Where are You?

     Hundreds of times during my life I have asked God, "Where are you?"  I pictured Him standing with His back to me, His arms crossed, and disappointment on His face.  The times I needed Him most were the times He seemed the furthest from me.  I was furthest from Him.
     I should have been dead years ago.  I have been beaten until I couldn't stand, I have jumped out of a moving vehicle and landed on my head, I have driven so drunk I had to crawl out of my car when I got where I was going.  One night I offended a man who spent hours looking for me, waving a gun around, threatening my friends to tell him where I lived.  I've always picked on people bigger than me.  I have the gift of button pushing.  Give me time and I can find buttons and I push them over and over until I get a reaction.  I sat night after night with a gun in my mouth, praying for the strength to pull the trigger. 
     Recently, I had a few new friends help me see this whole picture a little differently.  When I jumped from the car, now I see His hand as a cushion between my head and the asphalt.  I see Him guiding my car home, protecting me and others on the road.  Just before I angered the man with the gun, I moved to a new house and my friends didn't know where I lived yet.  Part of His plan of protection?  I fought Him every step of the way.




Last night I had a dream.  I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.  Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.  For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonged to me, the other to the Lord.
    After the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand.  I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints.
   This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.  "Lord, you said  once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way.  But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life, there was only one set of footprints.  I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
   The Lord replied, "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.  During your times of suffering, when you could see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."






     I don't picture myself cradled in His arms.  I picture myself thrown over His shoulder, kicking and screaming.  He isn't scowling, but actually has more of a smirk on His face.  But, we laugh about it now.