Give it up and Follow

“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you've made, if they don't realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

     Nothing changes until you change it.  I made a friend of mine angry a while back and she shouted at me, "If you are so miserable then leave."  If I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase in my life.  I'm supposed to be trying something different.  I'm supposed to be trying this new thing called trust when you feel like running but stay and make it work.  This doesn't apply to all things in our lives.

     What God has shown me is that He wants me totally dependent on Him first.  I am to trust Him.  Leave everything to follow?  Whoa.  I did that once with a man from Texas and I'm still paying for it.  Ha.  Leave everything?  Give up everything?  Wait?  What is everything?  I have nothing.  God has removed one thing at a time from my life and the two things I am still clinging to are the two things that are holding me back, so I let go.

     I am totally dependent on God whether I want to be or not.  I have been here before, no job, no home, nothing.  The feeling was different then.  I had to constantly remind myself to let go, give it back to God, and give it back to Him again.  This time I am almost what I would call excited.  Over a year ago I locked myself in my room with only God and an outside email line to Dave in case God failed or should I say, I failed to hear God or just didn't want to hear what He was saying.  This time it is me and God and I know He has a plan.  He has been waiting for me to get to this place.  I am seeking Him on a whole new level.  Life is never going to be the same and I'm saying it's about time.

     God told me this morning that He was going to show me love today.  I often miss it when He does this, because it's not the love I was looking for.  I was stressed out and planning to have a very difficult conversation next Monday, but God showed love today in opening the door today for that conversation and it went very well.  When I got home and the enemy started playing with my brain, He showed me more love when friends asked me to dinner.  They had some of the answers I have been looking for.  I have a peace tonight.  I have a security in God's love and a trust that He has a plan and all I have to do is obey.  He doesn't want us miserable.  We have crosses to carry, but He never wants us nailed to them.  He already did that.

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
― Eckhart Tolle