― Brennan Manning, Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging
I made a commitment to write this blog for the person who sits down to read it and whatever words I have put on the page that reader hears "I get it." It isn't always easy to share, but when I think I want my story back and I don't want to share it anymore, I always hear about one of those people. One who sat there in tears seeing themselves and knowing they are not alone. So on days like this even though I just want to sit here and listen to worship music and be alone with God, He says "write it" and reminds me of someone who healed a little piece of their heart by some words I shared.
Before I explain my day, I would like to share a song, the song I am listening to right now that brings tears to my eyes, because His presence is so big today.
Today started out pretty typical. I had to watch my grandson this afternoon, but my morning was free, so I went to the Healing Rooms for prayer. I had nothing specific I needed prayer for, just direction. God has been showing me some big things these last days. Huge battles that a very important person in His kingdom is going through and I wanted direction in how to pray for this situation.
When I walked into the room, I was surprised that I did not know and had never met any of the three people in the room. I have gone often enough and met a lot of the people. I decided maybe this was a good thing, because they would have no idea who I was or anyone I might be talking about. We went through some pretty typical things and I was getting stuff, nothing major, but that was okay. Then the director walked in and asked me if something significant happened when I was 5 years old. I knew immediately that what I had questioned and denied for years was true.
I knew in the back of my mind that there was more abuse and I was not wanting to look at it. Immediately God gave me two faces. I saw Jesus standing behind one of them and I knew that person had stepped up to protect me. This woman walked me through it. I accepted the truth. The last time I had memory recall I was alone in my room with God and an email address to tell a friend at the time. This was totally different. I forgave right away. Then we focused on what God wanted me to know. He gave me a picture of Jesus as a boy by a creek and He was motioning for me to come and play. He has things He wants to show me. He never went into detail of the abuse, just that it happened and He wants to heal it, so I can move on, be free and set others free. When He showed me the picture of me as a little girl when the abuse was taking place, I was hiding under the bed, something I still like to do, though not literally. She asked me if I was ready to come out from under the bed and I said "Yes". Then God gave me a picture of Jesus standing next to the bed and He reached His hand down, I thought to take mine in His, but instead He grabbed a hold of the bed and threw it off me. All I had to do was stand up.
It's really strange to me, but I feel a real peace tonight. Several times I have found tears running down my face, but it's not because of the truth of what happened, it's because of the truth that Jesus was right there waiting to set me free.
In the last weeks I have revealed things to people that I have kept secret, but there will be no more secrets in my life. I have given names, I have shared what has happened, and I feel free. I will not protect those who have hurt me any longer. The truth is setting me free. Now, I have no intention of ruining any one's life. If an abuser came to me and talked it out and got help, I would never reveal the truth about them until they were ready, but sometimes the truth forces people into getting the help they need. I want to see everyone free. Yes, even those who have hurt me.
― Brennan Manning
WOW~
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