Whole-ier

     Sometimes I wake up in the morning with such a negative attitude.  I don't know if it depends on which side of the bed I get up from, or what I put on?  Maybe Satan painted my glasses with something that makes me see the world negatively.  And there I go, grabbing them off the headboard, putting them on my face and beginning my day angry.  Maybe it was what I was thinking about when I went to sleep? 
     I have found that I tend to numb myself during emotional events and then get flooded with emotion later.  Yesterday was pretty rough, so maybe I'm just feeling it this morning.  I'm really angry at Satan and what he does to good people, but I'm even angry at God this morning.  Yep, I said it.  I'm angry at God.  In a healthy relationship we are supposed to talk through it, but at this point I don't even want to talk to Him.
     Yesterday I went to the funeral of my cousins wife.  She was 51 years old and fought a courageous battle against cancer.  She lost.  I didn't know her very well, but I have around 40 cousins on my dad's side and she was married to one I was closest to growing up.  She was also very good friends with my step-daughter.  I sat there yesterday watching one person after another stand to say the most awesome touching things about her.  She touched several lives with her positive attitude, love for the Lord, and her ability to not only care for the sick and elderly, but to become their close friend when they really needed one the most.  I have two thoughts and they are both selfish.  One, why didn't I get to know her better?  Two, will people talk that way about me when I pass?
     So, how does God get more glory taking her home?  She was changing people's lives here.  Is it through her battle with cancer that she touched more lives?  I don't understand this and I'm really angry that Satan is allowed to touch us and our lives.
     On the way home yesterday I stopped off to visit a very special lady.  She has had a lifetime of battles with Satan and the reason she touches me like no other person, is that she is so open and honest about her feelings.  We talked about the damage Satan has done in our lives and the attacks our families are dealing with today.  I think that's why I get so much out of talking with her, she gets it.  I find so much comfort in the words, "I get it."  The pastor is preaching a series on unity.  I think of it like the game "Red Rover".  We believers lock arms and even though we don't invite them over, Satan sends demons to penetrate through our wall of defense.  We really do need to lock arms with each other and not let them through.  We can't let them get between us.  We need each other.
  So, maybe my cousin's wife lost her battle with cancer, but she won her war against Satan.  He can't touch her ever again.  She is happier and whole-ier than she has ever been.  I have to admit, writing this out has lessened or should I say lessoned my anger at God and I think I will go talk through it with Him.