Peace

     I was six or seven years old when the sexual abuse began.  At that same time, I began to bite my fingernails.  I was a very nervous child.  I believe my biting was directly related to the abuse and/or the nervousness caused by it.  Over the last year I have had to take an honest look at the abuse and the affect it has had on my life.  As I have peeled away the layers of hurt and fear it has been replaced with healing and peace.  It was about five or six months ago that I realized, after 40 years I had stopped biting my fingernails.  I had tried everything.  I painted them, I paid for fake nails, and I prayed.  I think it is a direct result of the work I am doing.  I still bite once in awhile and sometimes I peel them off, but over all, I have found a peace that I never had before.  This may not seem that important, but I have spent years, especially my adult years, hiding my hands.  My hands had to be posed in such a way that you could not see my nails in my wedding pictures.  Everytime I can pick up a coin, scratch an itch, or just hold my hand out in front of other people without shame, I'm reminded of the peace I have found.  The little things matter to Him.