothing and then we hint.  Hinting is a form of manipulation and that just may be why God doesn't tell us to use it as a form of settling disputes.  If everybody hinted instead of sitting down and talking about it, we would all live in constant fear that the person speaking was talking to us and we would be self checking until we are mad.  (angry or crazy)
      Sometimes we tell someone something about another for a variety of false reasons (concern, protection, prayer request) when our true motive is because we know they will pass it on and it will get to the person we want to hear it.  We convince ourselves that we are doing the right thing.  This is why God says, "just between the two of you".  Dragging others into it can cause huge misunderstandings and damage even more relationships.  We do this to protect ourselves when we believe another may be speaking badly against us.  We are not to defend ourselves, but trust God to reveal the truth.  Sometimes we don't want the truth revealed because we may have to look at our part in the dispute.
     Hinting is not trusting.  We hint when we think somebody is not listening to us.  When we feel we are not being heard and we really want somebody to get OUR message.  But is it God's message?  If God wants somebody to know something He will put it before them.  It is not our job to tell people what we want them to hear.  Sometimes God will use us to give words to another, but usually it is not a situation we are involved in.  Make sense?  I strongly doubt that if a person sins against me God is going to send me to yell "repent" at them.  If they truly need to repent, I believe God will get the message to them in a way that they will listen.  The wrong messenger can silence the message.
     We have to constantly check our motives, especially in this day and age when there are so many ways to communicate.  If there is any question maybe keeping our mouth shut is the way to go.  Are we saying a verse to encourage someone?  Are we posting something on facebook so somebody will be convicted?  Are we blogging out of anger?  Is that anger justified.  Is it God's message or yours? 
     Sometimes the best way to decide if the message is yours or God's is to ask yourself how you would feel if you were the one receiving it.  Is it the truth.  God's truth?  I hate being hinted at.  I had a boss once who never had the strength to say what they wanted.  They hinted all the time.  I'm not saying I was right, but all it did was make me do the opposite.  I am a "Put it all on the table" kind of person.  I want it all laid out in front of me.  I may still fight it for awhile, but you have a lot better chance of being heard by me if you say it straight to me.  Then I have the choice of accepting or rejecting without any wonder of your true meaning and intentions.  I would guess most of us feel the same. 
     If an interaction between two people is misunderstood and then you pile hints on top of it, the chances of more hurt and damage are much greater.  Assumption is also a huge part of this mess.  Defending yourself against what you assume is a hint can make an even bigger mess.  We also assume someone who is unwilling to defend themselves is automatically guilty.  Not always true.  Maybe they are trusting God to reveal the truth. 
     Recently, I have been able to sit back and watch how people react to sin.  I wasn't involved in the actual sin and was very disappointed in how it was all resolved.  There was a lot of hinting and false accusation and choosing sides.  One person got all the support, while the other was completely ignored.  This was the new Christian who was taken advantage of by a supposedly more mature Christian.  Amazingly she is still seeking God, though her understanding of God is peppered with confusing messages from the person who hurt her.  Not one person stepped up and asked her if there was anything they could do to help her.  Why?  Because they saw her as a bad person?  Because she wasn't a member of their church, even though the person who hurt her is?   Maybe I'm wrong, but if a church is supposed to be a family and a family member makes a mistake and hurts someone, shouldn't the family step up to help that person?  She doesn't belong to a church and has only a couple Christian friends.  They could have offered support in getting her connected. 
     Maybe I have got off track here, but I guess what God is really showing me is about stepping up.  Stepping outside of our comfort zone for the sake of others.  We are so worried about how we look to others instead of how we look to God.  Seriously, I believe God wants us to be bold.  I would rather step out boldly and be wrong then hunker down in fear, even though I have chosen that route most of my life.  If you step out boldly with your jaw flapping and find out your wrong, then you step out boldly with your jaw flapping and correct it with honesty, apology and transparency.  That is the kind of person I want to listen to, so that should be the kind of person I am.

“Brother and Sister So & So are not your standard; Jesus is.”
― Joyce Meyer