― C.S. Lewis
We hear it all the time that the truth will set us free and it does, but it has to be God's truth. It has become clear to me that I am being prepared these days for a spiritual battle. A warrior does not fight without the proper training. The enemy is Satan and I have been trained to see how he fights against me. His demons can be tricky when they imitate my fellow soldiers. But I have now been trained to see there are even those who claim to be my fellow soldiers though they allow the enemy to guide their step. The truth they so desperately believe I need to see is their truth, truth that will benefit them instead of bring Glory to God. I thank Him for surrounding me at this time with strong believers.
I am being trained by an excellent marksman to throw my spear or should I say pen with absolute accuracy. My words need to be placed with precision to take back ground long ago taken by the enemy. God's truth is the ultimate weapon.
It was approximately one year ago that I began writing my story. When I had finished writing about the abuse I went through, I stopped writing. I continued to learn by reading, watching videos and corresponding with Dave, but the pen was too heavy to pick up again. Then one day in conversation with God, He said to me, "You have written of the days when the enemy ruled your life, the time has come to write about the battle between my good and his evil. Eventually you will write the happy ending when you find victory in Me." I began to write again. The battle was just as painful to write about as I had to face my mistakes, my bad choices. But I could clearly see the battle like I had not seen it before. I would take a step forward and the enemy would knock me down. Jesus would pick me up, dust me off, straighten my breastplate of righteousness and send me back out. But I did not see it that way until I wrote about it.
Now we have come to the place where I write about God's Glory. My victory in Him is the most important part of my story. I have to write it with truth and accuracy. He is showing me that this is not even my story. It is His.
Since I told my story publicly I have been in complete awe of what He is doing. The men and women stepping out of the darkness and saying "I need help" is overwhelming. I don't know who they are and I don't know all their stories, but my fellow soldiers keep hollering out, "Got one... Hey, another one over here...Somebody is reaching out right now... Got to go, broken lady calling." Every time I hear of another one I grow stronger. Thank you, God.
The other day a woman reached out to me and shared a little of her battle. I got angry at the attack she was under from the enemy and soon found my self enraged at his tactics. Then I realized I was focusing on the enemy instead of what Christ is doing. Once I did that He showed up in a big way.
There is a song I'm not even sure can be classified as a believer's song, but it has a very heavy beat and I love to listen to it and picture thousands of angels marching into battle. With the beat they pound their staffs to the ground and the sound alone scares off enemy demons. I sat out on my second story deck and put in my ear buds to hear the song even clearer as I pictured the angels in my mind. Shortly after the song began, I saw a cloud, a perfectly shaped cloud in my front yard at about power line level. I was sure my eyes were playing tricks on me. I laughed as I tried to adjust my eyes, but the more I tried the more I felt God's presence and He was laughing at my disbelief. He loves to show up big in our lives and bless us beyond belief. Just like any daddy on Christmas morning when his son opens the gift he never believed he would receive I felt Him stand back and watch me with a smile on His face. As I finally decided I was losing my mind, the song came to an end and the cloud evaporated. That's when I knew it was Him.
I began searching online for the meaning. What is the symbolism of a cloud? Nothing I read stood out to me. Repeatedly I came across Job 26:9. He covers the face of the full moon, spreading his clouds over it. This was not what happened, so I kept searching. I finally gave up, accepting the fact that God just wanted to show up big. Later I went back outside and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the moon. It was big and bright. Then I noticed a large dark cloud racing across the sky like clouds sometimes do and I laughed. I knew it was going to pass in front of the moon and I felt like God was saying "Watch this" We have too much fun. He loves to blow our minds, but I realized that even bigger when the cloud stopped right in front of the moon. I froze. I couldn't even sort my thoughts. Was I really seeing this? The moon was shining around the border of the cloud and resembled a silver lining cloud like I had seen once as a teenager. I sat for several minutes staring at it, not sure what to think. I decided it was between me and God and too much for anyone else to believe so I would not share my experience. I went to bed asking God why He chose me to see this. What was I supposed to do with it?
The next morning before I was fully awake, God started speaking to my heart. Already knowing that He has asked me to speak out about abuse beyond the norm, that I am to speak in more detail than people are used to hearing. The devil is in the details and he needs to be exposed. He explained to me that for years when I spoke of the abuse I stopped after the first couple incidents, because I felt, "Who would believe it? Who would believe that so many bad things can happen to one person." He said to me that morning, "As much as you believed I wasn't with you for so many years, I am going to show you I am here. I chose you to speak beyond what people are comfortable with. I chose you because you will speak out about the depths of abuse and the enemy's tactics and you will speak out about the depths of my love for my people." I walked around in a "cloud" all day. Why me? I'm not worthy. His reply, "You are chosen."
I began to see how God has placed specific people in my life to help me understand the importance of not only speaking out, but speaking the truth, all of the truth with accuracy and focus on Him, all of Him. He is a HUGE God and we cannot put Him in a box so that we are comfortable with who we believe He is. Instead of being frightened by how big and good He is, we should be overwhelmed by His love for us and by His desire for us to come to Him in complete surrender, letting go of our human beliefs and know that He is supernaturally HUGE and in deep compassionate LOVE with us. The Love and acceptance we all crave deep down in that secret place in our heart that we are even afraid to admit we want, is available and all we have to do is receive it. I believe God is about to BUST His way out of the box so many of us have put Him in. He is about to show us how big He truly is and the enemy is stepping up the intensity of the battle hoping to take us down before the true shining Glory of God totally blows us away!!
