― Mother Teresa
I was blessed today to visit with a friend I haven't seen in awhile. I missed her terribly. She lifts me up without even trying, because it's her nature. She makes me feel like I can do anything I set my mind to and she makes me want to accomplish my dreams. I left there smiling.
I was thanking God for her, when He pointed out all the special people He has strategically placed in my life. But my thoughts came to rest on one of the first people who ever made me feel like maybe I was okay. Frank always tapped my heart with his finger and said, "There's somebody special in there, you just don't know it yet." At first I didn't know how to take it, but eventually I found comfort in his words. He had a way of smiling at me while shaking his head that said, "I knew you could do it." He had as much faith in me as I had stubbornness.
One time the idler arm went bad in my car. What's an idler arm? I don't know. But Frank picked up a new one for me and day after day was too busy to put it on the car. See he would diagnose the car by the noises it would make, because I would imitate them. He would ask me, "What was that sound again?", until we were both laughing, but he was always right. So one day while he was at work, I took over his shop. He had every kind of tool a person could need. They all had there place and as long as I put them back clean, he didn't care what I used. I put on a huge pair of his coveralls and got comfortable on the creeper. I rolled under the car and looked around until I found the part that looked like the new one I had in my hand. It took me all day, but I wanted to be finished when Frank got home. He would have to test drive it, to show his love for me of course. It all went pretty smooth until I only had to put in the cotter pin. I couldn't get that stupid little pin in to save my life. I even asked his teen son to help me and he couldn't get it in either. I was so frustrated when I looked down at my feet and saw Frank's boots. He was home and I wasn't done. I rolled out pouting and he gave me the grin and the shake. I knew he was laughing when he turned his back to me. Apparently I had more grease on my face and in my hair than I had left on the car. He popped the pin in with no effort and immediately took the car for a test drive. We laughed about that the rest of the night.
Frank learned after that to get me what I needed and get out of the way. When I taught myself to put bondo on the cars we were painting, he agreed to teach me to paint. He parked a back hoe on the yard and handed me the key. I messed with that thing until I could do anything. Just like a little kid I would wait for the smile and the shake, "I knew you could do it."
When Frank worked on cars, I would rummage through his toolbox and ask him, "What does this do?" I tore things apart and most of the time put them back together. I think Frank enjoyed it, just as much as I did. But I learned really fast, every tool better be in it's place when I was finished. Frank was a giver and I learned a lot from him. I learned a lot about me, just being around him. He taught me a deep appreciation for classic cars. I could give the run down on his before I even knew what I was talking about. It was a '39 Ford Coupe with '40 taillights and hood, with Corvette running gear and a Mustang II front end. That Corvette and Mustang stuff had to be under the car because I didn't ever see it. He taught me to tell my kids I love them. It felt foreign at first. The girls sat up in their beds and stared at me, while my son peeked his head out of his room, "Mom, You okay?" But we all got used to it.
I was thinking about God's toolbox. He has exactly the right tools for whatever needs to be fixed in our lives. Just like Frank had to tell me what was wrong with the car, God showed me what was broken in me. Then he would bring the perfect tools for the job and together we would fix it. Of course there are lot's of things left to fix on this old clunker, but we're working on it. The cool thing is I don't have to put the tools back. He lets us keep them to help the next person who has the same broken pieces.
One time I made a man so angry by embarrassing him in front of his friend that he came after me with a gun later that night. I had just moved so nobody knew where I lived. Months later I ran into him when a bunch of us were out dancing. He picked up right where he left off with his anger. After several minutes of listening to him, I started threatening him. I was drinking and had enough in me to be brave. After I had let loose on him for a few minutes, his eyes got really big and he walked off. I wasn't sure what I said that scared him, but it worked. I turned around to go back to our table and planted my face right into the middle of my cousin's husband's chest. He was six foot bazillion and big. As I looked up at him, he looked down at me and smiled. "It wasn't me he was afraid of, was it?" "I don't think so."
I was pretty powerful with Robert behind me. This reminds me of what life is like with God. We might think it's our bravery that's getting us through a situation, but who knows what kind of giant He has placed behind us, that we can't even see. There we are with all the confidence in the world, while God is fighting our battle behind the scenes. We should live each day knowing He is behind us, in front of us and inside us.
I think God gives us little examples of who He is throughout our lives to keep us going. Dave and God proposed I take a big step forward on a day when I was feeling like I could do anything with God behind me, but a couple days later, the fear set in. The enemy beat me down. I spent the day yesterday telling God all the reasons I couldn't succeed. I was waiting for the "I knew you wouldn't do it.", but instead everything I read, everything I watched, and everything I heard held words of encouragement. I tried desperately to convince Him I am no soldier. This morning when I got to work I had an email from a friend, saying "You can do this." My daily devotional said, "Don't quit." Then my visit this afternoon carried the same message. God used people I trust to tell me I'm okay. I'm going to take that step, if I have to do it afraid so be it. But I have time to read, watch and listen to the words of encouragement God is sending through all avenues of communication. I chose to stop listening to, "You're not a soldier." All I hear, "Is your mine and I am with you." The enemy's talking just as much as God. But it's getting easier to hear and a lot more peaceful to to listen to God.
― Dallas Willard, Hearing God: Developing a Conversational Relationship with God
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