― John Boyne, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
Remember when you were a little kid in trouble, "Go to your room and think about what you did." You would pitch a fit for awhile, never really think about what you did, and when it was time to be let out of the "punishment cage" you had found something interesting to do and didn't want to leave. Over a year ago God sent me to my room, but He came with. We started out talking about what others did to me, then moved on to what I did, but we spent the most time on what He did. What He did for me, what He did to me, and what He wants to do through me.
It was actually a couple months ago that He opened the door and said I could come out, but I preferred staying in. I continued what I was doing, learning, reading, watching and talking with Him. Then a few days ago, He said, "You aren't living out my plan in this room. You have to go. You have to share. You have to be with people."
I stood in the doorway for two days nodding my head and agreeing with Him, "Yep. You're right. You are right Big Guy. I need to go. I got this. Here I go. Any minute now. I'm all over it. Sure. Really.... no I mean really? Do I have to? I don't think so... DON'T YOU SEE THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE? What if your other kids don't like me, what if I say something stupid, what if...? What if...?" I planted myself in my chair, held on to the arms and let the tears fall.
He didn't give me a shove or a swift kick, just constant coaxing until I felt ridiculous for not trusting. Three days later He had built me up enough to walk into a bible study with very little fear. The next day I went to a small group and met some awesome people who made me feel very welcome. Tonight, I'm going to a football game to watch my 8 year old granddaughter cheer. I'm excited. This morning I got locked out of my computer, spilled a full cup of coffee on myself at work, cut my hand and tore off a fingernail and smiled through it all.
After work tonight as I was talking to God the phrase "Running to your arms" came to mind. I said to God, "I'm not really a runner am I?"
He said, "But you hold my hand sometimes now."
I started thinking about how He wants us to come to Him like children and a story that I heard a pastor tell came to mind. He was sitting on the steps of an orphanage in India or somewhere and a little girl kept scooting closer to him until she finally crawled into his lap. I'm a scooter.
We are all different. I know people who run into His arms, I know people who stand behind Him shielded by His robe. I know people who are so nestled in His arms that when they have to reach for something they keep one foot in His arms like we do when reaching for something on the floor next to our bed. Then there are the bungee jumpers, "Grab me. Almost got me. Here I come again. Oops, got away."
There's the people who treat His arms like going to bed, they don't want to go until they get there, then they don't want to get out. The ones who rush in early and leave right away. It might take me a while to get there, to be comfortable there, but I know I'm not ever leaving.
“The thing about exploring is that you have to know whether the thing you've found is worth finding. Some things are just sitting there, minding their own business, waiting to be discovered. Like America. And other things are probably better off left alone. Like a dead mouse at the back of the cupboard.”
― John Boyne, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
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