Beloved (continued)

John 14:27
King James Version (KJV)
27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

     With her box of Truth the King had transformed into Water, Beloved set out to find the shepherd boy.  She hadn't spent much time outside of the castle and was enjoying the sun on her skin.  The land of Peace was such a beautiful place, she couldn't hold back her smile.  After a short time of walking something caught her attention.  Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of a shadow ducking behind a tree.  That old familiar spirit came to her and she knew in her heart it was one of the Dark Men.  She continued on her way, though now she kept an eye out for the enemy.  She hadn't realized they were allowed so deep into the land of Peace.
     She was getting hungry when she finally came upon the shepherd boy's fields.  She could see him in the distance laughing with a group of people.  They were eating together and the smell of the food made her stomach rumble.  She was hungrier than she had realized.  When she approached, she expected the shepherd boy to be upset, but his reaction was the complete opposite, as he seemed pleased to see her.  She soon joined in with the laughter and the meal, feeling like she had known the people for many years. 
     The sun was going down when the guests left her and the shepherd boy alone.  He was preparing a bed roll for himself when he began to question her.
     "Why have you come out this far?"
     "Our Father sent me."
     He looked at her as though He was very confused and continued preparing for the night.  "I assume you plan on spending the night here, because it is too dangerous for you to walk back in the dark."
     "I guess I will have to."
     The shepherd boy walked over to where she was sitting and spread out a bed roll for her.  "What is the reason for your visit?"
     "Our Father has asked that I would come and wash your feet."
     "You are telling me that the King sent a defenseless, scared girl out into the darkness to sleep on the ground?" He spun around looking over the land.  "You are saying that He sent you here to be with me in the dark all night with no one around for miles?  That, my dear Beloved, does not make sense.  I don't believe the King has sent you at all.  Why, I believe it was the Dark Men."
     Beloved watched him, wide eyed.  He was right, it didn't make sense.  If she were the shepherd boy she wouldn't believe it either.  She could not find any words to calm his fears.  "I don't know what to say."
     He stared at her with anger in his eyes, "I don't know why the King sent me to pull you out of that pit anyway?  You have caused me nothing but grief."
     Just then it dawned on her, "Shepherd Boy, you know the King sent you to get me out of the pit.  You heard it with your own ears.  He trusted you all those nights in the woods as we traveled to the land of Peace.  Why wouldn't He trust you now?"  She watched as the realization of the truth covered his face.  "Remember?  He told you not to hurt me.  And He always tells me He is looking for a people He can trust.  He trusts you."
     His face softened as he looked at her.  "Do you trust me?" 
     She was hesitant, but said, "If the King trusts you, then I will trust you."
     He chuckled as he made his way back to his bedroll.  "I just don't know about you."  He smiled at her as he sat down.
     She returned the smile, "Would you like me to wash your feet now?"  She immediately regretted asking.  Maybe it would be better to wait until morning.
     The scowl returned to the shepherd boy's face, "No."
     Beloved was relieved when the shepherd boy said goodnight and she could allow herself to find sleep.  Of course the King would not have sent her out here to be alone with the shepherd boy if he was not safe.  Sleep found her almost immediately.

     She hadn't slept long when something gently woke her.  She could hear the sheep stirring in the field and was drawn to go see what was happening.  She could see by the light of the fire the shepherd boy was still sleeping and thought only for a second about waking him.  She followed a well worn path to where the sheep were.  A few of them lifted their heads to see her coming and moved toward her, almost as though they found comfort in her presence.  She sensed right away though that something was stirring them.  She could barely see from the light of the moon as she wandered in amongst the sheep looking for whatever was causing unrest.  Then she saw it.  There were three of the Dark Men and they each had a sheep flipped over onto their backs.  Something rose up in her and she picked up a handful of stones and began to throw them wildly at the Dark Men.  Just then she saw the shepherd boy's lamp light fall over the scene. 
     "What are you doing to my sheep?" he screamed at her.
     "I'm trying to get the Dark Men to leave them alone."  She turned back to where the Dark Men had been holding down the sheep, but they were gone.  There lying on their backs with blood dripping from them were the three sheep. 
     The shepherd boy walked over to where they were and swung his lamp light as he turned and lit up the whole area.  "Dark Men?"
     "Yes.  They were here attacking the sheep and I was throwing stones..."  She could see by his expression that he did not believe her.
     "Go back to your bedroll and do not leave it until first light.  Then I want you to go back to the King, our Father and tell Him what you have done here.  He will deal with you.  I have to tend to these wounds."
     Beloved tried to argue, but the shepherd boy only pointed back toward the fire where they had been sleeping and motioned for her to go.  She hurried back to lie down, angry at the Dark Men and angry at the shepherd boy.  There was nothing she could do or say, for again it looked like she was doing the work of the Dark Men.  Why had the Father even sent her?  She wanted to be back at the castle in His lap, far from the darkness she was in. 
     She tried to find sleep, but it was impossible.  She stared up at the sky and wished for morning to come.  Soon she heard the shepherd boy making his way by the fire and she pretended to sleep.  Instead of crawling back into his bedroll he walked off toward the woods.  Before Beloved knew it, she was following him, hiding from tree to tree so he would not see her.  He walked to the creek that separated the land of Peace from the land of the Lost.  He knelt down and took a drink.  Across the creek she could barely see a group of Dark Men laughing and dancing.  It caused a chill in her spine, but even more chilling was the smile on the shepherd boys face.  He seemed to be enjoying watching them. 
     Beloved noticed the shepherd boy examining a log that had fallen across the creek.  It seemed he was thinking about crossing over it.  She could not hold back her fear and jumped from behind the tree.  "Don't do it.  Don't go over there."
     He was angry.  "I was not about to go over there.  I don't know what you think you saw, but just because you think it, does not make it real."
     "I'm scared for you."
     "Don't be.  I know what I am doing.  I told you to go to sleep and prepare to leave at first light."
     She made her way back through the darkness with the shepherd boy's presence clearly behind her.  She wanted to run all the way back to the King, but knew she had been sent for a purpose.  She curled up on her bedroll and tried to find sleep.

