― Apple Inc.
I've been told many times, that I don't like change. This makes me laugh. First, because nobody knows how I feel unless I tell them. Second, I have used change throughout my life as an escape. I have changed, jobs, houses and men hoping this time it would be different. I have spent the last 14 months trying to change my whole life, who I am, how I think and mostly change direction as a whole. What I have found - others don't like change in me.
I had a conversation yesterday about atheism. I have never understood how a person can say there is no God. Look around. But then I realize if the enemy has provided the eyes you see this amazing planet through, you wouldn't see God. As I talked to God about this He showed me a couple things. There are so many mysteries surrounding God, like His plan and some don't like it. People want to know the plan. They want to know what to expect.
This morning at the last minute, I decided to watch church on line. I knew Dave would not be there, but the man who was filling in for him, I had heard before and I enjoyed, so I decided I would watch the live service. Don got up to preach and immediately his nose started bleeding and eventually he had to step down. My first thought was how the devil was trying to shut the mouths of the speakers in this church, because last weekend the person who was supposed to stand in for Dave had a baby born and they had to improvise. Before that, Dave's daughter was in a wreck and they had to figure out something at the last minute. God told me this is not the work of the enemy. This is Him showing off the work He has done to make this church a family. They say when a person loses one of their senses, like hearing or vision, the other senses get stronger. This church body is working as a whole. Jim jumped up out of his chair and started talking. Of course this got my attention, because now I knew there was a reason and it was God at work. Every time things like this happen there have been amazing results.
Today was huge for me. He talked about getting in the game and I told God, I didn't want to hear it. I'm not ready. Why does He push me? I have been trying and I get knocked down, clear down into depression. In using the game of baseball as his analogy, Jim said when you get in the game, the enemy is the pitcher. Obviously, he is on the other team. He will throw the ball right at you. He wins again. He finds your weakness, your Achilles Heel and he throws the ball right at it. He uses what hurts the most. What ever that little kid in you didn't get is what you want the most and what the enemy will hit you with. For example, if you weren't loved he hits you with rejection. He knows who to use against you. And he will use your weaknesses against others. When it rains it pours? Of course it does. If he kicks you when you're down, you are sure to stay down.
I listened to an audio book this morning by Brennan Manning "Patched Together" This man was beat down his whole life, one thing after another. It was a good story and it got me thinking. Even after incredible moments with God this man wandered away when things got rough. Why do we do this? I have a hard time understanding why a person wouldn't believe there is a God, why they think "Just being a good person" is enough, yet can I say I believe if I turn my back, crawl under the covers and cover my head, when everything sucks? If just being good was enough, what would have happened to Job when the enemy stepped in?
There is a scene in the movie "Forest Gump" when Lieutenant Dan fights with God. He is on the shrimping boat when a storm hits and he yells, "Is that all you got?" Forest goes on to tell us about the fight and how Lieutenant Dan made peace with God. I think we all have to go through something like this if we have been living under our own will for very long. I've spent the last year in this room with God. He's trying to condense all the lessons of a childhood into months. I don't think He is trying to break my will as much as He is getting it in line with His. I have a very strong will. Why would He break such a strong tool if it can be used for His good. God gives us our gifts and then gives us the free will to decide how they will be used, for good or for evil.
All morning as we talked, I kept asking God why it is so easy for the enemy to pull my attention away from Him. Freedom. When you have been forced to do things you didn't want to do or raised in an overly strict home, or given too much freedom, you don't want to follow rules. When the authority figures in your life have abused that authority, it's the last thing you want to give to some one else. It's difficult to trust those in authority. He put the movie "Tom Sawyer" on my mind. So after church, I watched it. Not the many remakes, but the Tom Sawyer from my childhood, with Jodie Foster as "Becky" and Johnny Whitaker as "Tom Sawyer".
There are a lot of lessons in this movie. It opens with the school bell ringing as all the children make there way into the schoolhouse, but Tom ditches his shoes and books and runs off to the river while Charlie Pride sings "Once in his life he is free, only one golden time in his life is he free". We like Tom, because we identify with him. We understand that desire to kick off our shoes, ditch our books and run off to do what ever we want for the day.
That evening Aunt Polly is singing about the undisciplined Tom and how the devil has him in tow. He drives her crazy but she has made a commitment to raise him as her own. Part of that commitment is to discipline him. When she has him paint the fence, he uses his God given gifts to convince the neighborhood boys to not only do his work, but pay him for the "Gratifaction" of doing it. He says, "Look at all that fun." How many of us do this. Maybe we don't out right lie, but even hinting is manipulation. Manipulation to get others to do what we want. If you lie in bed at night thinking of ways to get people to do what you want or to see your truth you may want to question this. The real truth will set you free. God gives us the truth and then free will to choose what we will do with it and this is how we should treat others, if it's even our business. When all the boys realize Tom has tricked them they chase him in anger. I noticed they were all covered in paint and he was completely clean. How many times has the devil tricked me into doing his work? How many times has he tricked you? And it's always against the ones we are supposed to love. (That's everybody).
Muff Potter and Tom sing a song together as they make their way to see Huck. Words of the song that really hit me were "Man's got to be what he's born to be, so just sit back and wait." Maybe God was talking to me here, but I know you can't rush the plan. Through the movie, we can all see that Tom is really a good person. He takes a "whoopin" for Becky when it is her slate that falls on the floor at school, but especially when he goes against his promise with Huck and speaks up against Indian Joe to protect Muff Potter. These lessons are obvious. Also that a devilish personality like Injun Joe would be hanging out in the cave. Throughout the movie, if Tom would have stayed in the light he wouldn't have been in half the trouble he found himself in.
There is a song Tom sings as he stares in the window at Aunt Polly and her kids eating dinner together after Tom had argued with her. One of those moments we have all experienced at one time as the outsider looking in.
If'n I was God
Well, just for spite
I wouldn't set the sun at night
Till everyone was treated right
By everyone else they see
If'n I was God
I'd fix it so
Without explainin',
folks would know
They'd know what's goin' on inside
Of everyone else like me
Nobody'd hurt nobody else
I wouldn't let it be
Nobody'd have a need to pray
Except for thankin' me
If'n I was God
I'd make us wise
So's everyone could realize
That everywhere beneath the sun
Everyone needs everyone
And God,
That ain't half what I would do
If'n I was you
It's a good family movie. Even though I have to admit I could see a little of myself in every character, I really saw myself in Tom. And I also saw myself in Huck who wouldn't stay with the widow, because he couldn't cuss and smoke and he hated those fancy clothes. The same reasons that some won't believe there is a God. They can't see the security, the love and the truth in the discipline. It's easier to believe we are happy with our freedom instead of the freedom we find in Him. Our truth instead of His. Our will, instead of His. Until that day in the dark cave when you hear the enemy say, "Now, I've got you Tom Sawyer, (or whatever your name is)." Then, out of nowhere, when you think it's all over, God shows up. He even shows up in the form of the town drunk, Muff Potter and throws a flaming torch knocking the enemy into the pits of hell. Then you here a raspy voice say, "Bullseye."
Aunt Polly: Well with those two it's hard to figure who's influencin' who. I think the time has come for some good old-fashioned UN-influencin'.
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