Communication

    

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
― George Bernard Shaw

Communication = the act or process of transmitting information

     I had a very interesting "Duh" moment today.  I sent an email to a friend and when I received a lengthier response than I expected, my first thought was "That isn't what I was talking about."  I told him I wasn't going to talk about it anymore and he responded with an apology and an explanation.  Sometimes he finds it difficult to understand my meaning.  That's understandable, because I don't understand me most of the time.  When I went back and read my original email it struck me funny.  I had been thinking on the subject for well over an hour and then shot out one simple sentence assuming he understood all the thought that went into it.  I left a lot of room for interpretation and then got frustrated with him when he interpreted incorrectly.  I think we do this a lot.  We assume and get frustrated when others do it.
     I have been told that the filters that belong on my mouth are on my ears.  When we listen, we hear through our insecurities, our wants, and our judgement of the person talking.  Two people can hear two different meanings to the same statement.  This is where rumors begin.
     What if, like Pinocchio, our noses grew when we lied.  It sounds simple at first, but how is a lie determined?  Some statements are either true or they are not, but what about opinion.  We would all be forced to use words in our vocabulary that we have stuffed in a drawer.  Like the person who always says "I can do that" would probably pull the word "think" out of his drawer.  "I think I can do that".  Witnesses to a crime have different stories, but if they believe they are telling the truth, how would we know who was telling the truth?  This would change our whole way of thinking and communication could be better than it has ever been.
     With texting and email there is no tone or body language to assist in getting the message across accurately.  Though actually body language can be very misleading.  Years ago when I was attending AA meetings regularly there was a woman I loved to listen to.  I always got something out of what she said.  After months of appreciating her insight, I finally decided to thank her.  After the meeting I approached her and told her how I always enjoyed hearing her speak.  With tears in her eyes she blew me away, "I've always thought you hated me."  I was speechless.  Where did that come from?  She went on to explain that the look on my face was communicating hate to her, when really I was listening intently.  I have heard several times since then that I appear to be angry in business meetings, when I'm just listening.  I have put effort into relaxing my face, but all that does is make me laugh.  So, who is at fault for the miscommunication?  I put effort into correcting my side of the issue, because it broke my heart that she had spent months thinking a despised her when in fact I admired her.
     We hint.  We talk to others instead of sitting down with the person we need to resolve issues with.  The enemy has used this country's poor communication to destroy lives, relationships and careers.  Some of us worry too much about how people are going to receive the messages we put out and others don't care enough about this.  How do we correct it?  I have listened to my parents argue - on the same side.  I have listened to people argue - speaking on completely different subjects.  My mind moves so quickly from subject to subject, that one of my friends is always asking me "What's the segue?  How did we get from A to C?"  What he doesn't realize is that I have already passed C, D and E and we are on F.  This makes communication difficult, because I have to slow down and explain myself better if I want to be understood. 
      What if we could all read each others minds.  There would be some communication we didn't want.  There would be no lying, sensitivity would have to go, but most of us would retrain our thinking.  Suddenly Romans 12:2 comes to mind. 

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

     I like it.  If we thought how God wants us to think, reading each other's minds would be great.  Not scary.  There is nothing that compares to honesty and openness in communication.  When you know that you can say whatever you need to say and be accepted.  When you know somebody well enough that words aren't necessary.  When you can ask, "What did you mean by that?" and know that they will tell you without being offended.  There is so much good that comes from open communication.  Even if feelings are hurt temporarily, trust is built, along with respect, and understanding.  If you care about somebody take the risk and communicate openly and thoroughly.  This is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned in the last year and even though I am still learning how to do it, it has contributed more toward my growth than I could have ever iimagined.  It's impossible to lie to God.  He already knows the truth.  You're only lying to yourself.  When I started being open and honest with me and God, things started happening, things started changing, and mirrors don't scare me anymore.


“Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”
― Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, A Life for a Life


Communication = the act or process of transmitting information