     In the morning, Beloved woke to the shepherd boy preparing a meal.  He was obviously still angry from the nights events.  She crept around so as to not cross his path and put away the bedroll. 
     The anger dripped from his words, "I will feed you and then I want you to go.  You must tell the King what happened.  You can also tell Him that I would rather you never return to this place."
     She looked down at the box of truth.  "I cannot return to the King until I have washed your feet."
     He huffed at her and handed her a plate.  After they had eaten he sat on the ground near her and exposed his dirty feet.  She didn't want to wash them anymore than he wanted her to.  She knelt on the ground trying not to make eye contact with him.  As she slowly opened the box to pour the water over his feet, the shepherd boy asked, "What is that?"
     "Truth."
     "That is not what truth looks like.  What happened to the written words from the King?"
     "He turned it to water."
     The shepherd boy slapped the box from her hand, "That is not truth.  You go now.  I know what truth looks like and that is not it."  he jumped to his feet.
     "Truth doesn't only come on paper.  Many truths the Father has given me were not written words."
     "The Dark Men sent you with that potion, didn't they?  Didn't they?  Admit it.  You are here to destroy me."
     She picked up the empty box and stood to face him.  She screamed in his face, "The Dark Men don't need to send anyone to destroy you.  You are a stupid shepherd boy and soon they will lure you to the other side and you won't even see it until it's too late.  I feel sorry for you shepherd boy.  You think you know everything, but you don't."  Without looking back, Beloved ran all day until she reached the castle.
     She washed her feet at the door and tried to sneak off to her room, but the Father's voice found her.  "Beloved, why have you returned without washing the feet of the shepherd boy?"
     She entered His throne room and knelt at His feet, "The shepherd boy knocked the Water You gave me out of my hands and it all spilled out.  See?"  She held the box open for Him.
    The King said, "You are very angry with him?"
     "Yes Father.  He doesn't see.  He refuses to believe the Dark Men are out to get him, not me."
     The King stood and gently touched the top of her head, then He walked over to the far wall where a mirror was placed between two burning candles.  "Beloved, look in this mirror."
     Beloved stepped up in front of the mirror and looked at her reflection.  "Why am I looking in this mirror, Father?"
     "Tell me what you see."
     "I see a dirty face, streaked with tears."
     "Look into your eyes, Beloved and tell me what you see."
     "I see pain and frustration.  I see hurt."
     Just then a gentle breeze swept through the room causing the candles on either side of the mirror to flicker.  Beloved watched them, ready to relight them if they blew out.  When the air stopped moving she looked back to the mirror.  Startled, she took a step back, because there in the mirror was the shepherd boy's face staring back at her.
     "Now, what do you see?"
     "The shepherd boy."
     "Look into his eyes and tell me what you see."
     She fought back tears, "I see anger."
     "Is it the same anger you feel toward him?"
     "I don't know."
     "Why is he angry?"
     "He thinks I am doing the work of the Dark Men.  He thinks I was hurting his sheep and he won't believe me that the Dark Men were there."
     "Beloved, love and truth are what I sent you with to give to the shepherd boy.  Love and truth are the most important and valuable gifts we can give each other.  The Dark Men are going  to come against love and truth with hate and lies.  They don't want you to be friends with the shepherd boy, because if you come into agreement, you may expose them.  They want to break you down to take over and destroy My Kingdom, but they first have to start by taking over the Land of Peace."
     "I understand."
     "Now look into the mirror and tell me what you see.  Look into the heart of the shepherd boy."
     "I see pain and frustration, hurt and fear."
     "Always look at the heart, Beloved.  The heart is where the truth is.  Even a smile can hide the heart.  Let's walk in the garden."
     "But I am so tired."
     "You may sleep, but I want you to choose to walk with me."  With that she watched Him disappear from the room.  She began to weep, but hurried to catch up with Him.  "I'm happy you decided to join me Beloved."
     "Father, even though I see what is truly in the shepherd boys heart, how can I speak to it if he keeps it hidden?  He was so... so ... he was so filled with pride and arrogance and thought he knew what happened... he didn't see... he thought I..."
     "Pride?  Pride is a mask to cover insecurity.  The wearer cannot see it."  He stopped to face her, "Beloved, you wear one now."
     "What?  I don't understand."
     "The Dark Men come in the night and feed insecurity.  They slip a mask over the head of their victim and that mask is called pride."
     "Do You mean they put one on me when I was sleeping?"
     "You returned before you had completed the task I had sent you to do, to wash his feet.  You believed you knew what was better at the time.  That is pride, thinking you know better than I, what should be done."
     "I'm sorry.  Will You forgive me?"
     "It's already done."  He smiled.  "But your purpose hasn't change, just because it seems impossible to you.  You will need to return to the fields."
     "I will need more truth before I can return to the shepherd boy."
     "The box is filled."  They continued to walk.
     "Papa, I am afraid to go back.  He doesn't see what the Dark Men are doing."
     "When I sent the shepherd boy to get you from the pit, you did not see clearly what the Dark Men were doing in your life.  All you knew was that people hurt you and your life was full of confusion.  Nothing seemed to be going well and you were unsure of the cause."
     "That's true."
    "That's all I speak, Truth."  His smile broke into laughter.  "Beloved, I enjoy my time with you.  You try so hard to understand, but you make it complicated.  It's simple.  Let it be."
    She was smiling though she wasn't sure why.  "I had to learn to think to survive in the land of the Lost." 
     "But here, all you have to do is follow and you can even enjoy the warfare against the Dark Men in my rest and in Peace."  He sat on a bench located at the center of the garden and motioned for her to sit next to Him.  "The shepherd boy wanted to give up on you too when you were blind to the Dark Men, but he persisted.  You were afraid and didn't always listen to him. He had the truth and many times you knocked it out of his hands."
     "Okay.  I will return to the shepherd boy."
     "Maybe the reason you find this so frustrating is because you see yourself in him.  Like standing in front of that mirror."
     Beloved thought about her anger, her weaknesses, her strengths and her fear of trusting.  "Yes.  Yes, it is."
     "What if I told you that the shepherd boy was not the intended mirror?"
     "I don't understand."
     "What if you are the mirror?"  He watched her expression change from confusion to wonder.  "What if the shepherd boy needs you more than you needed him?  Maybe his pit is deep and he doesn't even know he is in it?"
     "Is that true?"  She thought for a moment.   
     "I have something for you."  The King held out His hand and opened it to reveal a heart shaped locket.  "This goes with a gift I have already given you."
     "What is that?"
     "Like the shepherd boy, I have given you a shepherd's heart.  This locket is where you will keep the hurts, sins, and concerns of the people you meet.  Then you will bring them to me."  He got to His feet.  "Come with me."
    They entered the throne room and He led her to a box located behind the throne.  "This is where you empty the locket.  You place the hurts, sins, and concerns in this box for me to take care of."
     "Father, if these things are so important to you, why do you keep them in a box behind You and not where You can see them?  It just seems you might forget about them back here."
     "The location does not represent importance, it represents time.  It is finished.  I have already addressed these things and it is behind me.  The reason you empty the lockets into this box is a reminder to you that I am the King and only I can solve these issues.  I have given you a piece of my heart that is not easy to carry and to keep these things in your locket would become more like a ball and chain than a gift."
     "I understand."
     "It's time for you to sleep.  You will eat with me at dawn and then return to the shepherd boy."

