Boredom? or Anxiety?

“‎Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself-and be lenient to everybody else.”
― Henry Ward Beecher



This still small voice inside my head
He has a plan for me, I choose pacing instead
He gave me an assignment to write that book
But facebook is calling I have to look.

The house is a mess except for the sink
I cleaned it a minute so I didn't have to think
Maybe I will sit here and stare at the wall
If I stare hard enough I won't hear Him call

God where are you when I feel like this
Are you answering my prayers? I gave you a list.
Why do you follow me throughout this house
Friends are calling, but I don't want to go out

Maybe this is depression or maybe I'm sad
When I dig a little deeper I realize I am mad
This mess of a life you have given to me
Is not exactly the place that I want to be.

So, I wash the rims on my dirty old car
and walk around in circles, it's really not far
Anxiety and boredom are both very strong
When will things change Lord, please tell me how long

I have washed all the light bulbs and laid in my bed
I can't find a way to get out of my head
Is this an enemy attack? Is he almost through
I can't sit still, but there is nothing to do

I don't want to write and I don't want to play
I want to wake up to a new place and day
I have to admit it, it really must be true
It's not writing I'm ignoring, I'm running from You.

“Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith. I don't agree at all. They are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the Passion of Christ”
― C.S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer