“Jesus calls us to his rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort.”
― A.W. Tozer, Pursuit of God
One of my favorite things to do in my time with God, is listen. I'm not talking about throwing out to Him all my concerns and waiting for Him to explain Himself. What I am talking about is sitting quiet with Him and giving Him the floor. Maybe I will start with "Good Morning, Jesus" but that is it. Often times, after a few seconds He will ask a question or make a statement that is so far from anything I have been thinking about, that I have no doubt it is Him. Sometimes He talks about me. Sometimes He talks about Him. Sometimes He talks about others, usually my relationship with them. And other times He talks about life, the Church or the world in general. More often than not lately His words are about listening to others. It's not about my ability to listen, but more about what people are talking about. Most of them are talking about the same thing whether they are believers, non-believers, young, old, whatever, their subject is always about them.
A couple years ago I began following a retired pastor on FB, "Jim". Every day he poured out wisdom from his morning time with Jesus, or a lifetime with God, I am not sure where he got all of his wisdom and revelation. In July of 2015 I got brave enough and asked him to be friends. Not that I felt worthy, but because I didn't want to miss a thing he had to say. Then he figured out how to make and post videos and that made him a real person, not just amazing words on a page. He was and is so humble. He talked mostly about what he was realizing about who God is, mistaken beliefs he had over the years. It was refreshing.
One day "Jim" dropped a bomb shell. He was living in New York, but was going to be moving to Florida to live with his daughter. Of all the months I had followed him, not once had I read anything about him having cancer. And now it was serious enough that he wasn't able to take care of himself. I cried. I have never met this man, but he was such a humble mentor. He did not need my pat on the back or my silly little compliments, all he needs is the Father and I was thankful he allowed us to see into their relationship. There was a time his daughter got on line and posted for him and I thought it was the end, but he bounced back and I was selfishly happy for the additional time I had to watch, read, and follow him, instead of "Jim" joining Jesus.
The Lord led me to Jim. He is a good example of the humility God wants in us. But when you find someone like Jim, others start to stand out too. This is where God has me listening to others. I can't count the times I have picked up the phone and listened to a "friend" talk about everything thing in their life, ask me to pray for them, and then have to hang up, because somebody else is calling. Not once do they ask about me or mine. It's making me very sad. Not that I need the attention, but that I question if this is how they talk . . . talk AT everyone. Isn't FB enough talking about self? My friend who has had cancer in his throat, prostate and now lymph glands rarely talks about how he feels. I have to drag it out of him. I have to insist that I am a friend and that's what friends do, they listen. He will admit he is tired, he will admit his fears, and he will ask for a little help, but he really focuses on the positive. He is a humble man.
Facing death brings out who we really are. I admit I am not one who likes to face my mistakes or my shortcomings. I don't set aside days to ask the Lord if there is anyone I owe an apology to. I forgive often, but I fall short when it comes to asking for forgiveness. When I had a stroke a little over a year ago, before they came with the results of the MRI I pulled a friend aside and asked him "If this turns out bad, please get ??? in here so I can make things right." Facing death exposes the truth about who a person really is.
I see so many people stuck in the "Look at me" stage of life. I remember at about 3 or 4 realizing that my parents were my sisters parents too. And as my world revolved around me hers revolved around her. Then as I got older there was the "I live on a stage" period of life. I see many stuck there. That's where old men drive down the road playing music from their past, nodding, winking and giving a little wave like they are the coolest of the cool and you wonder if they ever were. They live on a stage they should have stepped off of at least by 16. You can see it in people, those who live every day like their life is a movie.
When following Christ, if our lives and hearts have truly been given completely to Him, there should be a maturity that happens. There should be a change in who we are that we can't help. We should be teachable. There should be no bible topic we fear, because "I don't know" is an answer. We should never have unquestioned, uncritical agreement and allegiance to a human leader. If they don't allow us to question, we should run. I watch the Lord try to get a person's attention over and over and they don't see it, because they are stuck on what they need. They are stuck on being in "the popular" crowd. So many have no idea how to "be real" to get in touch with who they really are, because of their fear of man, need to please man, they have become actors. They don't know who they are.
Why does God allow horrible things to happen to us? Cancer? As I am watching my friend and pastor Jim become more and more aware of how weak they are and how big God is, I have to listen to them. I don't want to miss anything. There has to be a reason God allows the suffering and I wonder if it is because it is making these two look hard at their lives and humbling them. On the other hand another friend is playing it out like a star. no I don't mean I am impressed, quite the opposite. It's like he is waving to the crowd in a parade. I don't hear anything about Jesus and what He is doing. I know what is going on behind the scenes is not pretty. See, I believe God allows trials, traumas, to expose the truth about who we are. My friend told me the other day that when he spilled his mouth wash that morning, it launched him into a rage he hadn't seen in a while. It was like he was making a confession to his priest. He said there was a string of Mother F_ _ _ _ _ s that came out of his mouth and then when he saw the candle he lights during his Higher Power time he said "F You" to his candle. He looked at me sheepishly and said, "God probably didn't like that." All I could say, "God has big shoulders. I have said the same things and worse and He still talks to me." I was so glad to hear he was letting it out and I told him.
One thing that drives me nuts, is when the person we pretend to be is so different from who we really are. The people I spend the most of my time with are the ones who are the same whether we are in a crowd or it's just the two of us talking. The bigger the difference in who they are alone or with people, the less of my time they get.
I have spent the last couple months in a fog. I feel like I am standing on a busy street corner and people are moving every which way around me, bumping into me and not even noticing I am there or for that matter, they aren't seeing anyone else. Everyone is fighting this survival battle. Everybody is alone. The world keeps going around. Nobody is hearing anyone else. Nobody is seeing anyone else. I am praying for the dying. I am praying for the babies. I am praying for the left behind. I am praying for the ministries. I am praying for finances. I am praying and praying and I see no change. How do we unite these broken vessels of loneliness? I feel like a bomb has gone off and all I have is a handful of bandages and a couple bottles of water. Then it hits me. There is only one prayer that fits it all. Lord, rip the veils from their eyes and ears that they may know your will and it is done. Give them their daily bread of wisdom and revelation that they may align themselves with you. Wash them in your blood and cover them with mercy and grace. Then God shows up!
Two days ago Pastor Jim's daughter posted that they had moved him into hospice and he was settling in nicely. The nurses love him and he is in no pain. Pray, but let him go. A few hours later Jim himself posts. He wasn't talking about his pain, or the cancer or how he was doing, no he was giving a praise report. He told of how God gave the address of where he was in the hospice house to a couple guys from another state who stopped by and he (Jim) was able to pray for them and pass on his mantle. He was so excited about what God is doing, never once getting stuck in his own stuff. I love that. Jim is not the hero, but to his very last breath he is pointing to the one true God. Never once since I have followed him has he said look at me. Every day, in everything he does, he points and says "Look at Jesus".
"This will blow your mind people really!" - Pastor Jim's last post starts out with these words about Jesus.
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