One day you wake up and decide to follow Jesus. "Okay God, I am ready. Let's do this thing." The next thing you know you are walking against the crowd, going the opposite direction of the moving sidewalk. Jesus seems to be floating effortlessly beside the moving sidewalk and you wonder how you even got on this thing. He's talking. You have trouble hearing Him as you are concentrating on dodging people and their baggage. As you try not to pay attention to the dirty looks and only concentrate on keeping up with Jesus who doesn't even seem to notice you are falling behind, somebody throws a piece of luggage in your arms and you see "Commandments" stamped on the outside. "I will need this." so you sling the bag over your shoulder as the sidewalk takes you past a table of Bibles. You grab, King James? Study? NIV? You grab them all. As you try to situate the bibles and the bag you notice Jesus wants to pray but as you kneel down the sidewalk takes you away from Him, but that's okay, because He is already finished, so you get to your feet and jog a little to keep up. Out of no where another bag comes flying at you stamped, "The Past", followed by a bag marked "Family", "Forgiveness" and another marked "Prayer." You need time alone, time with others, bible study, read the word every day, give, love, don't forget your prayers, quiet time rest, get up and get busy. You are needed, but heal yourself first. Lead others to Christ, where did He go?
Everyone else walking against the crowd on the moving sidewalk seems to be keeping up with Jesus just fine. It reminds you of Mr. MaGoo as they aren't tripping over bags or running into people. They don't even seem to be watching where they are going. Trust. Maybe I'm not trusting enough. You pick up a book on trust, or healing emotions, or renewing your mind, which one? Which one? Why is this so hard? Jesus reaches across the railing and hands you a mirror and a magnifying glass. As you barely grip them with one pinky because your arms hands and shoulders are full, you wonder, "What now?" He smiles, "Let's take a good look at you. You are a mess."
"You think?" Who had the great idea to follow Christ? What's wrong with me? Why is it so easy for others, with their smiles and hugs and right verses at the right times? "Do it in His strength. Love others as you love yourself. Don't drink. Don't cuss. Love the unlovely."
Love, love, love. You stop. You drop the baggage, the bibles, the mirror and books and you stand there watching Jesus walk away as you float backwards away from Him with the crowd on the moving sidewalk. You're too tired to speak out loud but in your head you are screaming.
"Love? My heart is broken. How can I love when I don't even know where all the pieces are?" Because you're moving backwards, you don't see you have come to the beginning of the sidewalk and you fall on you ass amongst the baggage books and failed attempts. You're too tired to cry. You're back where you started.
Then you feel a familiar warmth and a hand reaches out to help you up. You lift your eyes to see Jesus.
"My heart hurts."
"I know. Give it to me."
"I don't even know where all the pieces are. If you find them, they are yours."
He holds out His other hand to expose the broken pieces. "Let's just focus on healing this."
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
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