― Neil T. Anderson
If as believers we are allowed to have hero's, Neil T. Anderson is right at the top of my list. This man's book "The Bondage Breakers" set me free in ways I never thought possible and God wants me to share a few truths He revealed to me through Neil. First of all, if you decide to get his book and work through the workbook, please don't do it alone. I have written in previous blogs about the affects this book and the work I did in it had on me. The enemy is not a friend. He is not a guy in a cute little red costume with horns, a tail and a pitchfork. He hates us with a passion beyond anything we are capable of. He does not want you to read this book and will fight you every step of the way.
I worked through the Bondage Breaker steps and had memory recall of abuse that I had blocked. When the memory first came I said out loud to God, "No." I didn't want to believe it. But the Holy Spirit revealed truths to me and I know my memories are accurate. After working through the book, I wanted more freedom. I couldn't understand what the enemy still had over me. I had gone through the steps of forgiveness. Sex was a gift from God that joins two people and I had worked through breaking the bond with each person, but there was still something.
I bought Neil's book "The Bondage Breaker - The Next Step" Each chapter was written for a specific battle or person. For instance chapter 3 is "Freedom from Cultic and Occult Bondage" and chapter 4 is "Freedom from Eating Disorders" I read chapter 5 "Female Sexual abuse and Freedom", but what immediately caught my attention was chapter 7 "Freeing the Sexual Abuser" I was curious, how does an abuser's mind work? I decided to read it, not realizing I was about to be set free on a whole new level. I had been told as many victim's have, that I was a tease, it was my fault. I found freedom in this pastor's story:
It all started with rubbing his daughter's back to help her wake up in the morning, but it soon led to inappropriate fondling. He said, "I didn't have a great battle with sexual temptation before this, but as soon as I walk through the door of her room it is though I have no control."
What was happening reminded me of Homer's depiction of the sirens (Sea nymphs) whose singing lured sailors to their death on rocky coasts. Every ship that sailed too close suffered the same end. In the story Ulysses ties himself to the mast of the ship and orders the crew to wear earplugs and ignore any pleas he might make. The mental torment of trying to resist the sirens was unbearable.
When we face temptation a line is drawn. When we step over it, we lose rational control. This pastor crossed that line when he stepped through the door of his daughter's room. As I learned later, the daughter had major spiritual problems the were never resolved. She had been molested by a youth pastor in a former ministry. The daughter wasn't sexually enticing her father, but a demonic stronghold in her life was. The "sirens" lured the father to do the unspeakable. When I met with the daughter she couldn't even read through a prayer of commitment to stand against Satan and his attacks, which is a definite signal of enemy oppression.
Do you see the freedom here? It wasn't me, it was demonic. I remember a man telling me once that when I walked into a room there was a sexual aura that was overwhelming and changed "Good Men". We laughed about it, because I didn't understand what he was talking about. But I have had men all my life approach me me with bold and disgusting propositions that confused me. Many times I would wonder what I was doing to give off such an invitation to even ask the question. I talked to many male friends, hoping they would give some secret to my behavior that I was unaware of. I think you become so dependent on that attention that when and if it stops, you don't know how to function, you feel rejected. That is why I believe we hold on to this type of demonic presence as much as it holds on to us. It is our self esteem. I finally reached a point in my life where I began to isolate to keep my "Aura" from touching anyone.
Not only was this relief to me as a victim, but I believe this is true relief for the abuser. He/she knows what kind of battle he/she is truly fighting. I also believe this is the real battle for good people who have affairs. They try to break it off, they almost hate the person they are cheating with, but then they get too close and before they know it, they are back in bed. All the lies the enemy has told us all our lives makes us more vulnerable to this demonic force.
Some people may say that the enemy is just an excuse for bad behavior, but I have looked into the eyes of abuser's, cheaters and addicts and seen the overwhelming desire to stop the behavior. They don't understand why they can't stop. I have seen the brokenness it causes. And I have seen them slip right back into it like a very thirsty horse being led straight to cool fresh water.
"The media and many of our churches give the impression that Satan has more power than God does. Many people talk about fearing Satan more than they talk about fearing God. The Bible never says we should fear Satan, but it does teach that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. When we fear Satan more than God, we elevate him as a greater object of worship." - Neil T. Anderson
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