“The noonday devil of the Christian life is the temptation to lose the inner self while preserving the shell of edifying behavior. Suddenly I discover that I am ministering to AIDS victims to enhance my resume. I find I renounced ice cream for Lent to lose five excess pounds... I have fallen victim to what T.S. Eliot calls the greatest sin: to do the right thing for the wrong reason.”
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out
Motive is a very important word. Many times it is the difference between right and wrong. You can shoot a man out of anger and that is wrong, but is it wrong to shoot a man who is about to shoot you? The motive to protect your own life seems like one that would always be right, but maybe not. As a survivor the thought of self protection can rule our worlds, but in God's world, He asks us to risk.
God has been shining His light on motive lately and it's covered a lot. Do we give to others for them or for ourselves? Seriously, I had a mother-in-law once who bought us a hide-a-bed so she was guaranteed a place to stay when she came into town. I saw what she was doing right away, my husband kind of missed it until I screamed it at him during one of her visits. I remember that little light coming on in his eyes and the anger that followed. He had been duped again by his own mother. But before we judge her, we have to ask ourselves how many gifts we have given, because we want a person to have something rather than giving them something they want to have. A good friend of mine recently told me a story of a boyfriend giving her a purse as a gift. Why? Turns out he couldn't stand looking at the one she was using.
What about the rescuer? Some of us have that character defect. We pay some one's bill when God is loudly asking them to learn to budget. Or we accept the constant middle of the night phone calls and listen for an hour while Jesus is sitting on the bed next to them waiting for them to come to Him. In all our actions we should be pointing to Jesus. We should have an inner check list before stepping out to do for others. Am I looking to be the hero here? Am I trying to buy love? Am I hurting and need to be important to someone? Do I need them happy so I can feel happy?
Maybe you are thinking right now that you always check your motives and you always check with God before making a move to give, but here is one most people don't think about. This one is big to me, because hugging is difficult for me and I have now realized why. Sometimes when someone is hurting we want to comfort them, but what if a hug is not a comfort? Sometimes a hug is a vulnerable place to be. Personally, I feel exposed when I hug. Why can I receive a hug from one person and struggle to receive it from someone else I care just as much about. When I am hurting and some one wants to give me comfort so I feel better, I can accept that. But what about the hug of need. When someone hugs you because they need you to feel better? There is a difference between needing to hug someone for your comfort or wanting to hug them for theirs.
Depending on what exactly I am dealing with at the time, a gentle touch to my hand can send me into a panic. There are the people in my life that I can take a hug from when I need one, but many times I speak to strangers about very traumatic and personal things and I see their pain. People around me want to give hugs and I have to hold them back. When talking about abuse the feeling that usually comes up immediately is the feeling of being dirty. Shame is often an issue also. When I am feeling dirty and ashamed, I don't want to be touched. This is one of those times that we need to hear from the Holy Spirit. Should we try to touch a person in pain, should we try to hug them, and who needs it more, me or them. If we are not truly giving for the right reasons, are we taking what is not ours to take?
“Here's a scary thought: What if God called you to give beyond your comfort level? Would you be afraid? Would you try to explain it away or dismiss it as impractical? And in the process, would you miss out on a harvest opportunity for which God had explicitly prospered you in the first place?”
― Andy Stanley, Fields Of Gold
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