Fan vs. Follower

Fan - A person who has a strong interest in or admiration for a particular person

vs.

Follower -

1. One who subscribes to the teachings or methods of another

2. A servant; a subordinate.

3. One that imitates or copies another

     It still amazes me how God plans everything out.  He has had me buy books years ago that I haven't touched until this last year.  They were right here when I was ready.  I had asked "How do I get it from my head to my heart?" and I went searching.  I downloaded a video but in the process, ran across an audio book I had purchased awhile back.  Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman.  Exactly what I needed to hear. 

     I would suggest this book to anyone trying to figure out where they stand, how committed they are to this life.  I'm committed.  I'm a follower.  For years I had a demon or 12 on one shoulder and one overworked angel on the other.  At least that's what it seems like now looking back.

     In the movie The Encounter, Kayla asks Jesus what He was doing while she was being abused.  She even went so far as to ask if it was a good show.  I know that anger at God.  Jesus answers with something about screaming in his ear, telling him to stop.  Can you picture that?  It messes me up.  This was a huge "Duh" moment for me.  It is so easy for me to imagine demons taunting abusers in one ear, but I had never gone so far as to think Jesus may possibly be whispering in the other.  Or screaming.  My first feeling was a little anger, they chose not to listen, but then I had to look at myself.  How many years was Jesus screaming in my ear not to do it?  I turned off that ear and went with the chorus of demons in the other and picked up the drink, said the words, or took the swing.  Free will.  We all choose.

    Now, I put my best effort into only listening to Jesus and sometimes it is a battle, but I have made the commitment no matter what.  Sometimes it is painful and sometimes I don't want to do what He tells me to do, but my want to do as He says is bigger. 

     Maybe I don't dance with excitement every time I hear from God or do somersaults in the yard, but I do catch myself grinning from ear to ear.  My nervous energy that has caused me to bite my nails for years is gone and it has been replaced by a peace, even when "I don't want to."  I know He knows what's best.  I know that in my heart.

Luke 14:26

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.