10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
I hesitate to share this post for many reasons. The fear of judgement is usually very high on my list, but not in this instance. It is actually very low on the list. My strongest fear is that I will not be believed, because of the fear of demons. I understand the fear. I believe spiritual warfare carries an importance most of us will not understand until the Lord explains it to us in heaven. I have never been one to believe in haunted houses or ghosts of any kind and I still choose not to use and believe in those terms exactly. I do believe in demons.
One morning a couple years ago, I woke to the feeling that someone was watching me. When I opened my eyes there was a very evil face maybe twelve inches from mine. I jumped back as I closed my eyes. When I opened them again the face was gone. I decided I was dreaming. As I got ready for work I couldn't stop thinking about the face. I felt uneasy, though I kept telling myself it was a dream. When I walked out of the house to leave for work, I glanced at my daughter's car and saw the face in the driver's seat. It disappeared immediately. It bothered me for the next couple days but eventually I forgot about it.
I noticed little things around the house. Things weren't the way I left them sometimes. I decided it was age. I often saw dark shadows out of the corner of my eye and again wrote it off. I had ignored a whole herd of huge elephants in my livingroom for many years, what was so hard about ignoring a roaming roaring lion? My grandson often told me about the scary guys in one of the bedrooms, but he had quite an imagination. My daughter had trouble sleeping when she stayed in that same room. The day my grandson came running from the room with terror in his eyes, I knew there was something in my house. As a protective grandma, I stormed down the hall and yelled at whatever it was. "You don't come near my grandkids ever." My grandson never talked about them again.
There were nights I couldn't bring myself to go downstairs. I felt like I was being watched, though I had always felt like that. I blamed it on the abuse. Upstairs in my room was safe. I thought I was losing my mind. I didn't want to talk about it with anyone for fear of being locked up or kept away from my grandkids. Finally, I told the pastor about my unwelcome guests, expecting that he would show up at the door with men in white coats, but he believed me. It seemed that after I acknowledged them, they became more bold in their actions. Honestly I was scared to death, but I knew they were attached to me, not the house so it wouldn't help to move.
There was a day when they taunted me all day. I could hear them. They whispered in my ear clearer than I had ever heard. I felt like I was going to die. Then I heard them say, "You gave him your thoughts, you gave him your body, now he wants your heart." I knew they were talking about satan. I knew I was crazy at this point, but I kept shaking my head "No" refusing to give my heart as this pressure built up around me. I finally hollared at them, "My heart belongs to Jesus." Just like that, they were gone. I slept for 20 minutes, completely knocked out. When I woke I asked God, "Is it over?" He said, "No. They already knew that."
I started reading about spiritual warfare and demons. "The Bondage Breakers" by Neil Anderson told my story. When I was first practicing listening to God, I asked Him to talk to me in my dreams. That night I dreamt a voice told me to pray for discernment. I knew it was God because I didn't know what discernment was. I believe part of my purpose is to make people aware that demons are here.
I couldn't understand why I was having more spiritual moments with demons and feeling their presence stronger than I had ever felt God. After meeting with the pastor and three ladies from the church and seeing how close they felt to God, I wondered if I would or could ever experience God like they do I didn't feel worthy. The next morning, desperate for growth in my relationship with God, somewhat out of fear of giving up, I told Him. I hit my knees and prayed. I told Him I wanted to feel His presence like the people I had met with. He showed up. I felt a warmth around me and as usual, my first instinct was telling me I was insane. I found myself rocking side to side and couldn't stop myself. The more I tried, the harder I rocked. I felt like a small child in my daddy's arms. This peace filled the room and the chaos in my head just stopped. I cried. As I do when hugging, I stopped first. It was too intense.
I had an appointment and went downstairs to get ready, when a cold rush of air hit me at the bottom of the stairs. I got right to my knees and asked God to explain what it was and immediately I knew it was evil. I commanded any evil spirits to leave my house in the name of Jesus and I actually felt them laugh at me. I decided it was time to take the pastors advice and have people to the house to pray. I walked into the bathroom and suddenly it felt as though my heart stopped pushing blood through my body. My legs became extremely heavy and I believed I was having a major medical emergency of some kind. I was going to the phone but when I got to the doorway of the bathroom, I felt two hands on my shoulders push me to my knees. Instantly I knew the pastor was either killed in a car accident or about to be. I started praying for his safety when I felt a hand grab my throat. I prayed for God to remove the demons hand and He did. I truly felt like I was in a fight with some kind of evil being and God stood waiting for me to ask Him to help me. Each time I asked Him, He answered. When it was over, I heard Him say, "Even if the pastor was killed in a car accident, he would be happier than he's ever been. He would be with me."
I began to realize, the bigger God showed up, the bigger the enemy showed up. After I went through my forgiveness list their power went from an army to a slingshot. I laughed at them. The enemy didn't give up right away. I would see dark shadows boldly rushing toward me, but I just turned away. They have no power unless I give it to them. They still try, like tonight as I started writing about them, they shut down my computer. They don't want me to warn people they are here. If you believe in the devil you have to believe he has an army of demons, because he can't be everywhere like God can. They are busy. They whisper in people's ears, hold their eyes up for people to see through, and fight us constantly. Our weaknesses are their strengths against us. I believe they used the car accident with the pastor, because my best friend was killed in a car accident when I was twenty so the fear of losing my friend that way was something they could play on. I also believe they choked me not only to stop me from talking to God, but because years earlier I was in a relationship with a man who was abusive and his favorite thing to do to was choke me. They played on feelings and fears that already existed in my mind.
There is such a huge difference in the way God and the enemy interact with us. God sits back and invites us to join Him. He offers us anything and everything we need. He wants our happiness with Him. He gives us the choice to take it or refuse it. Satan on the other hand pushes. He takes. He and his demons buzz around busily trying to convince us his way is the way we want to go. He knows he has already lost this war. He knows he is cornered and he is panicking. He knows he's going down and he's making a last ditch effort to take as many as he can with him. After what he's done to me through my life, after what he has done to my family and friends, I'm fighting him to the very end.
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