“If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. -Speech at Clinton, Illinois, September 8, 1854.”
― Abraham Lincoln


     The first step in healing is trust.  You have to reach clear out of your comfort zone and trust somebody, one person, and start talking.  If you are damaged and need healing, trust is usually a huge issue.  You can love somebody without trusting them and you can trust somebody without loving them. 
     When we are born we have no choice but to trust.  Somebody is going to feed me, somebody is going to change me, I will cry and it will happen.  As we grow up we give different amounts of trust to different people and a lot of it is automatic.  You're supposed to trust your parents and grandparents and we do until they break it.  You are some what forced to trust your doctor because he has knowledge you don't have.  This doesn't mean you love your doctor, though I guess you can. 
     The deepest hurts all involve broken trust.  If your spouse has an affair and leaves you, crimes committed by complete strangers and abuse all involve trust.  The younger you are or the more severe the incident is the more trouble we have with trusting.  The enemy uses this against us.  How do you become a family with other believers if you don't have any trust.  A lack of trust keeps us isolated.
     As I look back, I have never fully trusted anyone.  Two years ago at my lowest, I gave God one more chance to prove to me that he was real and that I could trust Him.  I trusted.  I trusted 100%, probably more than I should have.  Yes, definitely more than I should have.  This has been the toughest two years of my life and it has been a roller coaster of emotion, pain, happiness and fear.  I know more about myself than I ever have.
     Through all of this where I stand now if I measure the trust I have in God, it's bigger, but to my amazement, not much.  The trust I have in people has gone up and down and all around and I am right back where I started.  I'm realizing, I don't trust anyone.   Half the world is out there being led around by the balls by satan.  no matter how good the heart is, of satan has the steering wheel you just can't trust anyone.  People lie.  People protect themselves.  I'm tired of getting beat up by the enemy.  I'm tired of people getting away with hurting others.  If I had a choice, I would not do this two years over and I'm tired of talking about it.  I tried, I trusted, it didn't work. I will not be writing here anymore.