Promise or circumstances?

“In many cases, our need to wonder about or be told what God wants in a certain situation is nothing short of a clear indication of how little we are engaged in His work.”
― Dallas Willard, Hearing God: Developing a Conversational Relationship with God

     I was wrong.  God is not in my recliner with the remote, waiting for me to pack the truck.  He's in the truck telling me I have all I need.  I'm rummaging around in the bottom of the closet looking for a pair of shoes I haven't worn in 12 and a half years, just in case I need them.  I have noticed when I don't listen to God, He speaks louder and keeps repeating Himself until that "Duh" moment knocks me over.  Shoot, this time He was honking the horn.  I keep asking Him what I am supposed to be doing next and He keeps telling me, but circumstances tell me otherwise.  He made me a promise about my future and this is part of it.

     We have all done this, I'm sure.  We feel like we have a word from God on what we are to do, but when circumstances come up against us, we decide we must have misunderstood.  Who wins that one?  We have to be close enough to God to know when He gives us instruction so that when circumstances (the enemy) lie to us, we know the truth.  We need to throw our promise at our circumstances, not the other way around.

   So here is what happened.  Dave and I have decided it is time to tell my story.  When we first talked about it, he mentioned October, then later he said something about the end of November.  I'm having a heart attack.  The longer we wait the more time I have to think about every negative thing that could happen.  When I pray God is telling me to tell my story and finish my book.  That's all He talks about.  When I woke up the other morning to an email from Dave suggesting January, I about came unglued.  My life on hold until January?  I kept telling myself "God's Timing" not mine, but God kept telling me the time is now.  The other thing God kept repeating, "Challenge Dave".  What's that mean?  Dave is bigger then me.  He knows more than me.  He has to know God's will.  Right?  He's a pastor.  I felt totally trapped between God and His promise and Dave and his schedule.  Challenge Dave?  "Have you met Dave, God?"

   My solution, unplanned solution: Rage at Dave.  Followed immediately with guilt when Dave explained what he was trying to do.  Work with me, not against me.  What a concept?  One I hadn't thought of.  Oops.  This morning I plugged in a CD of Graham and all he talked about was stepping out, moving forward, not letting circumstances change our belief in what God has said to us.  We always have a green light with God so go unless He Himself gives us a red light.  I knew God was using Graham to talk to me.  So as I drove to church this morning I told God He was going to have to talk to Dave.  Of course He immediately responded with, "You talk to Dave."  Hmmm.

     A lot of times when I sit in church The Holy Spirit talks to me, but today, I really felt like it was Jesus talking.  I know, some people think I'm nuts, but I felt Jesus in the chair next to me with His arm on the back of my chair.  I was pretty sure the men in white coats were going to show up with a pretty new jacket for me.  Jesus began pointing out people and explaining how much bondage they were in.  One man He said was completely free.  Then He pointed out an elderly man in a green shirt, obviously alone.  "Will you tell Him I love him?"  I watched the man for quite awhile and after a little back and forth with Jesus, I agreed.

     After the service I approached Dave and asked him if he knew the man.  I guess I was hoping he would tell him, but no such luck.  Dave and I had a conversation and worked everything out.  What struck me funny about the whole thing was all the stress I had been going through over it, and there he stood chomping on almonds like it was no big deal.  Then I noticed the man in the green shirt heading for the door still alone.  I told Dave I had to go and followed him.  I introduced myself and told him exactly what Jesus wanted me to tell him.  He nodded.  He knew it.  But at least I passed the test.  So we strolled out to the parking lot telling each other a little of our stories.  I liked him immediately.  He seemed to enjoy the interest I showed.   I decided we could be good friends when he asked if I went to school here in town.  I have to stop dressing like a fourteen year old boy.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"