      Breakfast was quiet, even though Beloved tried to hide her fear and her desire to remain in the castle instead of returning to the shepherd boy.  Afterwards the King invited her to sit on His lap for a while before she left.  After some time He asked her, "What is your fear?"
     Beloved knew that the King's questions were lessons for her, because it seemed He already knew the answers.  She thought about it for some time before she answered, "He hates me."
     "Do you think he is capable?"
     "Of hating me?"
     "Yes, that is your fear."
     "Sometimes."
     "If he is capable of hating you, then his heart is not right with me.  Is your friendship more valuable than his heart?"
     She thought about the King's question and she thought about the times she told the shepherd that she hated him.  "Well, I... no.  I guess not."
     "I know how it feels to be hated.  Hate is from the Dark Men.  You must separate your hate for the Dark Men from the one they torment.  You must keep the two separate or it will destroy you.  Once the shepherd boy's heart is healed it will not be capable of hate.  Neither will yours."
     She reached up and wrapped her arms around the King's neck without even thinking.  He returned the hug and she felt more complete than she ever had.  As much as she did not want to see the shepherd boy, she did want to see him held by the King. 

     As Beloved approached the fields, she saw the shepherd boy throwing stones at the sheep.  She hurried toward him wondering if he was trying to scare off an attack by a wild animal or if maybe he was finally seeing the Dark Men. 
     "Do you see them?", she hollered.  "Do you see the Dark Men?"
     He turned to face her and she saw the anger in his eyes.  He pulled his arm back and threw a stone at Beloved.  "You are nothing but trouble."
     Beloved had learned to lower one shoulder and let the stone roll down and off her back.  Many years of living with the Dark Men had taught her this.  All it did was frustrate the shepherd boy and he threw more and he threw them harder.  She picked up a handful and started throwing back, catching him in the chest with the very first one.  She bent down to pick up more and when she lifted her head, the shepherd boy landed a stone in the center of her forehead knocking her to the ground. 
     "You are not wanted", he yelled.
     His words pierced her heart.  She had never felt wanted before.  When she felt the sting of tears she quickly covered it with more anger.  Their eyes locked and they stared at each other for several moments, before she picked up her things and walked toward the fire. 
     The shepherd boy followed, "If you think you are going to stay here, you are going to do things my way or you will leave.  I have told all my friends that you are trouble."
     This was like another stone to the face.  She had never felt like she belonged.  She fought the tears, refusing to let him know he had hurt her to the core.  "Fine.  I am here to do what the king asks and then I will be gone and we don't ever have to see each other again."
     "Fine."
     "Fine."
     The next few days dragged by.  Occasionally they would share a few civil words and she would find hope that maybe the time would come when she could wash his feet and leave.  But, every time something would be said that would throw one of them back into a pool of anger. 
     One night as Beloved slept, the King came to her in a dream.  They were standing beside a stream when He turned to face her.  "Beloved, you have done all that I asked.  There is no more you can do here.  In the morning you will return to the castle, for we are leaving soon.  We will go to the Land of Heaven where my Father is the King.  We have much to do to get ready.  The shepherd boy has been washing his feet in the lukewarm water of the creek between the Land of the Lost and the Land of Peace.  Leave the box of truth next to his daily supply of bread and pray that one day he chooses to wash his feet with it." 
    