“The sin underneath all our sins is to trust the lie of the serpent that we cannot trust the love and grace of Christ and must take matters into our own hands”
― Martin Luther
I am being trained by an excellent marksman to throw my spear or should I say pen with absolute accuracy. My words need to be placed with precision to take back ground long ago taken by the enemy. God's truth is the ultimate weapon.
It was approximately one year ago that I began writing my story. When I had finished writing about the abuse I went through, I stopped writing. I continued to learn by reading, watching videos and corresponding with Dave, but the pen was too heavy to pick up again. Then one day in conversation with God, He said to me, "You have written of the days when the enemy ruled your life, the time has come to write about the battle between my good and his evil. Eventually you will write the happy ending when you find victory in Me." I began to write again. The battle was just as painful to write about as I had to face my mistakes, my bad choices. But I could clearly see the battle like I had not seen it before. I would take a step forward and the enemy would knock me down. Jesus would pick me up, dust me off, straighten my breastplate of righteousness and send me back out. But I did not see it that way until I wrote about it.
Now we have come to the place where I write about God's Glory. My victory in Him is the most important part of my story. I have to write it with truth and accuracy. He is showing me that this is not even my story. It is His.
Since I told my story publicly I have been in complete awe of what He is doing. The men and women stepping out of the darkness and saying "I need help" is overwhelming. I don't know who they are and I don't know all their stories, but my fellow soldiers keep hollering out, "Got one... Hey, another one over here...Somebody is reaching out right now... Got to go, broken lady calling." Every time I hear of another one I grow stronger. Thank you, God.
The other day a woman reached out to me and shared a little of her battle. I got angry at the attack she was under from the enemy and soon found my self enraged at his tactics. Then I realized I was focusing on the enemy instead of what Christ is doing. Once I did that He showed up in a big way.
There is a song I'm not even sure can be classified as a believer's song, but it has a very heavy beat and I love to listen to it and picture thousands of angels marching into battle. With the beat they pound their staffs to the ground and the sound alone scares off enemy demons. I sat out on my second story deck and put in my ear buds to hear the song even clearer as I pictured the angels in my mind. Shortly after the song began, I saw a cloud, a perfectly shaped cloud in my front yard at about power line level. I was sure my eyes were playing tricks on me. I laughed as I tried to adjust my eyes, but the more I tried the more I felt God's presence and He was laughing at my disbelief. He loves to show up big in our lives and bless us beyond belief. Just like any daddy on Christmas morning when his son opens the gift he never believed he would receive I felt Him stand back and watch me with a smile on His face. As I finally decided I was losing my mind, the song came to an end and the cloud evaporated. That's when I knew it was Him.
I began searching online for the meaning. What is the symbolism of a cloud? Nothing I read stood out to me. Repeatedly I came across Job 26:9. He covers the face of the full moon, spreading his clouds over it. This was not what happened, so I kept searching. I finally gave up, accepting the fact that God just wanted to show up big. Later I went back outside and was overwhelmed by the beauty of the moon. It was big and bright. Then I noticed a large dark cloud racing across the sky like clouds sometimes do and I laughed. I knew it was going to pass in front of the moon and I felt like God was saying "Watch this" We have too much fun. He loves to blow our minds, but I realized that even bigger when the cloud stopped right in front of the moon. I froze. I couldn't even sort my thoughts. Was I really seeing this? The moon was shining around the border of the cloud and resembled a silver lining cloud like I had seen once as a teenager. I sat for several minutes staring at it, not sure what to think. I decided it was between me and God and too much for anyone else to believe so I would not share my experience. I went to bed asking God why He chose me to see this. What was I supposed to do with it?
The next morning before I was fully awake, God started speaking to my heart. Already knowing that He has asked me to speak out about abuse beyond the norm, that I am to speak in more detail than people are used to hearing. The devil is in the details and he needs to be exposed. He explained to me that for years when I spoke of the abuse I stopped after the first couple incidents, because I felt, "Who would believe it? Who would believe that so many bad things can happen to one person." He said to me that morning, "As much as you believed I wasn't with you for so many years, I am going to show you I am here. I chose you to speak beyond what people are comfortable with. I chose you because you will speak out about the depths of abuse and the enemy's tactics and you will speak out about the depths of my love for my people." I walked around in a "cloud" all day. Why me? I'm not worthy. His reply, "You are chosen."
I began to see how God has placed specific people in my life to help me understand the importance of not only speaking out, but speaking the truth, all of the truth with accuracy and focus on Him, all of Him. He is a HUGE God and we cannot put Him in a box so that we are comfortable with who we believe He is. Instead of being frightened by how big and good He is, we should be overwhelmed by His love for us and by His desire for us to come to Him in complete surrender, letting go of our human beliefs and know that He is supernaturally HUGE and in deep compassionate LOVE with us. The Love and acceptance we all crave deep down in that secret place in our heart that we are even afraid to admit we want, is available and all we have to do is receive it. I believe God is about to BUST His way out of the box so many of us have put Him in. He is about to show us how big He truly is and the enemy is stepping up the intensity of the battle hoping to take us down before the true shining Glory of God totally blows us away!!
“The sin underneath all our sins is to trust the lie of the serpent that we cannot trust the love and grace of Christ and must take matters into our own hands”
― Martin Luther
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