“Why can’t the world hear? I ask myself. Within a few moments I ask it many times. Because it doesn’t care, I finally answer, and I know I’m right. It’s like I’ve been chosen. But chosen for what? I ask.”
― Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger
God has been whispering, "It's almost over." My question, "What's almost over?" I have so much stuff going on that could be over. Today I believe I know what he was talking about and I thank Him it is finally over.
On the same subject of enabling the enemy, He brought to mind a few memories today. One occurred when I was still in my teens, I believe. My brother lived in a group home for mentally challenged adults, operated by an older couple. I had stopped by the home with my mom and met the man for the first time. As they talked I felt a familiar darkness. I had no proof, except what I would have called instinct at that time and discernment today, but I told her, "Get him out of there." She flashed me an irritated look, but confirmed my suspicion when she said my sister had said the same thing when she met him. I knew there was something downright evil in that house. Within maybe a couple months a call came in the middle of the night. Mom had to go pick him up because they were closing the home. The man was being arrested for raping the girls/women and abusing my brother for trying to call the police. I felt a little less crazy that day. How do you explain to people who don't have discernment, how you know what you know when you don't understand yourself.
That same brother was smarter than they gave him credit for. He would do things such as start mowing the lawn and then not want to finish. As Mom made me do it, he stood behind her and grinned, knowing he was getting away with it. She never believed me. This caused a lot of problems on top of all the problems I already had. Talk about feeling like I am never heard.
There is also the fact that my parents chose to stay friends with one of the men who abused me. There were times I came home to him and his wife having a beer or dinner with my parents. It was very uncomfortable and it wasn't until I found God that I spoke up about it when a picture of a few couples, including my abuser was pasted on my mom's fridge. Why am I subjected to this? Her reply, "Because it's just too uncomfortable to end the friendship." It was one of the moments when there was nothing to say. What do you say to that? My comfort wasn't an issue obviously.
When you report abuse to a parent, you expect results. Well... I used to. People just don't like truth, even if it is killing someone else, they will avoid it. When you share truth, you have to realize there is a chance you will lose the relationship you have with the person who does not want to hear it. Like telling your spouse you are having an affair, truth they don't want to hear and great risk of losing the relationship.
I shared some truth recently and tonight realize the relationship is lost. It is what was almost over. It is over. I can't go into detail about what I shared, but I would compare it to telling a friend his business partner or even spouse was cheating. It seems so obvious to me and others. A lot of people have abandoned their friendships with this man because they can't stand watching what is happening to him. Deception is powerful. Who wants to hear they are being lied to? Shoot the messenger. The funny thing is this man has had an affair in his past and he knows about deception. Why he doesn't believe he can be deceived is beyond me.
The way I see it, is I would be more likely to end a friendship if my so called friend did not tell me I was being deceived. Apparently he does not feel the same. I asked God on the way home tonight, why? Why have I had so many instances of not being believed? He said it is part of having discernment, but it is mostly the enemy's plan.
Let's say my best friend's husband was having an affair. He grooms her. If he knows that I know and suspects I might tell, he discredits me. Then my triggered rage makes it worse because who believes a screaming lunatic. It is really hard seeing people deceived. It breaks my heart when they don't want to see it, refuse to see it. It ticks me off royally when they see it and do nothing. So God, what now? I feel done. There is nothing left to say.
He talked to me about the deception in the last days. He talked to me about false teachers, false Christians and the leviathan spirit. He reminded me of a conversation I had a few months ago with a Christian mentor. I asked, "Why would God put me through this, telling this man the truth, if God knew he was not going to listen?" He said, "One day he will stand before God and say he didn't know, but God will say I sent so and so and so and so." I pray he wakes up before he stands before God.
It feels good to be done. I feel relief. This subject, this friendship is closed. When God asks I will pray, but that is all I can do. I understand. Who wants to be deceived. The enemy may be smiling behind my friends back, but God is smiling behind his. I will go finish writing my book and exposing more lies. What God does with it, is not my concern.
“She let herself love me for three minutes.
Can three minutes last forever? I ask myself, but already know the answer.
Probably not, I reply. But maybe they last long enough.”
― Markus Zusak, I Am the Messenger
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