     When Beloved woke the next morning, she remembered the tears in their Father's eyes as He gently touched her head before walking away.  The very first light of morning was only beginning to shine across the fields.  Beloved rolled her bed and put it away quietly, occasionally glancing over at the shepherd boy as he struggled in his sleep.  She moved closer to watch him.  He tossed back and forth, though the weight of the locket around his neck made it nearly impossible.  There was no peace in his sleep, but he continued to struggle to stay there. 
     She placed the box of truth next to his bread and his own box of written messages from the King.  She thought briefly about tying him to a tree so he could not be tempted back to the lukewarm creek.  She would leave the rope just long enough that he could reach his bread and the boxes from the King.  But then she remember what the King had said about free will. 
     As Beloved made her way up the hill to the main road, she heard a scuffle back at the shepherd boy's camp and turned to see the Dark Men covering his supplies with a camouflage blanket.  She started back down the hill in anger, but stopped when she heard the King's voice.  "Return to the castle Beloved.  They will only find another way to cover it after your gone."

     When she arrived at the castle she found the King in the garden by the brook.  When He saw her he began to dance for her and she found it uncomfortable. 
     "What are you doing?  You are the King, we are supposed to dance for You."
     "You are special, Beloved."  As He turned and swayed, he laughed, "Who made up that rule anyway?  If I am the King, shouldn't I get to dance for whomever I please?"
     "I guess so."
     He came to a stop and took her hands, "We have lots to do but there is always time for dancing."
     "I don't understand how you can dance while the shepherd boy is so miserable and not seeing the truth."
     "What would you have me do, Beloved?  Worry?  Waste a beautiful day?  I know the ending to his story."
     "What is it, Father?  Does he finally see..."
     The gently placed his fingers on her lips, "Shh, if I were to tell you it would change your actions.  You must trust me and obey if I call on you, otherwise, you must leave it in my hands."
     "But... what if...?
     "Dwelling in the past will cause depression, worrying about the future will bring anxiety, but staying in the present is truly living.  I brought you from the pit to give you life.  We have much to do."
     "When are we leaving for the Land of Heaven?"
     "Soon.  Until then, I have left you more truth and I want you to take it out and wash the feet of everyone you meet.  I will go ahead of you and when My Father is ready, I will return to get you."
    "What if I am not back yet?   I don't know how long it will take to bring truth to everyone."
    "When I come back, I will find you wherever you are.  I will not leave you behind."
    "What about the shepherd boy?  Is he coming with us?"
    "I have him in my hand and I will not let go.  You have other things to do.  Go now into the Land of the lost and tell them about Me.  I have given you all the tools and training you need."
     "I'm scared."
     "Fear not, I will always be with you.  I will never leave you or forsake you."


“Real freedom is freedom from the opinions of others. Above all, freedom from your opinions about yourself. ”
― Brennan Manning, The Wisdom of Tenderness: What Happens When God's Fierce Mercy Transforms Our Lives