God has shown me recently a picture of my relationships at this time. He used a wheel as the diagram. I am the hub or whatever it's called and each of my relationships/friendships is a spoke. Together they give me stability and they are the strength that carries me. I have mother figures, sisters, brothers, friends, leaders, etc. etc. To the outside world it all may look the same but I know each is unique with their own special purpose in my life.
It was December 20, a Thursday when I followed a friend into a coffee shop for a visit. This friends role in my life is very important. Even though we are two grown women sitting at a table having an adult conversation, the strongest part of our bond is the little girls in us. We were both abused and God has used that to create something special. We get it. Sometimes I am saying it to her and other times she is saying it to me, but we always "get it". We talked about stuff that believers who are trying to grow into God's image talk about. We laughed, there were tears. Then it happened, her little girl showed up with all the excitement of any child with a great idea. Oh oh. She is brave and I am not and I feared what she was about to say.
"For one twenty four hour period let's do whatever God tells us."
When I finally sucked in air, I actually thought about it. Hmm. Why not. Her little girls excitement rubbed off on me and I said we should do it through the end of January. We decided to journal our daily experiences and meet for breakfast every Monday through January to share our journals. The minute I left God spoke. I had read a book that really touched me months earlier and He told me to go buy copies of the book and He would give me the names of the women I was to give them to. He told me to buy all the copies they had, but I put a limit of five on it even though there were eleven available. Well, as God gave me names and I began to hand them out, I realized He was giving me more names than I had books and so far I have purchased a total of 12. This book is speaking to people. It has gotten to the point that each day I follow Him like a small child following their mother through a grocery store. Even if I am not always listening and tend to get distracted, I have one eye on Him and it is changing my life. I have spoken words to people I would never speak, I have prayed for people in the car next to me, I have given money and time and dedication and instead of feeling like I need a break and time to myself, I want more.
He has been with me every step of the way. We laugh, we cry, we pray and sometimes we just sit in the silence and wonder of it all. I feel like the Grinch and my heart is growing. He is messing me up. At first I was afraid of pride. I prayed several times for protection from pride, that I would not take credit for what He is asking me to do. Then I became fixed on the way He was working through me and how He was changing me, but now I am totally blown away by how much He loves us. I have been blessed beyond measure. I feel closer to Him than I ever have. I want to learn more about healing, casting out demons, and sacrifice, but it has nothing to do with the acts themselves, it's about Papa showing up. It's about Him loving His children through blessings.
It's been a wild ride the last few days and I look forward to the days to come. And of course today the enemy attacked with a vengeance, but I knew what to do and I called a friend. We talked for a while and then she asked to pray for me. Her prayer was amazing, It brought us both to tears. It was all about His love. Then I heard Him say "God's Speed." I didn't understand what that was about and He knew it, so He explained, "Follow Me at My speed and the enemy won't be able to catch up". I started laughing. Who ever thought following God could be boring?
Matthew 18:3 says “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." I believe we are to obey as little children. While I was talking to my friend who prayed over me, her little girl was chewing out another child for closing a door. She knew the rules that her parents set for their house and was very upset they weren't being followed. We should be more upset with ourselves when we aren't obeying, but we shrug it off and promise to do it later. Like a small child who rushes to obey their parent's for no other reason than to see the smile of approval and pleasure on their faces, we should be that focused on obeying our Father. We should want to please Him, because it is a huge blessing to us. Not that we should expect blessings, even though He does choose to give us a special blessing at times for obeying. It's what it changes in the heart that is the true blessing.
To choose disobedience stunts our growth. It puts a wall between us and our Father. It stops blessings. It's like stepping out from under the protection of an umbrella in a downpour. The enemy lies and convinces us that we are too strong to need constant guidance. Who wants to be a robot? I don't feel like a robot. He didn't tell me what to wear, what to eat, where to go, etc. He told me how to bless. He told me how to show his love to another. I have no idea what any of those women will get out of that book, but I know God does. He knows every single thing about them. He knows every word in that book. He will bring them together and He will bless them. He will show them His Love. That, right there, is what makes me want to obey.
You go girl! Love Donna
ReplyDelete