Warning!! Warning!!

     H.A.L.T.!! Who goes there?  In recovery they have a saying.  If you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, HALT.  Stop what you're dong and take care of it.  These are triggers that can lead to relapse.  I agree, but I think it's because these things are open doors for Satan.  He uses even our temporary weaknesses against us.
     I have had several people tell me they don't ever want to see a demon or feel their presence.  I have sat on my couch and watched a black transparent mist ,if you will, come racing toward me and I turned my attention to the TV.  I have had dark spirits dive bomb me in my bed at night and when I had enough of their annoying behavior, I kicked them out.  I can honestly say I would rather experience obvious encounters than the sneaky ways they attack.  I have had enough sneaking for one life time.  I don't like it.  I want everything out on the table.  If you are going to attack me, do it to my face.  Because of my history I don't like surprises and I despise sneaking.  But that is exactly how they get to me.
     I've been rolling along through the day in a pretty good mood and then suddenly, I feel a little down.  I will feel a little depressed or angry.  Pretty soon, I'm cancelling plans, snapping at people and wanting to go home and crawl into or even under my bed.  When I trace back to what I was thinking about, a lot of times it is some little memory or thought that totally changed my mood.    Who planted that thought?  Where did it come from?  Demons?  They know what words to whisper in my ear to turn my mood around.
     Another thing they can use is music.  I have to be very careful what kind of music I listen to.  Music can be a mood setter, a memory trigger, and an open door for the enemy.  I love '70's music, but the 70's weren't always good to me.  There are songs that can make me cringe.  There are songs that can make me smile, because they bring back memories of a good time, a person, or a happy season.  I refuse to listen to Supertramp, Styx, Journey and a few others from that time period, because they remind me of my best friend.  She went through a lot with me.  We went through a lot together.  But when she was killed in a car accident it was the most difficult death I experienced and I still can't listen to the music we always played when we were together.
          Music has been a big part of my life and I can listen to anything from Bach to Bachman, Turner Overdrive.  Elevator music is better than the deafening sound of silence.  I am only now learning to appreciate quiet.  For many years the chaos in my head took over if I didn't distract myself with some kind of noise and music was my noise of choice.  Now, I try to choose my music carefully, but I can be driving down the road switching radio stations when something catches my attention and I forget about the radio for a second.  The next thing I know I'm singing along to AC/DC Highway to Hell.  Oops, how did that happen?  On a bad night I use to lay my head in front of the stereo speaker and turn it up loud to drown out the chaos so I could sleep.
     Another thing the enemy uses against me is sleep.  I go through streaks of debilitating insomnia.  I will barely be sleeping and something will wake me.  Then my brain kicks on.  It's difficult to fight off the enemy when you can't keep your eyes open.  A lack of sleep can affect so many areas of life.  How well I do my job depends on how much rest I have had.  Patience is affected by sleep, along with the ability to focus, control emotions, and accomplish daily tasks.  I decide to put things off until I'm rested, but I never get rested.  If I do get to sleep, I will have nightmares that either wake me or make me feel like I haven't slept at all.  I have been so sleep deprived that I have had hallucinations and heard things I knew weren't real.  Unlike music, sleep is a little more difficult to control, but lack of it can be a powerful tool of the enemy.
     The last few days the enemy has resorted to a weapon that I find very difficult to fight against.  Smell.  There are many interesting articles on the study of the connection between smell and memory.  We use our ability to smell in so many different areas that we don't even think about.  Odors warn us of danger, where there's smoke there is fire.  Our sense of smell affects who we choose for a mate.  It affects whether we like a certain food or if food has gone bad.  When a smell triggers a memory you not only get a picture in your mind, but all the emotions that go with it.  One of my cousins recently told me how much he loved the smell of our grandpa when he was little.  He said he felt so safe and loved.  As adults we know that grandpa smelled of beer breath, stale cigarette smoke, and Old Spice cologne, but to a little kid, this combination represented security, love and affection.  They're finding a strong connection between taste, smell, and very early childhood memories.  This is how the enemy uses smell against me.  I can be in a good place in my mind and suddenly I will smell something that triggers a flood of negative emotions.  It may be a smell I can identify immediately, like the smell of a man who abused me, or his house.  It may be a smell I can't identify, but it brings complete terror and not knowing why makes it more difficult to deal with. 
     Our sense of smell is used constantly, tied to each moment without conscious effort.  When I was writing my story, I would go back and relive each moment to the point of smelling the house I was in, or the people I was with.  It made it difficult to return to the present. 
     Each day God tells me what to write about and I keep notes until it all comes together.  I had written "smell" in my notes this morning because of the attacks.  Then I got an email from a friend and she talked about a very painful memory.  I knew I was supposed to write about smell when she ended a paragraph about that memory with the words, "Sometimes I still smell that smell and a wave of absolute horror rolls over me."  That's when I knew, I am not the only one the enemy tortures using my own sense of smell.  Then I read online a friends words about smelling incense and how that is from God.  This only confirmed what I already knew, the enemy is sneaky and we need to be aware that he tries to imitate God.  I have been writing at my computer and suddenly I will smell cologne as if somebody walked up and was standing beside my chair, but nobody is there.  Sometimes it's so strong it's overwhelming and other times it is so faint it peaks my curiosity.  He attacks fast.  I can be going about my business and suddenly I can smell a person, the house we were in and all the odors associated with that moment, sometimes one of the worst moments of my life.  Even after I pray it away, it takes awhile for the feelings to dissipate. 
     Because of the connection between smell and memory, smell can be a powerful tool of the enemy.  I believe in this connection because years ago a counselor had me do an exercise that would possibly help me recall memories.  I am right handed, so with a crayon in my left hand and an extra large piece of paper, I was to write whatever came to my mind.  Every time I tried to write, I would smell Juicy Fruit gum.  I tore the couch apart trying to find the wad of gum one of my kids had carelessly left there.  The smell would leave.  The minute I started writing, it would come back.  Then I realized, I was writing about my dad.  Every Saturday morning on the way to a horse show we would stop at the store.  Dad got a pack of Wrigley's Spearmint and I chose Juicy Fruit. 

     There is a way to fight it.  The whole armor of God, but I forget to put on certain pieces.  I tend to put on my old well worn tennis shoes hoping I can out run him.

“Don’t be disheartened by the forces of evil. Nothing can happen that God hasn’t allowed. Even resistance is all part of grand orchestration. The devil always has you right were God wants you.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free